


All These Things That We've Done

by starsandboulevards



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Dark, Drama, F/M, Romance, Sci-Fi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2018-08-12 02:56:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 53,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7917763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsandboulevards/pseuds/starsandboulevards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four years have now passed since the mysterious events that took place that fall of 1983 in Hawkins and she can't reduce the bad feeling in the pit of her stomach to old flames and town secrets alone. Nancy Wheeler and Jonathan Byers learn about themselves and one another in the midst of even stranger things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first endeavor with a fic literally ever, so please be constructive and kind in your criticism. I have no formal training in writing, it's just something I've always enjoyed on the side but have never posted. This first chapter is a preview of how I will be setting up the rest of the story. This chapter is shorter than the others will be because I want to get some feedback first, plus I didn't want a convoluted introduction. It will be slow burn, so brace yourselves. These are complicated characters and they deserve patience from me as a writer. 
> 
> The story will be told from Nancy's POV, and I'm setting it up as Nancy and Jonathan being in their senior year of high school during season one. Also, you'll notice some lyrics throughout the story, these are the songs that inspired me to write certain chapters or scenes. I am heavily influenced by music when I write. Thanks for reading, enjoy! [Follow me on tumblr @ Jancybyers]

**ONE**

 

 _Another head aches, another heart breaks_  
_I am so much older than I can take_

 

**June 2nd, 1988**

 

Nancy Wheeler is an objective individual. Anyone that knew her personally or as an acquaintance, could confirm that definitive personality trait. It is something she has always secretly prided herself on, no matter how often she was playfully bullied for it along the way. Her obedience when it came to her marks were not exclusively due to the harsh reality of her parents ending her social existence as she knew it had she ever received anything lower than a C, but for her love of understanding the way the world worked. Nancy’s passion for science and numbers has always been a way for her to channel the things she could not explain, into things that could be explained through equation or calculation. Basic facts that were solid and true and widely accepted. Such that the sun rises in the East and sets in the West. Or because the reason things stay on the Earth's surface is due to the gravitational pull toward the Earth's center. These are scientific facts that are cemented and cannot be changed.

Nancy sticks closely to these concepts frequently after the inexplicable and terrifying events that occurred just over four years prior. She never quite regained that balance in her life; true and false, right and wrong, fact or fiction, _up and down._ She now holds true to the idea that there is rarely ever something that is just this or that, and on either end is black or white. There are no lines in the world. No matter how deeply she buried her brilliant mind into her textbooks and meticulous notes she could never quite regain that confidence she once had in things that were supposed to be solidified. She finds herself second-guessing everything around her and was beginning to feel her reality slipping away from her, spinning out of control like a car crash in slow motion.

She spent the majority of her undergrad in pre-med at Boston University waking up in cold sweats, frantically wiping and tearing at her face and arms trying to get that, that thick, dark _slime_ off of her. Only to come to and feel a pair of eyes directly over her, each time expecting it to be Barb, yet it never was. It was always whichever room mate she was currently paired with and would only then realize it was just another dream. She managed to ward off six roommates over the span of four years due to her night terrors and honestly, _could she even blame them_?

“We’ve landed miss.” Nancy whirled her head to the left towards the faint sound of a voice, her intrusive thoughts completely muffling it. The concentration in her glare obviously startled the flight attendant.

“Miss, the plane is nearly empty, we’ll need you to collect your things now, do you need some assistance?” The pretty blonde asks apprehensively in her charming southern accent.

Nancy feels a wave of guilt turn in her stomach for keeping the flight attendant waiting, but only briefly. The flight hadn't been that long, but she isn't fond of being trapped inside of her head with her thoughts for too long. 

“No, no that’s okay, I’ll get my things myself.” “Thank you though.” She thought to add.

It's too late though, she was already out of earshot. Another trait she seemed to have acquired over the last few years, her manners weren't as reflexive as they used to be. She reaches overhead into the compartment where her suitcase and backpack are stored. She awkwardly fidgets her way down the aisle towards the exit, her bags and hips clinking off of the seats. She nearly tripped three times before exiting into the terminal.

Nancy regains her footing and whirls her backpack onto her shoulders, rolling her suitcase behind her. She continues towards where her parents would surely be eagerly awaiting for her to arrive. She scoffed compulsively to herself at the thought. She found herself more irritable and on edge now more than ever. College was stressful and trying for sure, but she couldn't confine her reasoning behind her disdain towards her parents to undergrad stress alone. It was half the reason why she lied about certain exams that didn’t exist, or friends she didn’t actually have that she was allegedly vacationing with. She used whatever excuses or lies she could deem worthy of spewing at her parents whenever she was due home for a holiday or break. Whenever she had the opportunity to go home for any length of time Nancy found a way out of it. But her family was only _half_ the reason.

She made her way out of the tunnel and into the spacious terminal that made up the airport. She doesn't see her parents yet in the nearest sitting area, so she decides to grab a coffee while she waits. She wiggles out of her backpack, spinning it in front of her so she could grab her wallet. She glanced upward to eye her spot in line when something seizes her complete and undivided attention.

Her vision blurs and she dizzies at the sight of messy chestnut colored hair. A bomb could’ve gone off next to her and she probably still wouldn’t have noticed. Her stomach rolls and flops in response to what she was seeing. Memories and emotions immediately flood her senses like a tidal wave to add insult to injury. Her chest tightens and her heart threatens to escape through her mouth. Memories flicker through her mind as though she were watching a movie on fast forward, fuzzy and filled with static. Unclear images speeding by at the touch of a button. The brunette was all she could see, smell, touch and  _taste._ Should she turn and run? Should she stand her ground and confront him? Oh god,  _oh god._

The cause of the disturbance turns with his coffee, and just as quickly as he appeared, he is gone. It wasn’t him she now comprehends. Disappointment and relief washes over her face all at once for anyone who was looking to see it. It was too much to process in such a short amount of time. Her chest collapses dramatically as she finally exhales after twenty solid seconds of not breathing. She only then realized that she had dropped her wallet on the ground, various coins tinkering in all directions.

“Thank you...thanks…”

She mumbled awkwardly with a blush creeping slowly across her cheeks and down her neck as three strangers helped her to collect her change. Nancy was now at the front of the line so she just orders her coffee and evacuates the incident area as quickly as possible.

“Jesus _christ._ ” She whispers to herself sipping her coffee, hoping the bitterness and temperature of the liquid would wash away the acid she could taste burning in her throat from her nerves.

She knew it was inevitable that she would see him again now, she was sure of it. If she didn’t know it before, or if she was simply in denial, she was definitely taking this encounter as a sign. Especially because she would be home for an extended period of time since she had left for college her freshman year. It had also been a long time since she thought of what she would finally say to him. Almost halfway through her sophomore year she decided it didn’t matter anymore. The things that happened in her hometown of Hawkins between that Fall of 1983 and the Summer of 1984 were impossible to forget entirely. However Nancy had given it her best effort to at least put it behind her, _all of it._

Her wayward thoughts are interrupted for a second time when she hears the shriek of her mother and the mediocrity of her Father’s voice. She couldn't help but smile slightly to herself at the sight of them. Holly ran to her in her pink corduroy overalls and wrapped herself around Nancy’s waist nearly knocking her to the ground, the not-so-tot now up to her chest.

“Hi Holly!”

She drops to her knees, her belongings falling once again to the floor as she sweeps her younger sister up in an endearing hug. She greets her father then and her mother last, the scent of her perfume triggering nostalgia. 

“Where’s Mike?” Nancy asked, already knowing the answer.

"Oh he couldn’t make it to the airport, but I promise he’s very excited you’re home for an entire summer. All of the boys are!” Her mother’s eyes glisten with the hope that her lie would skate passed Nancy. It doesn't. At least not the part about Mike.

“It’s okay Mom, I’ll see him at home later I’m sure.”

Nancy perpetuates the lie so not to upset her Mother. From what she knew her Brother was either locked away in the basement for hours on end or he wasn't home at all. She scoffed to herself knowing damn well she was held to different standards when she was Mike's age.

“Alright well the car is parked out front so we better get moving.” Again her father drawled in that tone that sounded like he was completely disinterested, but wasn't always the case.

He began to pull her suitcase away for her while she adjusted her backpack, taking Holly’s hand, trying to appear attentive to the story about her school play she was taking the lead in.

Nancy couldn't fight the uneasiness about being home for an extended amount of time. She had never been one to run from her problems. She quite honestly did the exact opposite. Regardless, she knew that this Summer would be different. Something didn't feel _right_ about going home this time and she couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. Was it the fact it was the first time she was home for that length of time in four years? Was it because it was _Hawkins_? And Hawkins triggered many memories when she was home, for whatever period of time. Bad and good. Mostly good. Some terrible. Or gee, was it maybe because of…

The bitterness of her coffee distracted her again momentarily from her thoughts, just in time to answer Holly’s question about what they would do when they got home.

"We can draw all night when we get home, whatever you want to do.” Nancy glances down at the big goofy smile on her sister and tried to match it with sincerity as though she were actually listening the entire time.

They settle themselves into the outdated family station wagon and Nancy shuts the door a little too hard. She is transparently unsettled with nerves and she was annoying herself that she couldn't shake them. Nancy needed to be in control of her life, especially her thoughts. She takes two more big gulps of coffee attempting to mend the dry mouth issue she had been experiencing since the doppelganger incident just minutes before. Was this just the same momentary level of uneasiness that she always experienced before returning home or was this something much more? Given her reaction to the stranger in the coffee line she determines the latter. It was obviously something that would have to be addressed at some point and Nancy knew that.

There were times when Nancy assumed he would move away and get on with his life. His dream was to attend NYU, something she learned shortly after things "settled" back down in Hawkins. She had discovered a lot about Jonathan the second half of their senior year. The last she heard was that Jonathan passed up his NYU acceptance to stay home and take care of his family. There was also talk of Will not adapting to long term normalcy very well after what had happened. As far as she knew, most never even learned the truth about Will Byers' disappearance to begin with. Chief Hopper had done everything in his power to protect Joyce and the boys from the inevitable frenzy that would ensue if the truth were leaked. She guessed that the Hawkins Police Department didn't know the extent of the events by a long shot.

A couple years back, Mike had speculated that the Hawkins Energy Department was still running experiments and using Will as a guinea pig even though it couldn't be proven. This was more than likely to be bogus because she had also heard they were shut down completely. Besides, all of the residents of the town remained in the dark about what was happening right outside of their front doors. Nancy was grateful that Hopper protected them by remaining mum, but it also meant that Barb would never get the justice she deserved. Her parents and the town still believe it was an unsolved runaway case and that she would come home someday to them. No one would ever learn of the true heroism of the mysterious young girl and what she has risked for her friends either. The truth was an ugly and rotten reality to swallow.

She reaches down to grab her bag and pauses, changing her mind. Only to change her mind again, propping it up on her lap and opening it with conviction. She unzipped the small compartment, revealing a makeup bag. She fingers the desired object out of the pouch as she struggles to continue her facade that she wasn’t experiencing an existential crisis. There was a time that the object meant the world to her and then just like that, it meant nothing at all. It went forgotten for almost three years until she discovered it in a box of things she hadn’t unpacked at school for the majority of her college experience. She clutched the cassette, feeling the plastic creak in her palm under the increasing pressure. She doesn't want to expose the object  so she holds it tighter in her hand privately inside her backpack. She hums the tunes in her head as though they were playing on the radio for the extent of the car ride home. This was going to be a _long_ summer.

* * *

  
_  
_

 

**August 10th, 1984**

 

Nancy tossed herself onto her bed in her recently emptied room, staring at the ceiling until her eyes burned before sighing and turning over onto her stomach. With a huff she blew her stubborn flyaway hairs out of her face, shifting her eyes from her bare walls to her dresser that was once filled with trinkets and perfume, to her closet where only a few empty hangers dangled and a floral sleeping bag lay on the floor. She narrowed her eyes on the object and ignored the pang in her chest. This was really it, she was finally leaving Hawkins to start the newest chapter of her life. However, she found herself numb rather than enthusiastic. She should be bustling with excitement and butterflies in anticipation of the upcoming journey, but she wasn’t. To be quite honest it felt more like just another task rather than a milestone.

Regret was a bitter and vicious reality. Nancy had come to realize that it also had a taste. Regret tasted like it felt, lingering and stagnant. Regret tasted like after you vomited and no matter how many times you brushed your teeth or washed your mouth out, there was a lasting reminder of it in the back of your throat. Time was the only thing that fully purged the sensation. Nancy swallowed subconsciously at the feeling in her stomach and the increased amount of saliva in her mouth caused by the intrusive thought. Regret wasn’t just a feeling, it was a presence that consumed your senses until you ultimately shut down and fell numb to it. Nancy was effectively paralyzed.

“Funny how in 18 years you never wanted to be home and now it’s time for you to leave for good, and here you are, in your bed.”

She jolted at her Mother’s amused voice in her doorway. She was leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed, eyes glistening with the promise of tears. Great she was already losing it and Nancy was still there. Nancy tried to crack a smile so not to worry her Mother who was literally _always_ worried.

“Just taking one last look around that’s all.” Nancy leaned up on her elbows letting out a long sigh.

“You act like you’re never coming home, you’ll be back in November for Thanksgiving. It’ll go by quicker than you think sweetie. I also think packing all of your things was a little excessive.”

Her Mother strode to her window and closed it. Oh, the air conditioning. She had no idea that her comforting words were completely unnecessary. Nancy wasn’t worried about being homesick. She wanted to leave and _stay_ that way.

“Your Dad is just about done packing the car, so whenever you’re ready, I just have to grab Holly.” Her Mother pressed a chaste kiss on the top of her head before quickly exiting, assuming Nancy hadn't already seen the tears escaping her eyes.

Nancy wearily sat fully upright and finally stood. She completed one last full sweep of her room, stopping on the sleeping bag in the closet. For a fleeting moment she thought to bring it with her, stupid. She shut the closet doors with more force than she meant to, hearing a metal hanger skitter to the floor, before closing the bedroom door behind her. It was a powerful epitome that she was closing more than just her bedroom door.

Nancy made her way down the stairs. She could see Holly through the screen door playing in the front yard in her kiddy pool, her mother trying desperately to get the tot out and toweled off. Nancy paused at the window noticing everyone was outside except for Mike. Must be in the basement. She assumed he would not be making the trip to the airport but that he would at least send her off. They may have done their fair share of bickering over the last decade but they ultimately had a decent sibling relationship overall.

“Do I need a password or…”

The blast of humidity and overall basement atmosphere smacked her in the face, causing her to recoil and scrunch up her face. She honestly couldn’t remember the last time she had been in the boys’ dungeon.

“No, I don’t use passwords anymore. That’s for kids.” He said flatly.

She scoffed at the comment, _you are a kid._ He came into view as she neared the bottom of the stairs. He was writing something on scratch paper, or drawing, or both. He shuffled them to the bottom of his binder when she fully entered the room.

“What’re you drawing?” Nancy ran her fingers over the desk and bookshelf as if she were admiring ancient relics. She really hadn’t been down here in years.

“You wouldn’t care, just some nerd stuff.” He met her eyes with a blank stare.

He hadn’t been the same bubbly and geeky boy that was always full of life for months now. In the immediate aftermath of Eleven sacrificing herself for the survival of her friends, the boys spent all of their spare time trying to find loopholes and ways to prove that she could really still be out there. As more time passed by, the others accepted her death, but Mike could never thoroughly let it go. He must be sketching another theory. It was utterly depressing and Nancy had extended her support to him in the past yet he never took it.

“Well the car’s pretty much packed. Today’s the day.”

She knew that _he_ knew she was leaving. She couldn’t deny herself the aching sensation that came over her when she realized that Mike probably didn’t care all that much. He was so consumed in his own head and grief that there wasn’t much room for anything else. Nancy knew the feeling.

“Yeah, I know it is.” His tone was so narrow that it stung. “I’m going to miss you, we all will, even though you can kind of be an asshole sometimes.”

He was pretending that whatever he was looking at in his binder had his full attention but the smirk that tugged on the corners of his cheeks at this additional comment told another story. Her little brother was still in there somewhere. _Oh god don’t cry._

“I’m actually going to miss you too.” Nancy laughed, fighting the tears that were rapidly swelling around her eyes and threatening to betray her.

Mike got to his feet and initiated the hug that sent Nancy over the edge. She pulled him in tight, squeezing him harder than she ever had before. 

“You know I’m only a phone call away if you ever need to talk. You can write too, I know you love to write.” Nancy choked out.

“I know, I probably won’t if I’m being totally honest but thanks fartface.”

Mike was obviously caught off guard by her emotions and he was definitely laughing into her shoulder. He was also absolutely going to tell his friends about her getting all sappy on him. Brat.

“Okay get off you smell, honestly when was the last time you showered.”

Nancy playfully shoved him off, wiping her tears away onto her hand. This was getting far too emotional than she originally planned to allow.

“Yeah whatever just make sure you pay close attention in your anatomy classes.”

Mike was finally smiling that crooked smile that used to make her want to deck him straight in the face but now all she wanted to do was run back upstairs to her room and call the whole thing off.

“You’re such an ass.” She turned to leave and started up the stairs but paused and glanced back over her shoulder. “Everything is going to be okay Mike I promise, I’ll see you soon.”

He didn’t answer this time. He fixed his eyes on her momentarily before digging through his papers and returning to whatever he was working on before.

An empty promise, and it left a bad taste in her mouth. A pattern it would seem. She had no idea when exactly she would be home, all she knew at that time was that she would find an excuse not to come home for Thanksgiving like her Mother suggested earlier. She shouldn’t be making promises that she couldn't keep. She had seen and been through too much in the past year to be pledging things like that. Nancy had no goddamn clue if things would be okay for any of them. In the back of her mind and the pit of her stomach Hawkins still left a terrible feeling. She was convinced things would never be completely the same.

* * *

 

Nancy squinted as her eyes adjusted to the sun lowering itself in the sky, tearing through her kitchen and living room. She could see through the windows that her Mother had successfully gotten Holly into her carseat. Her Dad was jamming the last box into the back of the station wagon and wrestling with the hatch door as she sauntered onto the lawn.

“Ready honey?”

“Yeah Mom, I’m ready.” She turned and stole a glance at her perfectly boring house at the end of the cul de sac and then back at her nuclear family.

She was ready to leave. And with that she allowed a sense of satisfaction to take over her briefly as she got into the car. She was on her way to pursue her goal. She worked her ass off in school for years and she was accepted into the university of her dreams. As the car pulled away from her house, her emotions shifted in conjunction with the gears of the station wagon. The image of Barb bit into her memories as ominously as the _thing_ that took her away. Barb would be so thrilled for Nancy on this day. They should be in the same car, going to the airport _together_ to attend the same school, _together._ Emotions were running high and the burning sensation behind her eyes caused her to tip her head back and blink it away.

“Dad do you mind if we make a quick pit stop? ” The words escaped her mouth in a rush way before she could register her mind was even going there.

“I don’t see why not, we’re ahead of schedule. Where to?” Her Mother turned to him in the passenger seat and held a knowing glare on him that Nancy assumed meant she knew where she wanted to stop.

“Oh right, sure. Doesn’t Steve live in the opposite direction though?” His voice half muffled by the radio and the other half by Nancy’s heart thrumming at warp speed in her ears. Did she really just say that out loud?

“Nancy I don’t think we have time to go in the opposite direction. You’ll be cutting it close as it is if we stop, you don’t want to miss your flight.”

“I know Mom, it’s…” God just get it out, say it. ”Can you stop at the Byers’?”

The vomit flavor was back with a vengeance. However Nancy couldn’t tell if it was regret this time or actual vomit creeping up her esophagus. There was a long pause in the car other than Holly’s gurgles and spit noises she was too old to be making. She wasn’t sure if they would ever speak. Her Father finally switched lanes and made the left at the intersection, confirming he acknowledged her absurd request. What was she thinking?

“I didn’t realize you two still hung out." Her Mother sounded, concerned? Annoyed? Confused? All three?

Jonathan Byers wasn’t the same boy she knew at the start of the school year. _So much_ had happened in just under a year. He was no longer exclusively the mysterious brooding weirdo of the town that would intimidate you in a way you couldn't explain if he walked by you in the hallway. He wasn’t just the kid who came to pick up his brother from her house that she pretended didn’t exist when he was there. He was the big brother of the boy who came back from the dead. Everyone knew who he was, everyone knew the Byers family now. It made local and national headlines. He was a friend, he was much more than that, and then he wasn’t anything at all. Her head was spinning. 

“I just think after everything that happened I owe it to him...to his family to say thank you and goodbye. I mean with Barb...and Will and everything.” She stumbled over her words, trying to get them out before her Mother grew any more suspicious than she already was. 

“Well, alrightt. It’s your day.” Her Mother turned forward and they rode almost in silence other than the hushed voices on the radio.

What was she thinking just showing up unannounced? Was she out of her damn mind? They hadn’t spoken since….that fight. Which was weeks ago now. They hadn’t spoken or seen each other in weeks and Nancy knew she was to blame. The entire situation was completely her fault and she wasn’t confident they would ever have any sort of relationship again. But now here she was, waltzing in uninvited because her ego was utterly betraying her mind. Her brilliant mind that would never allow her to do something so bold and stupid.

“Stop right here.” Her father skidded on the brakes, amplifying Holly’s babbling noises. She hadn't meant for it to come out so desperate but she also hadn't realized they had already arrived at their destination.

“Wait right here, I’m just going to, I’ll be right back. Five minutes..okay?”

She was out of the car and starting up the driveway before she could even process it. Her feet kept propelling her forward but her instinct was telling her to run in the opposite direction. She fidgeted her fingers together, tangling them and untangling them, trying to piece together what she was going to say. She threw her head back and up to the sky like the answers to her questions would fall out of it and in front of her. She settled her hands at her sides after wiping the sweat off onto her jean shorts. She continued up the long driveway, a cracking sound getting consistently louder. The source of the noise slowly came into view and she nearly went into cardiac arrest. She first eyes his car, so he was definitely home, and then there he was. Jonathan was splitting wood on the side of the house. She was far enough away that she assumed she was out of his peripheral range and he wouldn't see her should she choose to bail, yet close enough to see he had his headphones on, probably listening to some awesome new song no one had heard yet. Seeing him for the first time in weeks caused a searing range of emotions to rupture throughout her body.

Disregarding the surge of thoughts and feelings Nancy was currently experiencing, she paused and couldn’t help but steal a few moments of watching him when he thought no one was. There was a fluidity to Jonathan’s movements that he only asserted when he didn't think anyone was looking. She had observed in the past that he had a tendency of being fumbling and gawky when eyes were fixated on him. She found it endearing if she were being honest with herself. He was just so  _human_ , and she loved that about him. She selfishly watched as his bare arms lifted the ax over his head and repeatedly smashed it into the unsuspecting remnants of the tree that had fallen in their yard during that bad storm earlier that summer. Her heart nearly stopped at the invasive memory. _That storm._

She found herself zeroing in on exactly how much he had matured this past year. He had filled out, that’s for sure. He spent the majority of the summer working manual labor on the side, which definitely did not hurt his physique. Nancy could feel her breath hitching in her throat as the muscles in his arms pulled and contracted with every swing of the ax.

She couldn’t do this. What was she doing there? It was a mistake. Just as soon as she realized her complete lack of judgement and started to turn on her heels, she felt eyes on her. He was looking directly at her. The ax was now hanging by his side, his chest rising and falling aggressively from his exertions. He pulled the headphones off his head slowly and set them around his neck. He brought his hand up, cupping it over his forehead to block out the sun. He was still staring and unmoving.

There was enough distance between them where she couldn’t read the lines on his face but she knew he was indefinitely confused. Could he even tell that it was her? Maybe it wasn’t too late to turn around and bail. Nancy started to walk towards him but her legs forgot how to move. Her heart was thudding sporadically and that _taste_ was back again. She opened her mouth to say something as if he could hear her and she spun around and started back towards the car in a fast walk. She raised her hand to her temple lowering her head towards the ground in total shock and awe with herself that she even made her parents stop, forget the fact that she had been caught in the act and aborted completely. She was so incredibly embarrassed.

“You are such a stupid girl.” This comes out in a half squeak, half sob as she nears the car.

She turned her head to the side wiping the tears away hoping her parents wouldn't see them. It wasn't something she was willing to discuss on the agonizing ride to the airport. She stumbled into the car and all but slammed the door. Three pairs of eyes leveled on her. No one said a thing. Her mother opened her mouth to speak but decided against it.

“Is everything..” Her father started.

“We’re going to be late, we shouldn’t have stopped, I’m sorry. They weren't home.” He didn't protest.

The station wagon backed out slowly and turned onto the road. Nancy lifted her eyes to the window and noticed a figure barely visible through her fingers and tears. Jonathan was standing closer to the end of the driveway, where she had been hovering. The ax still in one hand and head phones in the other, watching her leave, _again._ Her stomach threatened to empty its contents and anguish scorched her throat. She closed her eyes tight and rested her head against the cool window for comfort that she didn't deserve.

_Everything would be different now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I wrote Nancy a bit differently than she is portrayed on screen but that's what I took away from her as a character. She's brilliant, loyal, emotional and overall wants to do the right thing. I'm gunning to display all the qualities we know canonically from season one, and the others that may vary situationally. I'm also playing heavily into the trauma that the majority of the characters are still affected by in some way, even after four years. 
> 
> Let me know what you guys thought of the first chapter and how I set it up. I usually steer clear of time jumps but I think this made the most sense with these characters. It's going to get darker - I'm trying to stay realistic as far as what the actual writers want to do with season two.


	2. Chapter 2

**TWO**

 

 _I need you to show the way from crazy_  
_I want to be so much more than this_

 

**November 12th, 1984**

 

“Did you even _read_ the syllabus?” Nancy scoffed playfully as she plopped herself down with a huff at her desk.

She labeled her first roommate in college tolerable. She knew that no one would ever fill the gaping void in her heart that she felt every day like a physical anomaly. Nancy refused the idea that anyone could ever replace her dearest friend who was supposed to have been there with her now. She would never even allow the opportunity. So with that, Nancy had decided that anyone she was bunked with would be tolerable at best.

Vanessa and Nancy were both premed students at Boston University and shared the majority of the same pre-requisite courses together. It was nice to have a familiar face throughout the day, contrary to how hard she exhorted to herself that she preferred to fly solo. Nonetheless, this roomie situation had proven to have far more downfalls than advantages. Vanessa was a magnet to the party scene and had a tendency to attract the kinds of students on campus that came along with it. It was only October and Nancy felt as though she were carrying Vanessa through the semester on her backside like a jackass, _literally_. When Vanessa would come drunk stumbling into the room at three in the morning every other night Nancy maliciously considered ways to sabotage her so she could potentially land herself an introvert.

“No, but I assumed you did and it looks like I wasn’t wrong.” Vanessa rolled onto her stomach and propped herself up on her elbows, settling her head in her hands with a stealthy grin from ear to ear.

Nancy hummed a grunt in mild contempt at the blonde’s catty remark. She hadn’t noticed until Vanessa’s comment just how many flash cards and precisely organized class notes had accumulated on her desk in just a couple of months. She was willing to admit she had a tepid form of obsessive compulsive disorder when it came to studying.  

“Well this exam is in less than a week and it’s worth half of our grade. And unlike you I don’t have Daddy’s trust fund to fall back on. If you spent _half_ the time studying as you do--”

She was interrupted before she could finish her passive insult. Nancy immediately felt bad, but Vanessa didn’t realize that this was all Nancy had. This was her way out, the rest of her life.

“Woah woah, easy there.” Vanessa snapped her gum hard three times and exhaled overdramatically.

She swung herself off of the bed running her fingers through her hair with a mock puss on her face. Regardless, Nancy couldn’t help but inwardly appreciate how beautiful Vanessa was. A twinge of jealousy jabbed her in the gut. She resented the fact that she no longer had anyone to think that way about her.

“We need to get you laid, it’s so _depressing_ around here.” Vanessa sneered as she continued to run her fingers through her impossibly full blonde locks.

She slugged the rest of the cheap beer that was teetering on the bed and crunched up the can, missing the free throw into the garbage.

“ _Please_ I-” The tips of Nancy’s ears started to heat up and she was sure they were turning red.

Could Vanessa just _leave_ for whatever stupid party Nancy was sure she would be attending. Tolerable was circling the drain rapidly.

“- _Kidding_ , chill out. You know I love you Nanc, plus I’ve been working on this buzz for an hour and your lectures aren't exactly a turn on, so..”

Nancy opened her mouth to speak but closed it. Instead she opted for a hard glare that had little to no heat behind it. She was embarrassed if she was being honest with herself. It wasn’t the person she wanted to be. A girl that was so tightly wound up at all times that even the slightest stretch away from routine would cause her to have a crisis.

Vanessa let out an repugnant belch and grabbed her black leather jacket off the pile of dirty laundry accumulating on her side of the room. 

“Oh, by the way, this came for you today.”

Vanessa tossed a small package at her and despite her best reflexive attempt it bounced off of her wrists and fell to the floor. Athletic. Nancy curiously snatched the crinkled oversized envelope off of the floor, turning it over in her hand as if examining the dull brown exterior would reveal its contents.

“Okay, I’m out, if you decide you don't wanna sulk all night you know where to find me.”

Vanessa smacked her freshly applied blood red glossed lips in Nancy’s direction. No, she actually had no idea where to find her.

“I hope it’s a vibrator!”

The voice trailed away behind the door as it slammed in her face. Nancy leveled her lips in disgust in a flat line, staring blankly at the door until she remembered the package she was holding.

She rose from her desk and meandered over to her bed and sat on the edge buzzing with interest, she hadn't received mail yet at school other than her belongings that couldn't go with her on the plane. She shook the envelope instinctively before sliding her fingers under the weakest entry point, revealing a small object inside that was wrapped in folded, parchment paper?

“What is this?” Nancy mouthed inaudibly to herself.

There was no return address on it, only her name, room number, and the school’s address. She dumped it on her bed and began to unfold the paper. Inside the parchment was a blank cassette tape. Nancy narrowed her eyes on the object and she turned it over, examining the front and then the back. She noticed the paper had writing on it.

_Nancy, I'm sorry things ended the way they did, best of luck._

_\- Jonathan_

A bomb of emotion detonated in Nancy’s chest. The involuntary cry that ejected itself from her throat didn’t even sound human. She couldn’t believe what she was reading. She raised her palm to her head, tangling her fingers in her hair to support the increasing weight of it. Her eyes combed the note over and over until the words blurred together in a disarray of ink blobs. A single, thick tear settled itself in the middle of the paper and she impulsively waved it in the air so not to ruin it.

The raw growing ache in her chest provoked the inevitable. She started to sob softly. She had never felt that kind of affliction in her life. Why did he feel the need to reach out now? Was he reaching out or was it more of a goodbye? A truce? How had he managed to have it delivered? She didn’t care, and it didn’t matter. What did matter was that it was there in her hands and it was _everything_. The heartache was too overwhelming. She languidly fell horizontal on her bed clutching the note and cassette to her chest, squeezing her streaming eyes shut tight.

 

* * *

 

  **June 2, 1988**

 

 

 _Welcome to Hawkins!_ The haggard sign that was in serious need of an upgrade greets Nancy dismally as they pass into town lines. She is home. It's a weird concept to grasp, that Hawkins is her home. She spent eighteen years of her life in the town and it felt as though she were visiting distant relatives whenever she came back. The fulfilling aura one was supposed to sense when coming home after a significant amount of time was something Nancy hardly experienced. Dread and uneasiness saturate her as they drove passed old landmarks that she wishes would create warming nostalgia. There are a few memories however, a few that stay with her as a pleasant reminder of what humanity was supposed to feel like. Nancy takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, resting her head against the window, succumbing to another bitter momento. 

 

* * *

 

  **March 27, 1984**

 

 

“You know I really appreciate you doing this, it's a huge help, my Mom would’ve murdered me.”

Nancy turned her head away from the crisp early Spring breeze that was leaking in through the cracked window. Her gaze now settled on him.

“It's just a ride, it's not a big deal.”

Jonathan shifted uncomfortably in the driver’s seat in response to the gratitude. A slight smile crept up in the corner of his mouth nonetheless. It seemed like every time Nancy extended a compliment or expressed any type of gratitude towards him, he stiffened up like the tin man.

“Yeah I guess.” Nancy lolled her head back lazily onto the headrest. "But it was last minute and I still appreciate it so _deal_ with it.”

She heard him huff a modest laugh and she turned back towards the sunlight beaming through the window, veiling her own smile.

“How’s your Mom?” Nancy finally asked after they drove in decidedly comfortable silence for a few miles.

“She’s...my Mom.” Jonathan exhales the response, ruffling his disheveled chestnut hair even more so than the wind had managed. Nancy had recently learned he fidgeted whenever he was uncertain about something.

“She’s just worried about Will, and I..I don’t blame her you know? I just..I don’t know.” He exhaled again at his lack of better words.

“You just what?”

Nancy was of course genuinely attentive to Joyce Byers’ well being, but if she was being completely honest with herself, she was selfishly using this as another opportunity to have a personal conversation with Jonathan.

“I just wish she would relax and finally move on from everything. She thinks Will isn’t the same and that something else is going on with him. She wants to take him to talk to someone.”

“And what does Will say?” Nancy rotated towards him and tucked her knees up to her chin.

“He says he's fine but he’s been quieter, a few nightmares, he zones out sometimes, but wouldn’t you? It's got to be so hard keeping everything that happened to him a secret. I know it is for me.”

Jonathan moved his right hand onto the steering wheel and the used the left to rest his head in his hand against the door. Nancy felt a shiver down her spine at the last bit. She knew all too well what big secrets tasted like. Barb's parents still hadn't learned the real truth about what really happened, let alone her own.

“It's only been a few months, everything will go back to normal.”

Nancy thought to slip in a ‘I promise’ but she was in no place to preach that. So instead she opted for a warm smile over the tops of her knees in his direction.

This time he met her eyes smiling back, allowing Nancy to see him return the gesture. There was something rather intimate about Jonathan Byers revealing his vulnerable side. Nancy found herself more drawn to this quality than she would ever be willing to admit. When he full on smiled or laughed outright, it didn't matter if it was in a crowded room or not, it was as though he were sharing a moment with her and only her.

“Well the Chief has been over a lot so there’s that I guess.” Jonathan interrupted her restless train of thought.

“Your Mom and the Chief!” Nancy exclaimed, not all that surprised actually.

“It’s not _like_ that. He’s been acting weird too, like he’s protecting us from something...or..or he's hiding something. I don't know. It’s hard to explain.” Jonathan responded skeptically.

“So what if it _was_?”

Nancy ignored the last part so not to feed into his concern and further worry him. She had no idea what was going on in his house and frankly, it wasn't her business to know. She turned to face forward again, tying up her stubborn curls for the fourth time today.

“Well it’s not. Speaking of _like that_ , where’s Steve?” Jonathan practically choked the last bit out. His attempt to sound caustic didn’t coast passed Nancy.

“He’s been really busy with baseball, scholarships and stuff. It’s cool I get it, I’ve been swamped with admissions crap too.”

Nancy tucked that one lock of hair that never seemed to stay up behind her ear, suddenly feeling self conscious. She didn't want to talk about Steve.

“Right, so that’s why you called me. Last resort, I get it.” Jonathan was joking this time and she could see it in the lines around his eyes when he grinned.

“Ass!” Nancy swatted his arm hard enough where the car swerved slightly in response. Since when had they become so casually _comfortable_ with one another?

“And for your information, I could’ve asked any one of the turds to help me pick out Mike’s birthday present but I figured you know them better than I do.”

“Oh why? Because I’m the pretentious creep so I obviously know your twelve year old brother's nerd crap better than you?” Nancy laughed outright.

“Yeah, that’s actually _exactly_ what I was thinking.”

She was beaming. She hadn’t felt the content of basic human conversation with anyone other than Jonathan in months. She was treading precarious waters.

“ _I’m_ the ass?”

"How about I come over for dinner tonight? I wanna see this Joyce Byers and Chief Hopper scandal for myself.”

Nancy hadn’t even given herself time to think about what she had just blurted, let alone stop the words from coming out of her mouth.

“You want to come over for dinner?” Jonathan was in a state of disbelief, he sure wasn’t alone.

“Yeah I mean, my Mom’s got PTA and she takes Holly with her. Dad works late on Thursday’s and Mike has after school science shit. Nuclear family.”

Nancy’s mouth was dry with her bold intrusion. Almost ten seconds had passed and he still hadn't responded. She inwardly face-palmed herself.

"I can totally order a pizza, I'm sorry, that was rud-" Nancy weakly added, before she was interrupted. 

"No, no it's fine. You should come over, my Mom would actually love some female interaction at home I'm sure." Jonathan laughed but his uneasines was given away by the awkward running of his hand through his hair again. 

"Are you sure? I mean with your Mom being worried about Will and everything.." Nancy was grateful for the lowering sun beaming in Jonathan's eyes because otherwise he would surely see her crimson complexion. 

"Seriously, it's fine, she'd love to have you...we'd love to have you."

This time Jonathan had mustered some tenacity in his response. He turned his head slowly, keeping his eyes on th road and gifted her an endearing smile. Nancy had to look down at her entangled fingers to mask her upturning lips for a second time on the car ride. _Dangerous._

"Okay, cool." 

"Cool." 

 _What_ was she getting herself into? 

* * *

 

 

**June 2, 1988**

 

"Michael! Your sister is home! Get your ass up here!" Nancy is slightly taken aback, she rarely heard her Mother curse, no matter how trivial. 

"Mom it's fine, I'm going to be here for three months."

Nancy is fully aware that her relationship with Mike has been rather estranged over the past couple of years and she is in no hurry for a forced and awkward confrontation. 

"He was supposed to come to the airport, the least he can do is make an appearance."

Her Mother blew her stubborn fly-a-ways out of her eyes that are lit with exasperation. She hadn't noticed until now that her Mother had aged since the last time she got a good look at her. A pang of guilt tightens in her stomach. She really _has_ missed a lot. 

Holly appears with a piece of paper in her hand and nudges it towards her Mother with an accomplished smile.

" _Mom, with Dustin and Lucas, be back before dark - Mike."_ Her Mother mutters the note aloud and begins to crumple the paper in momentary frustration but pauses and places it on the counter instead with a loud sigh. 

"Seriously Mom, I _really_ don't care. Aren't you glad he's getting out of the house more now instead of festering in that hellhole all day?"

Nancy knew the truth though. Mike was avoiding ground zero for some of the same reasons Nancy never wanted to come home. Their parents just didn't _get it_.

"Yeah...guess...he can.." Her voice is muffled as it trails away down the hall. Nancy lets out a long breath. Home _sweet_ home. 

"How about I fire up the grill, we'll have burgers tonight, your favorite!"

She almost forgot that her Father was standing there. He never had much to say, and when he did it was usually out of context and always further irritated her Mother. Nonetheless, his widened goofy eyes beamed behind his glasses. 

"Actually Dad, I was thinking about taking a ride into town, can I borrow the car?"

She feels bad about her blatant disregard and her temperamental tone that she acquired in her absence. 

"Sure honey." Completely oblivious. "We were going to wait until tomorrow but what the hell."

He tosses her a set of keys. She stumbles backwards to catch them so not to smack Holly in the head. She glances down at the messy metal wad and notices they were the keys to her Dad's commuter BMW. 

"Not the station wagon?" Nancy is confused.

"We figured you're home for the Summer and you'll need to be able to get around. It'll be Mike's when he gets his license this year, but for now it's yours. It may need some mechanical work but we'll deal with that when the time comes." Nancy doesn't know what to say.

"Thanks Dad, really, thank you." She means it.

She hugs her Father and presses her face into his chest. She feels a small set of arms wrap around her stomach. Nancy emits a giggle of affection. Okay, maybe she isn't _so_ stone cold, she would be lying if she didn't admit she missed her family just a little. 

"Ergh, Nancy you said you would draw with me!" Holly removes herself from the group hug, crossing her arms in a full on pout.

"I know, I know I did, and we will I promise. I just need to take care of some things first and then I'm all yours." Nancy drops down to meet Holly eye level and presses a quick kiss on her baby sister's forehead. 

"I'll be back by dark!" Nancy shouts over her shoulder as she swings the front door open.

"You're twenty two Nanc, I really don't think a curfew is necessary. Be safe, love you."

She pauses in the doorway, glancing backwards at her Father. He was right, she was twenty two and didn't _have_ to tell her parents where she was going or _exactly_ when she would be home anymore. The rush of freedom was intense. Even after living practically on her own for four years it still catches her off guard.

She all but sprints to the car, tossing her purse into the passenger seat, its contents spilling everywhere. She grips the wheel with a prompt smirk and starts the engine. It sputters a few times and finally the engine turns, producing the sound that would wake her up at five am every morning. 

Her delight was short-lived however. As she backs out of the driveway she substantiates that she has no idea where she is even going. She was in such a hurry to go _nowhere_. The suburban side streets whiz by her as her speed gradually increases. She can feel the burning sensation behind her eyes when it strikes her for the ten thousandth time that her best friend was _still_ gone and that she would _never_ see her again. How can she call Hawkins her home when everything she knew about it was so different now? She thought briefly about visiting Barb's Mother, but quickly decided that would send her spiraling into full on desolation. She was already teetering on the brink of insanity as it was. Perhaps she would go park at the high school and reminisce of simpler times. _Or_ she could-

Nancy shrieked in reaction to both the stop sign she had just nearly blown and the car that was leaning on the horn adjacent to her. She apologizes frantically out the window and allows a few seconds to collect herself. She hardly drove on campus, but her rustiness wasn't the reason behind the traffic accident she had almost just caused. Nancy took a deep breath and held it in for a long while before slowly letting it out. As she neared the center of town she pulled the car off to the side of the road and parked it on Main Street. 

It was a beautiful early Summer evening so she decides to continue on foot. She also needed to clear her head and perhaps driving wasn't the best activity to do in conjunction with that. She begins to climb out of the car and hesitates when her eyes settle on the movie theater across the street. Flashbacks cascade behind her blue eyes. A unique boy, a misunderstood girl, and one  _incredibly_ fucked up situation. It felt like an outer body experience, a different life. She shakes her head and slams the door shut, shattering the memories with it.

* * *

 

 

**June 2, 1988**

 

Nancy is hardly a drinker. She limits her alcohol consumption to special occasions and all of the five parties she attended in college. Barbara's Father heavily relied on the bottle and she saw the pain it inflicted on her over the span of their decade long friendship. She was never into the concept of being _wasted_ , but right now Nancy leveled that she could use a drink to calm her nerves. Twenty two or not, her Mother would have a psychotic break if she walked in on Nancy swigging out of a bottle by herself at home. It was far from her intention when she left the house but she couldn't thwart stopping at the local pub for a happy hour indulgence. She wasn't self-medicating by any means. Nancy had far too much self-awareness and was too paranoid to allow herself to yield to that. However, her nerves were akin to the strings on a guitar being wound tighter and tighter, threatening to snap at any moment.

Nancy steps into the dimly lit bar, the thick layer of smoke and overall bar aroma causing her to scrunch her face and instinctively waive it away from her nostrils. It takes her eyes several seconds to adjust to the lighting. She immediately notices the inside was totally redone. She had been in the bar multiple times with her parents for dinner in the past. She eyes a seat on the end, away from the cluster of people sitting in the middle. She settles into her seat awkwardly, feeling largely out of place. She tries not to make eye contact with the two well-groomed men in suits staring directly at her. She uses her peripherals to note they were drinking dark brown liquor, one muttered something to the other.

"What can I get for you?" Nancy jumps at the voice coming from a middle-aged bartender who was impatiently waiting for her. 

"Oh...uh, plain martini please?"

Nancy never ordered alcohol for herself, and she is distracted to top it off. Someone typically handed her a drink or she just grabbed whatever was available. Her Mother drank martinis on special occasions so it was the first thing that came to mind. She is still coming to terms with the sad fact that she had landed herself in a bar only an hour into being back in town. Who was she? 

The bartender nods instead of verbally acknowledging her. She vaguely wonders if anyone ever got carded here. She is fairly certain Steve and the gang hung around the pub back in high school. She had been invited numerous times but she was always too cautious of her parents finding out. The bartender returns with her drink, places it on the coaster in front of her and returned to whatever she was doing previously. She peaks to her right, they're still staring. 

"Excuse me, I'm sorry...what do I owe you?" Nancy turns back towards the bartender, wondering why she hadn't been given a total.

"It's on the house dear."

The woman gestures her hand over her left shoulder behind her. Nancy turns towards the mystery payer, praying it wasn't one of the creeps, but instead is greeted by a very familiar face. Her mouth drops and she practically falls off of the bar stool. 

"Well well, look who it is. Is that Nancy Wheeler?" Oh my god, _speak of the devil_.

If she hadn't already spotted the gracious brunette approaching her from behind the bar, she would've unequivocally recognized his animated voice. She can't label the reaction she was experiencing in response to the appearance of her old flame. It is a culmination of adrenaline, anxiety, the impulse to run in the opposite direction, and good old fashioned humiliation. 

Steve tosses a small white towel over the dip of his shoulder, grinning that egotistical grin from ear to ear. She hasn't seen or heard from him since the Summer she left for her Freshman year. That time frame was a muddy mess of emotions and it took her years to put most of it behind her. She didn't know what else she _should_ expect. Of course she was bound to run into familiar faces, some more so than others. Nancy wasn't _that_ dense. She had waltzed herself into a local hot spot and didn't expect to come across a single hindrance? The thing about small towns was those who actually made it out, typically made their way back at some point.

"I, um, hey..hi...how are you?" Nancy is somehow able to stammer out the broken response over her heart beating wildly in her ears.

She grazes her palm across her forehead, feeling the blood rush to her face. She can't tell if the heat was due to embarrassment, the alcohol, or both. 

"C'mon, don't tell me you forgot about me."

Steve leans in towards her, resting his weight on his elbows. He is close enough where she could smell his cologne. He hasn't changed one bit. Nancy uses her shaky hand to take a considerably large sip of her drink. The gasoline-like liquid burns a path down her throat in it's wake.

"Of course not.." Nancy cringes as the drink scorched her chest and from her lame response. 

She tries her best to smooth out her tone so not to reveal her uneasiness completely. She is certain he can read the weakness regardless and attack it like he always used to. She impulsively looks for the nearest exit. She can't help it, she wants to bail, right now, immediately. 

"You always were adorable when you were nervous." Steve smiles, backing off.

He removes the towel from his shoulder and wipes the area down in front of him. Nancy opens her mouth to respond but he beat her to it.

"So what're you doing here?"

She could ask him the same question. What is he doing _bartending..here in Hawkins?_ Why isn't he playing baseball for the big leagues? Or working some ordinary office job like he had always predicted for himself? 

"Just graduated...home for the Summer...just the Summer." It is the best response she can warrant.

Her heart rate is increasing and she has to wipe her clammy palms on her shorts. Steve isn't  disrupting her nerves in _that_ way, it is exclusively due to the circumstances in which she left things off. She was  and still is extremely embarrassed that she basically split for college and left everyone in the dust, including Steve. This encounter was stirring dormant emotions back to the surface. 

"In Hawkins Nanc..what're you doing back in Hawkins? I honestly thought I would never see you again."

Nancy ignores the last bit and narrows her eyes at his use of her epithet. She can't tell if he's cleaning the counters with such conviction because he is just as nervous as her and he's just better at hiding it. 

"Like I said...just home for the Summer."

She shrugs her shoulders, praying her nerves would roll off the tops of them. No such luck. The towel pauses in Steve's hand. He's thinking. 

"Tell you what, I'll grab a beer, let's catch up..meet me over there." He gestures towards a table on the far side of the bar. _What?_

"I really don't...but you're working..?" Nancy doesn't think it's appropriate, nor does she want to have this kind of interaction on her first day home. It's just too much. 

"Psh, my Dad bought the place out two years ago, I just come by every now and then to check up on everything, I'll meet you at the table in five."

Steve grants an innocent grin and disappears into the back room behind the bar. Nancy clears her throat, not noticing until then how dry it had gotten. Against her better judgement, she rises from the bar stool and made her way towards the table Steve had pointed at. 

She settles herself at the table nervously and wipes her hands on her jean shorts again. The men in suits are still staring. There is now two men in military uniforms accompanying them. This time she met their gaze and widened her eyes at them, making them aware she noticed. The older one of the two finishes his drink and grabs his briefcase from under the bar stool and slowly rises to his feet, finally breaking his gaze. He taps the other's shoulder and they begin to exit the bar when she noticed the engraving on the side of his briefcase. _Hawkins Power and Light._ Wait, aren't they supposed to be-

Her view of the two men is impeded with Steve's dramatic plop into the seat across from her. She can't help but lean slightly out of her chair to follow them with her eyes as they exit the bar. Steve notices her distraction and turns slowly to look behind him, then back around to face her again.

"Those guys give you a hard time or something?" 

"What? Oh..no..I thought I saw something..it's nothing."

Nancy chokes down another disgusting mouthful of her drink, this time not bothering to mask her distaste. How did her Mother drink these? Steve takes a slow sip from his beer, watching her carefully. She still can't believe he is sitting right there, across from her. 

"Those dudes give me the creeps, my Dad said not to trust em' but also not to refuse service." He sounded spooked.

"Oh." Nancy has no clue how to respond. 

"I'm not mad you know, I never was."

She's unsure of how much time has passed before he finally spoke again. Her stomach twists in response to his words. She shifts her eyes down to the table, unable to come up with a reply of her own. It was easy for him to say that for a few reasons. It has been four long years, and besides, he didn't know the _half_ of it. She lifts her gaze to the boy, _the man_ , she gave her virginity to so long ago. 

"Look I-" She is going to give it her best attempt to try to explain herself. 

In the grand scheme of things, she didn't have to. Enough time had gone by where she could have easily said she didn't owe him an explanation at all. Why dig up the past? But there was also that part of her that knew the right thing to do for her sake and morality's was to seize the opportunity to discuss it. She went with the latter. 

"-We were just _kids_ , and I don't blame you. The shit that happened that year...it was _crazy_...and I didn't blame you then for leaving the way you did and I still don't. Sure I was mad at first but, I got over it." He interrupted her before she had the chance to stutter out a half-ass response.

She hears Steve gulp his beer back and he holds his gaze on her until she finally meets his eyes. She feels even more guilty now that she knew he hadn't held the slightest grudge. But, if he had he known the lot of it she was certain he wouldn't be so forgiving. 

"I should've said goodbye..I should've ended it, I never even _called._." She can hear her voice but her lips are numb. 

"Yeah, that sucked. I saw it coming though." Steve laughs outright.

Why is he taking this so well? Is this what time did for normal people? Time healed all wounds and people went back to their lives when it did? 

"You saw _what_ coming?" Nancy is curious as to _which part_ he foresaw. Steve raises his eyebrows and narrows his lips in a flat line as if the answer were obvious.

"You were distant, didn't return my calls, never home when I stopped by..and.."

 _And what_. His voice trails off as he waives his hand through the air as part of his explanation. Nancy turns bright red and shifts uncomfortably. She considers for a second time taking off in a full on sprint for the exit.

"And I knew how close your family was to Will and Jonathan's."

His tone shifts slightly at the addition to the discussion, as if it were hard for Steve to say.

Nancy places her head in her hands and raked the stray hairs back on top of her head. So maybe he did know.

"I don't know what to say." She really doesn't. She is drawing a blank. 

"I'm not expecting you to say anything Nanc, it was a long time ago..what I'm _trying_ to get at is that we're all different people now..and that's okay." Steve exhales and leans back in his chair, fumbling a bottle cap in his hand.

She hadn't noticed earlier how much Steve had filled out. He was sporting a five o'clock shadow and he is much more muscular than she remembered. I guess he was right, they had grown up.

"But still, you didn't deserve that..and.. _thank you_."

The filter between her thoughts and her mouth is obviously impaired. But she needed to hear that. It made her feel less like an enemy in her hometown. Steve reaches across the table and places his hands on top of hers, she thinks to move them away instinctively but holds them there, anticipating another response. 

"I can see you're still as hard on yourself as you ever were. _Let it go._ "

He is being so sincere with her it caused her chest to tighten. She really was hard on herself constantly but she felt as though she didn't deserve his forgiveness. He taps his hands against hers and returns them to his side of the table. 

"Thank you." The burning promise of tears threatens her eyes. She finishes the last of her drink and sets it down on the table, eyeing the stem of the glass.

They sat a little while longer, stumbling through awkward grocery-line small talk. He asks her about school, her family, and how she was handling things overall. Careful not to reveal too much about her true emotional state, she keeps her responses short and sweet. 

"I gotta head out, you caught me as I was about to leave, can I at least walk you to your car?" Steve stands from his seat, combing the sides of his hair with his fingers.

"Yeah, sure." Nancy finally smiles. It was the least she could do. 

They exit the bar and are greeted by the setting sun. She didn't think she had been inside long at all, but the orange and red rays of light beaming her in the face begged to differ. She still couldn't comprehend the interaction she just had with Steve. She decides she is going to go home and stare at her ceiling for hours, dissecting every word he said. 

"Whoa! Nice ride! I thought you were a med _student_. You some kind of doctor already?" Steve lets out a low whistle at her Father's car. 

" _Right_. My Dad lent it to me for the Summer." She had forgotten how much Steve appreciated cars.

"I'm sure he'd let you take it for a drive." Nancy isn't sure why she thought to add that.

Perhaps it was to compensate for his generosity in the bar. He didn't have to approach her and he definitely didn't have to be as understanding as he was. Nancy thought maybe she was in the right place at the right time, that she was meant to have that conversation. Steve Harrington wasn't the pompous asshole everyone thought he was in high school. But that's just it isn't it? High school was nothing but a distant memory now.

"As _tempting_ as that offer is, I don't think my girl would appreciate me joy riding around in some _other_ girl's car."

Nancy hinders as she lowers herself into the drivers seat. Steve is leaning on the open door with a thoughtful smirk. _Was that a...jab? Did he mean?_

"Oh your girlfriend. I'm sorry, back there, we shouldn't have.."

She wonders why he hadn't mentioned it inside. Is she was supposed to feel a stab of jealousy that usually came when exes started dating new people? It never comes.

"Stop it, we're just old friends catching up. If you actually stick around this time maybe you'll get to meet her." Steve shuts the door with a solid click and bends down to the window. Nancy started the engine, she was ready to get the hell out of dodge. The motor sputters before finally starting.

"Yikes! That doesn't sound good. Give it some gas." She does as Steve instructs her. She briefly remembered her Father saying the car may potentially need mechanical work.

"Is that bad?" Nancy couldn't help but giggle at her total ignorance when it came to cars.

"I would get it checked out, listen I gotta go, you're not runnin' again are ya?"

Nancy shakes her head slowly, forcing a smile. _Not yet._ He leanesinside the car pressing an innocent kiss to her cheek before tapping the window frame and spinning on his heels. He started towards his car that was parked farther down the street but stopped and turned back towards her. 

"You should take it to Jonathan, kid's real good at fixin' up cars, I'll see you soon Nancy Wheeler."

Steve grins and saluted her with two fingers over his shoulder disappearing into the luminous sunset that settled over main street. 

Nancy's breath hitches in her throat at the simple mention of him. She had barely processed the notion that she just shared a drink with _Steve Harrington._ There was no way she could even consider seeing Jonathan anytime soon. Nancy knew this though. She spent the majority of her flight home contemplating the first time she would see Jonathan again. She wondered how he would react, what would he say, if he would say anything at all. What would _she_ say? What would she have done if he wasn't even in Hawkins anymore and she lost her chance? Or _even worse_ , what if he brushed her off and wanted nothing to do with her? Nancy's mind was reeling.

She needed time to think. Her first day back in Hawkins had been far more adventurous than she ever anticipated. She was grateful for Steve's merciful truce in the bar but it was collectively _too_  much to digest all at once. Nancy just wanted to go to her room and be alone with her thoughts for a _long_ time. 

She makes a U-turn squinting her eyes against the sunset. She grips the steering wheel so hard she could see the white's of her knuckles, feeling a lone tear trickle down her cheek. She removes one hand from the wheel and uses the free one to reach into her purse, her eyes never moving off the road. She grasps the cassette and pops it into the stereo of the car. She fast forwards the tape to the beginning, slamming the play button. She slants her head back onto the headrest hoping the elevation would stop her tears. She turns the volume all the way up and just _drives._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I've raised more questions than answers. It's going to take some time for me to get to reveal a lot of the things that happened in the past. I hope the time jumps aren't too confusing. They're always going to be cohesive with Nancy's thoughts and memories. I'm also focusing on setting up the relationship dynamics first before I get to the overall plot. There is an abundance of information I need to piece together and it will take time. Thanks for reading, let me know what you guys think so far!


	3. Chapter 3

**THREE**

 

_Every time I think of you, I always catch my breath._

_And I'm still standing here, and you're miles away_

 

 

**April 19, 1984**

 

"You've really outdone yourself this time Joyce, this is _incredible._ "

The compliment was muffled by the mouthful of food Nancy was unpleasantly yapping away with. It was the fifth time Nancy had spent the evening at the Byers' household for dinner in just a few short weeks. Nancy had been acutely apprehensive about inviting herself over initially but in hindsight she was certainly glad that she did. She learned right away that Joyce was a great cook and even better company. There had been nagging thoughts of guilt that came and went each time Nancy spent time with Jonathan or his family. Nancy knew it was primarily due to the fact that it was rather inappropriate and unfair to Steve, but her overwhelming curiosity ultimately got the best of her and overshadowed the angel on her shoulder.

"Thank you Nancy, but let's be honest, there's no _way_ it competes with your Mom's and we both know it." Joyce giggled endearingly as she reached across the table to pour herself another glass of wine.

She was always wound so tightly with responsibility and doubt, it was a relief to see her light with content and surrounded by her family. Nancy barely recognized her when the lines around her eyes tightened when she grinned. She wasn't prepared for the warming sensation that crept over her with the consideration. Nancy cleared her throat and shifted her position in her seat to shake away the intrusive emotion. 

"Yeah but-"

"-Yeah but take the compliment Mom, everything is great."

Jonathan met Nancy's eyes through the chestnut fringes hanging down over his forehead with a smirk before pointing his fork at Joyce, forcing her to accept the admiration. Joyce was incapable of accepting flattery Nancy noticed, so instead she shifted the conversation slightly.

"Will, you've barely touched your food, are you feeling sick again today?"

The Joyce Byers that Nancy was more familiar with washed back over her face, her eyes narrowed in motherly concern. Nancy had actually forgotten Will was at the table, he was pretty quiet that evening. 

"Oh...yeah Mom, I'm fine, really. I'm just tired...and I had a big lunch. Can I be excused?"

Will responded with a slight smile but simultaneously so flat, Nancy couldn't help but be uneasy. She slowed her chewing and shifted her eyes towards Joyce instinctively, anticipating her reaction. 

"Okay...sure honey. I'll wrap yours for lunch tomorrow?"

Nancy could tell Joyce forced herself to sound accepting and supportive of Will's claim of being only tired. Maybe Jonathan's reasons for being troubled constantly weren't as unnecessary as Nancy had originally thought. He was definitely acting _strange_. 

"Yeah, sure. Goodnight guys..bye Nancy, it was nice to see you." Will pushed himself up from the dinner table and disappeared down the hall, clicking his door shut gently. 

 _It was nice to see you._ It was rather haunting when Nancy gave it more thought. He hadn't been over her house to hang out with her brother and his friends in a couple weeks which was out of character. Outwardly Will looked fine though, Nancy had surmised. The previous times she had been over for dinner over the course of the last few weeks, he seemed normal as well. But then again, how well did Nancy _really_ know the kid? He was typically holed up in her basement playing that stupid game for hours on end, but she didn't know him as a person at all. She would never know if there was something going on with him based off of one instance. Mike excused himself from the table all the time and fled to his room. Nancy did however note that Will routinely made a point to playfully give Jonathan a hard time about Nancy being over for dinner, and on that evening he sat in dismal silence. Perhaps there was some cause for alarm due to his behavior. Her thoughts were interrupted with a long sigh from Joyce, followed by a fork clattering dramatically against a plate. 

"What do _you_ think?" Joyce was holding her exhausted gaze on Jonathan now, who was moving food around his plate as if that would diffuse the current tension. 

"I don't know Mom. His doctor and counselor said to give him time but it's been five months now. Maybe we should get a second opinion."

Jonathan wiped his mouth off on a nearby napkin, crumpling it and disposing it on top of his half eaten food. Nancy assumed his appetite had been ruined. She suddenly felt like the walls were closing in, maybe she should excuse herself as well. She shouldn't be an audience for this.

"I just don't know where I'm going to come up with the money for specialists Jonathan. I just...I can't...I just want this to be _over_."

Joyce sputtered on the brink of tears as she ran both of her hands through her hair, pushing it up and away from her face.

She reached for her cigarettes that she always seemed to keep nearby, lighting one and taking a long drag. It was strange to see her smoking at the dinner table. It would never fly in Nancy's house, and personally she found the habit repelling, but she didn't blame Joyce for turning to something that could provide some solace in stressful situations. Jonathan didn't have a chance to respond when the front door flung open and all three of them snapped their heads towards it. The Chief burst into the room in his inadvertently authoritative demeanor.

"Sorry I'm late, seems like they only keep me in that sesspool when I have somewhere to be."

Nancy watched as he hung his hat on the coat rack and made his way towards them. Her heart was racing both from the door flinging open unexpectedly and because her theory about Joyce and the Chief seemed to be holding some weight. Nancy turned her head slyly, meeting Jonathan's _'don't even'_ glare. The chief grabbed the extra plate Joyce had prepared him earlier off of the counter and sat down. He immediately started scarfing back his food as if he hadn't eaten in days. It took him a solid minute to sense that eyes were on him. It was so strange to see Chief Hopper out of his element.

"What..?"

With a mouthful of food he shifted his eyes to Joyce, then Jonathan, then Nancy, and back to Joyce, whose only response was a long exhale of cigarette smoke. Nancy cleared her throat and placed her napkin on her plate, signaling her defeat. 

"Let me at least start cleaning up for you." Nancy picked up her plate, along with Will's and brought them to the counter, easing some of the stress the current situation was laying on her. 

"Oh Nancy you don't have to-" 

"Stop that, I _insist_." Nancy spoke over her shoulder, cutting Joyce off.

Manners aside, Nancy honestly didn't want to sit at the table any longer after Will had excused himself. She was torn between waiting for the Chief to finish his meal because it was the polite thing to do, and extracting herself from an uncomfortable situation. She went with the latter. That evening was just _different._ Dinner in the Byers' house up until then had been warmly chaotic. It was such a contrast to her own routine household and she found herself drawn to the change in atmosphere. They didn't have a lot but they made do with what they had and it always made Nancy feel more comfortable than she had ever planned on allowing. She felt a presence next to her that caused the hairs on the back of her neck to stand. Her reactions to Jonathan's proximity were becoming problematic. 

"Sorry about all that. I tried to tel-" Jonathan sighed as he cleared his plate into the nearby trash.

Nancy tilted her glare in his direction long enough for him to realize she wasn't in the least bit going to accept an apology for something that was out of his control. Not to mention the fact that it had been her idea to spend dinner at their house in the first place. If anyone should be sorry, it was Nancy for ambushing them when they were clearly going through things she couldn't begin to imagine and she was in no place to selfishly intrude. 

He must've detected this because instead of speaking he just lowered his head and shook it, smiling slightly down at the dishes. They moved around each other in silence with fluidity and ease, cleaning what was left of the dinner preparations. The only sounds emitted were from the clanking of the dishes and the light conversation coming from the dinner table. Nancy felt a staggering sense of domestication with the simple chore and it both intimidated and thrilled her. She placed Will's leftovers for lunch the next day into the fridge and turned slowly on her heels to lean against the door, shutting it timidly behind her.

Nancy was hesitant of her next move, being she wanted to stay a bit longer, but up until that point, she always left right after dinner. _Which was the appropriate thing to do as far as appropriate goes in the current situation._ Nancy cringed as her subconscious spat at her. Jonathan's back was still to her so she used this to her advantage and quickly racked her brain for something, _anything_ , to say. She opened her mouth several times to speak and repeatedly closed it. It felt as though the room were shrinking and the air was being sucked out of it. Why was she psyching herself out all of a sudden? She ran out of time.

"I can bring you home if you want, I know it's getting late." Jonathan was reluctantly looking at her now, toweling his hands off.

She could tell he was uncomfortable, but she wasn't sure if it was due to Will's behavior earlier or if Nancy's ambiguous vibes were radiating through the room. _If you want._ No she didn't want to leave, what she wanted was to think of something to say but her extensive vocabulary was betraying her. 

"Yeah...sure...I'll just grab my things." Stupid Nancy, _stupid._

She fled the kitchen, inwardly berating herself for complying. Why was it so difficult for her to use her words when she needed them the most? She met Joyce's tired smile and returned the gesture as she passed by the dinner table to grab her purse and backpack off of the couch. She waved the stagnant cigarette smoke from her face as she slung her backpack onto her shoulders. She retrieved her lip balm from her purse and bored her eyes into the couch as she slowly applied it.

The memory of Christmas lights, bandaged hands and terror flashed through her memory. Despite it only being a few months prior, it felt like a lifetime had passed since the horrific events that took place in November. Nancy didn't think she would _ever_ stop having night terrors. It took her weeks to sleep with her lights off and even longer to keep her door closed at night. Some things stuck with you forever, no matter what. 

"Ready?" Jonathan's keys rattled in his denim jacket as he tossed it around himself. 

"Yeah. Thanks again for having me Joyce, dinner was awesome. See ya Chief." Nancy weakly attempted to sound natural as she tucked her curls behind her ears. 

"You're welcome honey, thank you _so_ much for cleaning up. Feel free to come back any time you like...and sorry about the whole.." Joyce waived her hand with the cigarette in it towards where Will was sitting earlier.

The chief lifted his exhausted gaze to her and gestured a 'see ya' with his hand. Nancy was unsure of what exactly was going on between Jonathan's mother and the Chief, but whatever it was, she was just relieved that there was father-like figure hanging around the house.

"Seriously, don't even worry about it, honestly." Nancy responded genuinely this time.

The last thing she wanted was Jonathan or Joyce thinking they had a reason to apologize to her. Maybe she should see this particular evening as a warning sign that she was treading risky waters without a life vest. She didn't want to further push her luck with the situation she landed herself in, whatever that situation may be. Nancy didn't know how to label her intentions when it came to spending time with Jonathan Byers but she was concurrently hyper aware of how _wrong_ it really was. The fact that she hid it from Steve and her Mother spoke volumes because she knew they would disapprove. Despite her understanding of that, she couldn't thwart herself. She felt as though she were slamming on the brakes knowing she would indefinitely crash regardless, so what was the point of braking at all?

She waved over her shoulder as a final departing indication and stepped outside into the crisp Spring night. She settled into Jonathan's car and lolled her head back onto the headrest, breathing in the scent of him that consistently overpowered her. A familiar tune started on the stereo and Jonathan turned it up in response, like Nancy knew he would. She smiled to herself at her latest ability to predict his behavior and wondered what the hell she was going to do about the mess she created.  _Screw the brakes._  

* * *

 

 

**June 3, 1988**

 

Groaning in agitation, Nancy rolls onto her stomach as the unforgiving sunlight beamed directly into her face. She pulls her pillow over her head and huffs a grunt into her mattress. She hadn't slept much the night before due to her tumultuous thoughts and it was becoming increasingly obvious she wouldn't get to sleep in either. She didn't want to get up and face the day, to face _Hawkins_. However, she didn't particularly favor wasting away in her house all day either. She could distantly hear breakfast plates clanging downstairs and the bustling of her family on a chaotic Saturday morning. She could also vaguely hear a deep voice that she hardly recognized, Mike. She rolls over again onto her back, releasing an exasperated sigh. She reaches for her watch on her nightstand and checks the time as if time even mattered. She had nowhere to be which only furthered her anxiety. She levels her glare on her door when a faint knock from the other side dances through the room. 

"I'll be down in a minute!"

Nancy groans again and drags her hand down her face in exasperation. Despite her response, the door creaks open slowly, and a small figured emerges into the sunlight. All she could make out was a bouncing braid and blonde hair.

"Hey Holly, I'll be down in a few okay?"

Nancy rose onto her elbows now, hoping her little sister wouldn't pick up on her negligent tone. Nancy notes Holly was smarter than she gave her credit for because she seemed to notice Nancy's irritability. She timidly entered the room fully and placed what looked like a drawing on the foot of her bed before exiting just as quickly as she came. 

Nancy reached down to grab the picture and yielded to immediate guilt. Holly drew a picture of the entire family holding hands, and on top in vibrant letters it read,  _Wellcom Home Nancy!_

"You are such an asshole." Nancy grunts out loud to herself as she fell backwards again, still clutching the picture.

She keenly accepted that she needed to lock selfish Nancy away for the Summer and allow humble and considerate Nancy to breathe the free air again. She was so used to living on her own and only having to acknowledge her own needs and feelings that she had forgotten how to be a part of her own family. If there was anyone in the house who definitely didn't deserve her negative demeanor it was her seven year old sister who very obviously missed her.

Nancy lazily strode to her empty dresser, placing the drawing on top, examining it one last time. She briefly considered getting dressed for breakfast but decided against it. _What was the point_. She hadn't even unpacked yet and wasn't planning on it anytime soon either. She makes her way downstairs and the first one that came into view was Mikes. He looked so different she could barely believe it was her little brother. His hair was shorter now, but still a total mess. She estimates he was at least two or three inches taller than her and is that...facial hair? 

"Hey...good morning."

Nancy weakly announces her presence to her family as though she were an outsider. All four of them turn towards her and she feels like running back up the stairs. 

"Hey! There she is!" Mike's voice cracks slightly with the greeting and it's so much deeper than the voice she was most familiar with that she almost falls over.

Placing his plate on the table, he strides over towards her at the bottom of the stairs. As she accepts the familial hug she realizes he is at least _three_ inches taller and actually managed to put on some muscle weight. It is crazy how much she has missed. She's still rather surprised to see Mike though. Nancy had gathered from her Mother's phone calls to her at school that he was rarely home and if he was, he was distant. The greeting is meant to be warm, but instead it's rather awkward because she feels as though she's embracing a stranger. 

"Okay... _okay_." She playfully pushes him away because personal interactions with those closest to her were draining even in small doses.

"And I see you've only gotten grumpier in your old age." Mike retorts as he plops himself at the table, jamming a massive forkful of pancakes into his mouth. 

"Ha." Nancy narrows her eyes at him as she seats herself. 

It's almost an outer body experience to be eating breakfast with her family. This is her family, the only family she ever knew, yet she hardly recognizes any of them. She moves her breakfast around her plate, thinking of how to contribute to the bustling conversation around her. Mike is applying for colleges soon, Holly is the lead in her school play at the end of the month, her Father had gotten a huge promotion recently and her Mother started a cooking club at the town's community center. So many exciting things are happening within her family and Nancy has no idea what to say. She is  _far_ from a textbook failure herself. She graduated at the top of her high school and college classes and is soon entering med school. She's pursuing her dreams and everyone in her family is erupting with success and achievement, so why does she feel so _hollow_? Like non of this mattered?

"How are the Byers doing?"

The question must've been somewhere deep in her subconscious because she isn't outrightly aware she was thinking about them. But on the contrary, who is she kidding? She has been fighting off thoughts of Jonathan for years, let alone since she arrived home the day before. The atmosphere promptly switched gears at Nancy's outwardly innocent question. Mike blatantly stiffens in his seat and their Mother tilts her head in the way that it always did when she had an opinion of something but didn't plan on sharing it. 

"Did I say something?" Nancy's interest is piqued but she remains stoic.

Now she definitely wanted some insight and if she's being honest with herself, she's slightly put off by their reactions. 

"Last I heard they were doing okay." Nancy's Mother doesn't lift her concentrated eyes from her plate.

"The last you heard? Do you not keep in touch with Joyce anymore? What about Will, do you guys still hang out?"

Nancy looks to Mike who is also staring at his plate and then back to her Mother. Her Father ferments in his typical silence, sipping his orange juice completely ignoring the interaction. 

"I didn't tell you while you were away because I didn't think it mattered. There's more to this town than Will Byers." She paused. "He was pulled from school two years ago, I lost touch with Joyce after she quit her job. I guess after everything that happened with the disappearance..." Her voice trails off in disdain and uncertainty.

 _There was more to this town than Will Byers._ What was that supposed to mean? Was that _resentment_ she sensed in her Mother's tone?

"It's a monster! Rawr!"

Holly makes a claw with her hand and giggles, indicating she has no idea there was ever a _very real_ monster and perhaps overheard conversation that was relayed to her as fiction. Nancy is positive she wouldn't be able to sleep at night if she knew a fraction of the horrific details. Her parents still had no knowledge of the alien creature, so how could she? The mention of the monster still manages to send a shiver down her spine.

"What? Are you-" 

"-Why do you care? When you _were_ haround all you ever did was make fun of us anyways." Mike's voice is flat and this only furthers her agitation. 

Nancy is pissed off that no one shared this information with her. Years had gone by and no one even mentioned it? Her appetite is ruined. She slams down her fork ready for a fight. 

"After everything that happened are you actually going to treat me like I don't give a shit? That was _serious_ shit..and..and.." She is saying too much but doesn't care.

"Nancy!" Her Mother doesn't stand a chance. 

"And what? It's been years! What do you know? Where have you been? Oh wait, not here!" Mike's voice cracked as his tone finally catches up to the situation and he is spitting venom at her.

He knows exactly how to hurt her but Nancy isn't sure why that is his intention. Her mouth is gaping open, completely stunned that he would actually verbalize what everyone else was most likely thinking about but would never say it. 

"Oh, _excuse me_ for going to _college._ What the hell is wrong with you! This is why I never-"

 _"Enough!_ That. Is. Enough _._ " Nancy's Mother rarely yelled, but when she did it was not to be disregarded.

She stares Nancy down and swiftly shifts her eyes to Holly, to Mike and then cements them intensely on Nancy. She's trying to communicate that Holly had no idea about what happened in their town when she was a toddler and that she had no intentions of ever telling her. Although her parents didn't know the truth in its entirety either, their version was still enough to scare Holly. It was bad enough that she occasionally asked about Barb. Nancy Wheeler hated backing down when she believed a conversation was far from over but she threw down her silverware once more, signaling retreat.

"Great family we've got here. Pretending everything's okay as long as our _perfectly_ normal lives go _perfectly!_  But to hell with everyone else right? You never cared about Will or Joyce! You didn't even believe _me_ when I told you Barb was _missing!_ It may have been four years, and I may not have been here for most of it, but I remember _everything_ and it still keeps me awake at night! And you act like it never even happened! _Screw. This._ I don't need to listen to your half-assed excuses."

As Nancy stands from the table in a fit of rage her knees bump the edge, causing all of the plates on the table to clatter and Holly to emit a tiny shriek. She doesn't bother to glimpse at any of their faces upon her less than gracious exit, though she is sure they are plastered with shock. Nancy's blood is boiling and though she is distantly aware that her outburst is more than likely due to years of bottling things up, she quite frankly doesn't care.

She knows that she's undoubtedly overreacting and it has far more to do with her own issues than the well-being of the Byers family. She doesn't care that she ruined her family's breakfast or that she finally let them in on the person she has become. She just wants to get the hell away from them all.

While storming up to her room she can faintly hear Mike say something along the lines of _'she only gave a shit about Jonathan and not Will'._ She slams the door behind her with a force that obscurely reminded her of the strength that she was capable of. She presses her back against it and slowly slides to the floor in a gross sob. Her body shakes violently as the excessive burden she has been carrying for years ripples through her and to the surface.

She constricts her arms around herself as if it will implement any real comfort, it doesn't. She can deny it until she was blue in the face but what Nancy truly wanted in these raw moments of weakness was for  _someone_  to hold her in tranquil silence. She doesn't need to be told everything would be okay and that eventually she would be able to put everything behind her because from Nancy's standpoint, that was reasonably bullshit. What she wants, what she _needs_ , is for impartial human connection. She doesn't need anyone to save her. They don't have to understand her pain and they definitely don't need to hold the answer to all of her problems. She just needs  _someone_. She cradles her head in her hands and as her tears spatter onto her bare knees, Nancy realizes she would never find what she was looking for in Hawkins. Through the broken sobs and whimpers she deduces that there is likely no place for her here any longer. 

* * *

 

 

**April 25, 1984**

 

"He doesn't know you're here, does he?" Jonathan stood from a crouching position, adjusting the focus on his camera.

The question came out passively but Nancy assumed he had been thinking about saying something along those lines for quite some time. She didn't blame him, her curiosity would've gotten the best of her right away had she been in his shoes. His back was to her and she was thankful for it because she was fairly certain she cringed in reaction to his inquiry.

"It's not like that."

Nancy feebly attempted to sound like it wasn't a big deal that she was virtually lying to Steve on a weekly basis regarding her whereabouts. They didn't see each other much these days, at least not like they used to because of the school year coming to an end and the hassles of college admission that accompanied it. They hadn't even been intimate since everything that happened. They were quite clearly going down separate paths and they each neglected to address it. However, in Nancy's code of ethics, remaining mum on a questionable situation and flat out lying were essentially the same poison. 

"Well _I_ know that...but would  _he_?" Nancy could hear the smirk on his face with his response followed by several more camera clicks.

She shoved her hands into her pockets and rolled her head back to the sky, knowing this conversation was bound to come up eventually. When she lowered her head back down, Jonathan was looking at her curiously over his shoulder. 

"Is there a reason _why_ you haven't told him?" Jonathan's lighthearted tone was replaced by uncertainty and it also sounded as though he were anticipating...rejection?

" _No_." She quickly lied.

The rest of her words escaped her as his gaze moved slowly back to the scenic quarry he was photographing for a school assignment. Nancy could tell she was being flagrantly transparent. She was trusting the conversation would diffuse as it always did when they touched on uncomfortably personal things like these and one of them would divert the subject. She twisted her palms together, grazing her thumb over the scar.

"We never see each other anymore because he's so busy with baseball and scholarships and whatever...plus I have my own stuff to deal with. I don't even know if we're still _together_." Nancy squeezed her eyes shut tight reflexively at her lame and unnecessary response.

As far as Nancy was concerned in her mind, she and Steve were through. They didn't fit into the parameters of a relationship any longer and Nancy was vastly aware of this. She just hadn't made the time or effort to express this to Steve so this was where she was currently at. 

"Steve isn't as bad of a dude as I thought before...everything."

Jonathan was now staring out at the horizon that lay on the edges of the quarry, the reflection of the water below glistening against his clothing in the lowering sun. She realized at times that she took the beauty of her home town for granted. 

"What's your point?" Nancy couldn't stifle her skepticism. Jonathan barely mentioned Steve and he certainly never complimented him. 

"My point is..." He snapped a few more photos before finishing his sentence. "...maybe this is a conversation you should be having with him and not me?"

She felt shame and embarrassment creeping up her neck before it completely lit up her face. He was right. He turned to face her and lifted the strap of his camera, freeing it from his neck. She heeded this as him signaling he had either captured what he needed or he was done with listening to her shoddy excuses. Or both.

"You started it! And I missed the memo where you guys were _friends_ now."

It was a childish answer and Nancy was only half joking but what else was she supposed to say? Sometimes it was just easier to avoid the difficult things and decisions in life rather than face them head on. She found that spending time with Jonathan was just _easier._ It was like she were playing a role whenever she and Steve were together and she sometimes she found herself confused between the role and reality. Where did the part she was playing end and the real Nancy Wheeler begin?

"Do you always cross your arms like that when you're defensive?" He brushed passed her and mischievously snapped a photo of her.

"No! Wait...hey! _Gimme_ -"

She acted quickly, trying to grab the camera from him as if snatching it would change the fact that he captured her being a total brat. She shoved him playfully in the shoulder once and this gave her the leverage she needed for him to instinctively lower his arm and allow her to pry the camera from his grasp. She busted out in childish giggles and turned on her heels to run around to the other side of his car. 

"Okay! I'm sorry! Listen, please do not drop that!"

Jonathan was laughing but she could tell he was serious. His hands were splayed out over the hood of his car like he was ready to bolt at her. 

"So what? _I_ paid for it." Well, half of it.

She held the camera out with one hand extended in front of her with a sly grin, teetering it back and forth.

" _Give it._ " He was still joking but his tone was darker, he was not messing around.

"Well what do I get out of it?" She shrugged her shoulders and tilted her head downward, peering at him through her bangs. Was she _flirting_ with him? 

"Uh gee, maybe I won't leave you out here in the middle of nowhere." He ran one hand through his hair in frustration before settling it on his hips. 

"Fine, but that picture better never see the light of day." She felt a rush of adrenaline from the playful banter between them, though she was still mindful of how much he cared about his camera. Nancy gave in and gently tossed it onto the drivers seat by the strap. 

Jonathan swooped in as soon as it touched the fabric of the seat and picked it up, examining it. She rolled her eyes at his indication that her hands had somehow tainted it.

"You're too much, I swear you care about that camera more-"

She was interrupted by her own yelp of pain that erupted through her foot. Nancy jerked it up in response to the sharp pain on the side of it and hobbled on one leg. Jonathan dropped his camera onto the seat without even looking where it landed and moved closer to her.

"Are you okay?" Jonathan placed a hand on her upper arm and scanned her foot which was slowly being devoured in crimson.

"Yeah, I think. I don't know what..."

She reached down and removed her sandal, trying to determine the cause of the injury. She noticed the sun's rays bounce off of something reflective and realized it was a decent sized piece of a beer bottle lodged in the side of her foot. 

"Shit." Jonathan hissed when he saw what she was looking also examining.

He let go of her arm gently and moved quickly to his glove compartment. He grabbed a clean handkerchief out of it and returned to her side. Maybe she could just try and pull it...

"Ah!" Nancy shrieked out in pain and fell forward as she lost her balance again.

She instinctively grabbed onto Jonathan's shirt to prevent herself from falling. His hands gripped her elbows and pulled her the rest of the way upright. He was dizzyingly close now. She hadn't noticed the brilliant brown of his eyes until that moment and had it not been for the throbbing pain she was certain she would never have looked away. She could feel his breath on her neck with his proximity and she couldn't tell if she were breathing too heavily or not enough. 

He smelled of clean linen and spices and her eyes fluttered closed briefly at the intoxicating sensation. She opened them to note that the muscle of the side of his jaw was clenching and unclenching. She tracked this movement slowly to the fullness of his lips and back up to his amber eyes. His hand released the grip on her elbows and traveled up to her shoulders, steadying her. This small movement made her very aware of her own hands which were still gripping the front of his t-shirt. Her abdomen tightened in response to the way he was intensely looking at her and she wondered for a fleeting moment if he might kiss her. Seconds felt like minutes as her lips parted slightly and she tilted her head upward, anticipating _something_  as the tension peaked. 

Her dazed attention was interrupted by the increasing roar of engines rapidly approaching their direction. Jonathan was the first to break the burning eye contact but only to peek over the top of her head towards the direction that the sounds were coming from and then back to her. She finally released her hands from his shirt and peered back down to her bloody foot in attempt to lower her blood pressure. Jonathan cleared his throat before slowly backing away, making sure she could balance herself first.

The sounds of the cars much louder now, finally came into view. At least ten blacked out four-door vehicles and vans sped by ominously. Nancy followed each and every one of them with her eyes while a different type of anxiety replaced the one that was currently sweltering in her gut. She looked back to Jonathan wondering if he was interpreting what she was seeing in the same way.

"You don't think?" Nancy's voice came out barely audible, but it must have been loud enough for Jonathan to hear.

"It can't be." He didn't sound convinced by his own response. 

They continued to stare in the direction in which the cars went, watching the dust from the road filter through the lowering sun.

"Maybe we should-"

"-Get you to the hospital, you're going to need stitches."

Jonathan knew exactly what she was going to say judging by the look he was shooting her. She closed her mouth and didn't protest. The mention of her injury reminded her of the pain and she cringed. 

"I'm fine Jonathan, just bring me home and I'll clean it out there." Nancy clenched her teeth together, hoping he couldn't hear the pain she was suppressing. 

Jonathan pressed his lips into a line and narrowed his eyes, tilting his chin downward at her. 

Smiling sheepishly, Nancy surrendered. He was right, she was going to need stitches. "Okay, yeah. Let's go." 

Nancy felt threatened by what they had just seen. In the months that followed the events, the residents of the town who encountered the repercussions of Dr. Brenner and the energy company were informed that they would never have to endure such a thing again. As for the rest of the town, they heard only rumors of unsolved disappearances and _reappearances,_  but she knew they could sense something was off. According to Chief Hopper, the lab was allegedly shut down immediately and the experiments were completely eradicated. But why else would a parade of pristinely sinister looking vehicles be barreling into a small town like Hawkins? And why did she have a lingering feeling that things were _far_ from over? Nancy removed the piece of glass with a screech of pain and tied the handkerchief around her foot tightly, thwarting the blood flow. Despite the searing pain and growing fear in her abdomen, all she could really focus on was her budding affection for Jonathan Byers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know not much has happened yet in the grand scheme of the story. I really wanted to set up Nancy's mindset first. I think it's really important to understand her reasoning behind thinking and feeling certain ways. I've sort of self-inserted myself into Nancy in a sense of that's how I would react to my surroundings in her shoes. Things are going to start picking up from here. We'll start to see more of the characters and what's been going on in Hawkins since she left. Let me know what you guys think!


	4. Chapter 4

**FOUR**

 

   
_Buried in the other things_  
_Burning away, from inside_  
_Could you be with me tonight?_

 

**April 25, 1984**

 

"No one can...about this...okay? I'm _serious_ you guys...Dustin _sto_ -" 

"-You know that...find out...because we can't-" 

"-Enough! Let's just...we can stop...we won't need to-"

"-Someone is going to-" 

"We're _doing_ this!"

Nancy tucked her hair behind her ear and pressed it against the basement door, trying to piece together the muffled voices and the raucous static of a radio behind the intense exchange between her Brother and his friends on the other side. She was initially going to ignore it because her foot was throbbing and she was exhausted but her curiosity got the best of her. She thought it was extremely unusual that they were up so late on a school night and having a heated discussion on top of it. The ordinary bustle of the boys playing their stupid game had been fine tuned into background noise after years of having to endure it, but the argument she was eavesdropping on seemed legitimate. What were they fighting about? She could feel consistent thudding beneath her feet which indicated someone was barreling up the stairs. She backed away as quickly as she could with her taped up foot and limped towards the kitchen so not to give away her blatant snooping.

The door flung open revealing Mike. His face was flushed like he had just robbed a bank. He started to round the corner with a purpose when he noticed she was standing in the kitchen and slid on his heels.

"What're you doing up?"

"I could ask _you_ the same question."

She snatched a glass from the top shelf and filled it with water. She compressed her tone so it seemed as if she were annoyed with his inquisition and wasn't dying to know what they were discussing downstairs. Normally she wouldn't think twice about it but she was still spooked by the creepy cars they saw earlier in the evening. She was probably just being paranoid. 

"Mom knows they're here." Mike huffed out an explanation defensively. 

"I wasn't going to ask." Nancy narrowed her eyes on him while she sipped on the water, her interest peaking. Neither of the Wheeler siblings were naive by a long shot and he wasn't telling her something for a reason. 

"Okay well...goodnight then." Mike dipped his head and started back towards the stairs again. 

"Not so fast." Nancy leaned against the counter for balance and propped her hand on her hip like she always did when she demanded an explanation. "What _exactly_ are you guys up to?"

Mike paused with his back to her and his hand on the railing. He turned slowly to face her, looking guilty as suspected. She didn't think he was going to speak so she was surprised when he cleared his throat.

"You won't believe me." Mike leveled his eyes on hers. 

After everything that happened, she was surprised he would say that. "Try me." 

"Well...I think...I think we _finally_ found a way to reach Eleven. I told Mom they were sleeping over for a last minute project, which it sort of is, but yeah, just _please_ don't tell her we were up late again."

The mention of the extraordinary girl's name sent a shiver down her spine and triggered remorse in her gut. Nancy calculated Mike's display of commitment and pitied him. She did not blame him for believing he could somehow reconnect with their mysterious friend but Nancy knew it was unlikely they would ever meet again. She watched as Mike's eyes shifted from hers and down to the floor slowly which indicated his excuse was probably bogus. He was far too much like Nancy to be fessing up entirely. His suspicious demeanor betrayed him, let alone the raised voices she had just overheard. 

"If you tell me what's _really_ going on I won't mention this to Mom in the morning."

Nancy tried to level the playing field hoping he would take the bait. It was a weak threat in the broad spectrum of things but she knew how seriously Mike took the groundings their Mother frequently handed out like Halloween candy.

He stiffened and drew a deep breath in. Nancy cocked an eyebrow and her lip twitched smugly into her glass. She was rarely wrong when it came to people's intentions, especially those closest to her.

"I'm telling you as much of the truth as I can okay? It _is_ about Eleven, but I really can't tell you, at least not right now."

The low whisper on his lips would've been dangerous had it not come from her dorky twelve year old Brother. He was still giving her the creeps regardless. Nancy gulped her water down and noted they never took their eyes off one another. She was trying to think of what to say to him next. He clearly wasn't going to spill the beans and she was too tired to blackmail him. She shifted her weight instinctively before the singe of pain in her foot cautioned her she wasn't able to put weight on it just yet.

" _Shit_." She sucked in her breath through her teeth. 

"Are you okay?" Mike dropped his eyes to her bandaged foot. 

Nancy was surprised that he didn't use the break in the confrontation as an opportunity to bolt. She glanced down to inspect the bandage. "Yeah I'm fine, cut my foot earlier on some glass at the quarry." 

"The quarry? Like the _quarry quarry_?" She had his complete attention now, albeit she was unsure why.

"Yeah...like the only quarry around here that I'm aware of. _Why_?"

Nancy hadn't stopped thinking about the black parade of vehicles since the first sight of them and now she was beginning to think she wasn't the only one who had the same bad feeling. 

"Did you see anything out there? Like anything weird?" Mike moved towards her then, raising his voice slightly. His eyes were glistening with impatience. 

"I mean no...nothing weird...but...there were some cars that looked maybe government owned? I don't know, it was probably nothing...never mind."

Nancy tucked a loose hair behind her in regret. She realized as the words were coming out of her mouth that she shouldn't have said them. She was only feeding into whatever Mike was engrossed in and whether or not there was any real significance behind the blacked out vehicles, she knew getting Mike worked up about it was wrong.

"What did they look like? How many were there? Were they coming or going?"

Mike forcefully opened the house junk drawer and fumbled for a piece of paper and a pen. He clearly didn't care about keeping quiet in the dead of night as various items skittered across the counter. He looked to her like an eager reporter, waiting for her to answer.  

"It was nothing Mike, it was just a bunch of black vans and cars. It could've been for a funeral service for all I know. Please don't make this more than it is, we've talked about this. You can't keep spinning every little detail of our lives into something it _isn't._ It's time to move on."

Nancy pursed her lips shut realizing how hypocritical her pressing advice was. She didn't mean for her words to come out as harsh as they did but she also didn't want Mike to take the information and run with it like he had a tendency to do. Mike furrowed his brows and pressed his lips into a thin line and slammed the pen and pad onto the kitchen counter and disappeared into the darkness of their home. She could vaguely hear the garage door click on the other side of the house and knew it was pointless to go after him. She should've known better and kept her mouth shut. She was letting her own imagination run wild and projecting it onto her volatile younger Brother and it wasn't fair to him. 

Leaning onto the kitchen counter, Nancy dropped her head into her hands and let out a long overdue sigh. The pit of doubt in her stomach was curdling again and she just wanted it to be gone already. She wanted to stop looking over her shoulder continuously expecting something to jump out at her and drag her away into the shadows. She wanted her life back before everything. Things were safer and so much easier _before_.

Before there were no monsters, no evil scientists, no unnecessary drama, and most importantly there was Barb. Nancy glanced at the time and noted she had to be awake for school in just over few hours. Another sleepless night. As she made her way up towards her bedroom she could still hear the muffled voices of Mike's friends beneath her feet and languidly recognized that despite everything that had happened, Jonathan didn't exist in her world  _before._ She blinked away the emotion that followed.

* * *

 

 

**June 7, 1988**

 

Clutching the bathroom sink, Nancy glares at her own looming reflection until her cerulean eyes begin to water. She blinks slowly once and then bored her eyes even harder until they were too blurry to identify the face in the mirror. She did this from time to time when she felt like self-loathing. She spent the last four days barricaded in her room by choice. She didn't want to face her family after her outburst and frankly, a part of her still felt as though she were right. On the one hand, she was aware that in her absence the world kept spinning around her and that it was her fault for missing so much. On the other, she still felt that her Mother should have kept her in the loop when it came to some things and neglected to do so on purpose. Hawkins was a town full of _big_ secrets and Nancy Wheeler was now an outsider looking in.

She waited until she heard the front door click shut for a third time, indicating everyone had finally left the house for the day. She meanders down into the kitchen and spots the wrapped up plate of breakfast on the counter. Her Mother had been leaving leftovers out for her after every meal since their altercation and Nancy interpreted them as a peace offering. She knew her Mother wasn't going to let her starve but she also knew that Nancy wasn't incapable of cooking on her own either. She grabs the plate off of the counter and scrapes it into the garbage again. She plucks a banana from the fruit bowl and decided today was the day. Today she will stop being a coward. Today she was going to get into the car and face the obstacle head on like the old Nancy Wheeler. If she was going to spend the next two months in this godforsaken town she needed to make things right and prolonging the inevitable was no longer an option.

Nancy snatches the keys to her summer wheels off of the kitchen table and steps outside with conviction. She starts the car and the slow turn and sputter of the ignition reassure her that at least she had an excuse. She grips the steering wheel until the whites of her knuckles shine as memories flash through her mind. She presses her eyes shut tightly and shook them away. She put the car in reverse and swallowed the lump in her throat. "You can do this." 

* * *

 

 

**May 1, 1984**

 

"Okay but what if it means _something_?" Nancy shivered against the cold metal of the lockers.

Jonathan shut his locker with frustration and held his glare on the door before finally looking at her. His expression marked that he was exasperated from telling her the same thing over and over again. He and the chief kept assuring her that they had nothing to worry about, that _she_ had nothing to worry about. The monster was gone for good and the scientists that created the portal went with it. But of course he didn't want to believe something could still possibly be happening. Nancy had seen first hand just how _off_  things were in his house in the aftermath. She was sure his family couldn't endure much more than they already had. Will wasn't exactly recovering as well as everyone had initially anticipated either. His perspective on the situation was biased yet she kept harassing him.

"Nancy."

"I know, _I know_ I'm sorry. I can't stop thinking about it. My Brother has been acting even more weird than he normally does. I think him and his friends are building this...this...never mind. You're not even _a little_ freaked out?"

Nancy was whispering though she was unsure why. She rested her chin on the books she was holding tightly in her arms. She bit her lip waiting for his response knowing she sounded ridiculous. It seemed as though everyone was willing to sweep things under the rug except for her and Mike. 

"I don't blame you for wondering Nanc, it's just that I have to focus on what's in front of me and it's my Mom making herself sick over Will's medical bills and what we're going to do with him." 

Nancy shuddered at the thought of them having to send Will away. She also hadn't noticed how exhausted Jonathan looked until just then. The normal golden brown of his eyes was replaced with a hollow dark glaze and the bags under them were more pronounced than ever. She felt ashamed immediately for pushing the subject.

"I'm sorry, really I am. I'm such an idiot...is-" 

" _Stop_ apologizing." She assumed he meant that to be taken as an order but his meager smile betrayed him and made her stomach turn with the feeling she was still refusing to acknowledge fully.

Shifting her eyes down to her books, she slowly raised them and counted the buttons on his flannel on their way back up. Jonathan Byers had been more or less difficult to read from the start but she was rendered completely clueless as to what the look in his eyes meant in that moment. He was looking at her far more softly than he should be allowed. She could feel only her heart beating against the books she had pressed against her chest as the bustle of the hallway faded away into a distant void.

Jonathan raised his arm and grazed the back of his hand gently against her cheek unexpectedly and she fluttered her eyelids shut, leaning in to his touch. It was such an innocent gesture that was meant to be comforting but it was startlingly intimate. Nancy's eyes flung open at the distinct sound of a voice as it tore through the moment. She pulled her head back and straightened her posture while Jonathan backed off with rejection. 

"-yeah that's what you guys think! See you on the field later assholes! What's going on guys?" Steve rounded the corner and broke off from the group of teammates he was huddled with. He placed a chaste kiss on Nancy's forehead and rested his bent elbow in the crook of Jonathan's shoulder. 

Her heart was hammering wildly in her chest as she scolded herself inwardly. She was getting careless. Half a second sooner and Steve would've seen their exchange and it wasn't something she was ready to explain to him. Besides, there wasn't anything to explain because her and Jonathan were just friends. Yes, friends. "Hey."

"Hey...I gotta get going, can't be late to homeroom again or I won't graduate. See ya guys."

Jonathan was very obviously uncomfortable as he awkwardly fumbled his response out and broke free from Steve's friendly circle, disappearing around the corner. Her stomach was twisting with a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. She wanted to chase after him but her feet were cemented to the spot. 

"You coming to my game tonight? You already missed the first half of the season." Steve smiled as he ran a hand through his bouncy hair and snapped his gum slyly at her. 

"Oh your game...right...I can't again tonight I'm sorry...I'm buried in admissions crap." Nancy swallowed audibly and tried to look Steve in his eyes without unveiling her nerves. 

"Right, Miss I-Got-Accepted-Everywhere-I-Applied-But-Won't-Pick-A-School." Steve laughed and tucked her loose locks behind her ear. "You're incredible Nancy Wheeler. I'm late too, call me later?"

"Yeah, sure." Nancy weakly smiled and counted down the seconds to freedom. 

"I mean like actually call me, on the telephone. I miss hearing your voice at night." He placed another kiss on her forehead and turned. "Oh and it's away games for the rest of the season if you change your mind, power people stopped by and said something about the lights on the field being an electrical hazard or some shit." Steve gestured towards the ceiling and shrugged. He tossed a wave over his shoulder and rounded the corner. 

Letting out a long exhale, Nancy slammed her back against the lockers for support. Her thoughts were racing. The _power people_  said the lights were hazardous? They supposedly didn't have a power company until they could be replaced with a legitimate operation, allegedly. She also needed to tell Steve as soon as possible how she really felt. She couldn't continue to drag out the ongoing charade, she was raised better than that. And Jonathan, what was she going to say to him? She was unsure of what his intentions were with her but regardless she did the worst thing she could've possibly done by rejecting him like that. He had to have known that would've been her reaction in that situation though right?

Nancy Wheeler was a lot of things but she hated to hurt people. She refused. She knew she needed to tell Steve it was over but where would that leave her? She _did_ care for Steve but she just didn't see a future between them. The only connection she felt between Steve and herself was the simple fact that she didn't have to keep what happened a secret in front of him because he was also there for some of it. She had no idea how Jonathan felt and she was certain she had just pushed him away. She nudged herself off the locker and started towards her homeroom, ignoring the vertigo she felt weighing her down. She would call Steve that evening and tell him it was over. Yes, that's exactly what she was going to do. 

* * *

 

 

**June 7, 1988**

 

Nancy isn't sure exactly how long she sat parked outside the long driveway on the dirt back road but the shift in the sun's rays and increase in temperature indicate it was a while. At one point during the heated debate with herself she started to drive away but a rogue squirrel bolted in front of her car, causing her to slam on the brakes and reconsider. She truly felt like a crazy person.

"Pull yourself together."

Ripping the keys from the ignition, she forcefully and flung the car door open. She is unquestionably anxious and her nerves wrack her to her bones. She can feel the keys jingle in her trembling hands as she dropped them inside of her purse. She probably looks like a serial killer, the way she is lurking at the end of the driveway. Nancy can't help but to laugh nervously at herself. She has officially lost her mind. She sweeps her bangs up and over her forehead, holding them in place while she examines the overgrown marestails careening in the light Summer breeze. The overwhelming déjà vu causes her chest to tighten painfully. It feels as if it were yesterday that she had been standing in this exact spot and for the same reason, but it concurrently feels like a lifetime has passed. It might as well have been.

Moving slowly, she listens closely to the gravel and leaves crunching under her feet. If anyone is watching her from the trees Nancy surmises that she probably appeared mentally ill with her muted jittery laughter and apprehensive baby steps up the long and winding driveway. This however was a milestone for Nancy regardless so they could shove it. She spent four years suppressing memories and emotions until she was berated with indifference. She needed radiant and optimistic Nancy back. She can no longer be the person that verbally backhanded those around her for things that were irrelevant and childish due to her own insecurities. She is taking back her life and honing in on the source of where it all fell apart was the first step. 

Nancy had juggled the possibility that Jonathan wouldn't be here when she finally mustered the galls to drop in or that he may no longer even live in his childhood home. Perhaps he had his own place, or maybe they all uprooted and moved to a new house in town because of the daunting memories in their old one, regardless of the remodeling. These are questions that could have been answered had she simply been willing to admit defeat with her Mom or Mike. One step at a time she figures. Albeit, something in the back of her mind was ushering to her that this is where she is meant to be. She won't not be the coward she has been and she damn well isn't going to run again. 

She pauses suddenly when the distinct sound of a car's engine resounds in the distance. Due to the vast wooded area she can't tell if it is coming from in front of her or behind her. She prays for the latter because there is only one house at the end of the long driveway and she will have to floor it in reverse immediately to avert being spotted. Panic starts to swell in her chest and her ability to think quickly on her feet goes out the window. She starts to make a run for it into the woods and realized how ridiculous that is because her parked car is blocking the end of the driveway. Her initial plan to be brave and innocently ask Jonathan to check out her car for her is vehemently replaced with the choice between fight or flight. _Flight_ she thinks. Flight, flight, _flight_. She spins around once more and sprints back towards her car, desperately trying to find her keys in her messy purse. 

"Seriously!"

She knows for certain that a car is about to round the corner and that she will then be in plain sight, cowering in the driveway outside of her car. She finally feels the cool metal of the keys on the tips of her fingers and snatches them from her purse. _Yes._ She rips at the door handle and hurls it open. Her efforts are meaningless though because the indisputable sound of gravel being crushed slowly under tires is directly behind her now. She stiffens like a game of freeze tag with her hand on the top of the driver's side door and sucks in a shallow breath when the vehicle comes to a stop. Oh my _god._  

Drilling her eyes into the seat, Nancy holds her breath until she is lightheaded. She releases it in a rush and understands that she should probably turn around. She has already been caught red handed so what is the point in hiding? She can totally be overreacting and making a scene for no good reason at all. The mystery driver can logically be anyone. It doesn't matter though because she can _feel_  otherwise. She can physically feel his presence like a sucker punch to the stomach. Nancy's keys plunge to the ground as she releases her grip on them and uses her freed hand to pinch it tightly over her mouth. She lets go of the door and slowly turns, pressing her back against the side of the car. She raises her eyes at a glacial pace from the ground, up the side of a shiny black car door, and finally to the figure sitting inside. The outline is blurry because Nancy hasn't allowed herself to focus her eyes appropriately yet but she knows it is him.

She moves the hand that is pressed to her mouth down to her chest and splays her fingers out, hoping to alleviate the thrumming of her heart against her rib cage. There is only one person in Nancy's universe that is capable of making her feel this spectrum of intense emotions in such a short amount of time. She fixes her eyes on his shoulder and uses her peripheral vision to note that he is alone and he is staring. _Of course he is staring._ In one quick sweep, she shifts her blue eyes to his amber ones and a strange noise resounds in the back of throat in response.

"Hi." Nancy squeaks out the greeting that sounds more like a question so faintly that he probably has no idea she has spoken at all.

His forearm rests against the steering wheel and his head is ducked slightly so that his eyes can meet her own mortified ones. She has never been so certain she was going to faint in her life. She blinks the white dots forming in her line of sight away and leans harder against the car for support. Full panic sets in when she realizes he still hasn't spoken or indicated he is accepting of her unannounced visit and stalker-like behavior. This is typically around the time that Nancy would normally bolt in fear of rejection. He slowly slides his hand from the steering wheel and down to the keys dangling from the ignition, turning the car off. He never takes his eyes off of her. 

It is impossible to know exactly what he was thinking but Nancy assumes he is undoubtedly baffled. She can only imagine how cornered he feels and how unfair it is for her to do what she is currently doing. What if he never says anything at all and drives away, leaving her to wonder why she is such an outright idiot? What if he rightfully tells her to fuck off and to leave him alone? Should she say something else? Should she get into her car and floor it and leave town and never look back? Should she-

"What're you doing here?" Jonathan finally speaks and the sound of his voice knocks the wind out of her.

It has been _so_ long since she has heard his voice that it makes her weak in the knees. His tone is low and cautious, but it doesn't sound hateful or indignant which she heeds as a good sign. She notices his chest rising and falling rapidly despite his blank stare which implies he is likely as nervous as she. Ambushing people never seemed to work out for her yet she continuously tried with expectations of a different outcome. _What're you doing here?_

What is she doing here? What did she really expect? What, she was just going to knock on his door and maybe have a drink together and laugh about old times? In no reality was that going to be the case between the two of them and she _knows_  that. It isn't fair to Jonathan for her to show up like this and she damn well knows that too. She can chalk it up to it being the right thing to do all she wants but deep down she has her own selfish motivations.

"I...I was just...I'm home for the Summer and I just wanted to see how you were doing...your family was doing."

She cringes at her inability to get the words out without tripping over them. She moves her clammy palm up from her chest and rests it under her chin. She just wants to bury her entire face in her hands like a child would when they were embarrassed or uncomfortable. The cicadas are chattering wildly but other than that, the silence between the two of them is thick like molasses. Nancy prays for a meteor to strike her.

Jonathan furrows his brows slightly and Nancy can't read it. What she does know is that he looks so much different. He isn't the young boy she remembered. His hair is a bit shorter but still the same rumpled mess it used to be. His shoulders are broader from what she can see from where she is standing and his chiseled jawline is decorated with a modest scruff. He is a man now. The surge of emotions feels like a stun gun and though Nancy has given it her best effort, it isn't enough. She can't stand there so vulnerabl any longer. It is the second time she has had the same lapse in judgement and she cannot fathom how unbelievably stupid it was for her to try this again. 

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have...this is so inappropriate...I'll go."

Waving her hands in front of her signaling defeat, Nancy looks away before she can see his reaction. She bends to pick up her keys and feels a single tear drip down the bridge of her nose with the shift in gravity. She nudges her arm over her face to wipe it away hoping he won't notice. She climbs into the car and with the door still open she stars the ignition. The engine struggles to start though, emitting sputters and coughs. No, no, _no_. 

She pleads desperately with the car as if it was any use. She slams her hands against the steering wheel finally accepting it wasn't going to start. She is breathing heavily through her mouth and is so disgruntled she didn't realize Jonathan had gotten out of his car and was now standing on the other side of her open door. She watches as he stands there observing her quietly with his hands in his pockets. If she isn't mistaken, he looked rather smug. The Jonathan she remembered  _would_ find her tantrum amusing. 

Nancy shrugs her shoulders in defeat and meets his stare with a weak smile. She is absolutely positive that she is being punished by a higher power.

"Pop the hood."

He moves directly in front of the car and waits for her to do as he asked. She continues to watch him in shock through the windshield. She can't believe he hadn't just left her there like the relentless stalker that she is. " _Nancy?_ "

She leans down under the steering wheel to pull the knob, hearing the pop of the hood. He holds his gaze on her for a few long seconds before his face finally disappeared and is replaced with the silver paint of the hood. She uses these few sweet seconds to collect herself. She rubs her temples vigorously wondering how she managed to screw up so royally. She hadn't even anticipated seeing him when she left her house that morning. She assumed he wouldn't be home and she could rest easy with a clean conscience that she tried to make things right. Her plan quite obviously backfired because here she is, blocking the end of his driveway with her broken car. The scenario couldn't possibly be more of a train wreck. She rests her forehead against the steering wheel and curses herself for being so naive.  

She jumps when the hood slams back down. Jonathan is toweling his hands off on a handkerchief and staring at her again. She calculates that she must look nothing short of pitiful.

"It's a bad carburetor." Jonathan leans into the window frame of the door that is still slightly ajar. His proximity is alarming and she shrinks into herself trying to escape it. She doesn't know what to say to him so she just blinks hesitantly in response. 

"So that means it's not going to start without a new one."

Assuming he thought she has no idea what he meant about the car malfunction, _which she didn't_ , but that wasn't the real reason behind her silence. Nancy evaluates her current situation: she is sitting in a broken down car in Jonathan Byers' driveway, whom she hasn't seen or spoken to in four years because she is a complete asshole. This is just perfect. The best part is she didn't even know who to call for a ride because she doesn't have any real allies in Hawkins anymore. She is about to ask Jonathan if she could call her Father to come get her when he speaks again. 

"I was just about to run into town but I have a few laying around here. I can do it for you or tow it to a shop in town, up to you." He scratches the side of his head timidly and she recognizes the old Jonathan under the scruff and maturity for a split second.

"I...well...yeah...sure." Nancy's face is numb and she is certain all of the blood rushing to her brain was creating a nice shade of mortification in her cheeks. 

Jonathan raises an eyebrow and appears to be waiting for her to say something else. "Oh...yeah...I mean if you think you can fix it sure. But I don't want to bother you...if you're busy or..."

Nancy can't look him in the eyes with him standing so close and has to drop her gaze into her lap. She moves a shaky hand to tuck her curls behind her ears, something she always did subconsciously when she was nervous. When is he going to ask her why the hell she was just standing outside of her parked car in his _driveway_? Why hasn't this been addressed yet?

"Hop in, I'll bring you back to the house. I have to get the tow truck." Jonathan pushes himself off of the door and opens it fully for her.

She feebly lifts her eyes to meet his and holds them there. She has given up on her vocabulary saving her so she hopes that she can communicate through her expression alone. How can she demonstrate to him she was _so_ very sorry without saying it? She needs him to know right then and there that she was and still is ashamed of herself and not a day went by where she wasn't reminded of the sweet boy from her hometown that changed her life. He didn't have to extend his generosity like he was currently doing. Any reasonable person would square their shoulders and walk right on by someone who let them down so heavily. Why bother putting yourself out there again with the possibility of getting burned twice? Nancy thinks perhaps she was revealing too much in the way she was looking at him because Jonathan clears his throat, obviously uncomfortable. 

"We're going to lose daylight."

Breaking away from the thick tension, Jonathan gets back into his car and starts the engine. Nancy gives it one final consideration before slowly getting out of the car, clicking the door shut behind her. Jonathan keeps his face forward, waiting for her to get in.

She determines that she has been looking at the situation the wrong way the entire time. She doesn't have anything to lose from where they left off and the worst that could happen would be that things would just go back to the way they were all along. She would go back to her isolation at home and count down the days until she left again for good. Her stomach is lit with fear and adrenaline and for the first time in four years she feels like she is actually _alive_ again. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was initially longer but I didn't want to convolute it. The next chapter I am going to start addressing the things that have been happening in Hawkins during the last four years and start to introduce the real issues that lay ahead for our beloved characters. Don't worry, the main focus will always be Jonathan and Nancy but I need to stir the pot to raise the stakes. What do you guys think so far? Do you like the backdrop I've created and the pacing? I'd love your feedback! Thanks for reading.


	5. Chapter 5

**FIVE**

 

 _We won't break, we won't die_  
_It's just a moment of change_

 

 

 

**May 3,1984**

 

"Can we _please_ stop talking about this?"

Nancy rolled her eyes as far as she could into the back of her head and threw her hands up in aggravation. She was irritated for a number of reasons. Her monthly was rapidly approaching and Jonathan felt the constant need to bring up the fact that she still hadn't told Steve how she felt yet. Jonathan wasn't wrong for ushering Nancy to do the right thing but he was provoking her to lose her mind. 

"Okay, okay. I won't mention it again."

Jonathan laughed as he stirred whatever delicious concoction he was preparing that evening. It was endearing that he cared so much for her dignity, but Nancy had to make that step on her own. If she were being completely honest, she was more annoyed with the fact that Jonathan had a better grasp on morals when it came to her relationship than she did. It pissed her off that she was losing control of herself. 

"Don't be sorry it's just, I don't know, it's-"

"-Easier to leave it alone than to face it?"

Watching her closely, Jonathan tasted a spoonful and leaned against the kitchen sink. The luminous glow of the setting early Summer sun through the kitchen window bounced off of his messy hair and lit up his eyes. Her stomach clenched and she subconsciously plotted a subject change. She loathed this topic and it was more so due to the fact she was intimated by what she felt for him rather than the dread that came with breaking it off with Steve. She knew she was making the situation much more difficult than it had to be but she couldn't stop herself. 

"I'm going to go grab the mail while you play housewife." Nancy raised her chin at him indignantly letting him know she wasn't answering questions like that. He knew better by then anyways. She turned and whipped her ponytail to the side as she exited the room before he could respond. 

"-If anyone's playing housewife lately it's you-"

His voice trailed behind her as she broke free onto the porch and started down the driveway. Her mouth opened in surprise at his smug remark. She wasn't sure yet if that was his underlying personality and no one got to see it because he kept to himself, or if he saved it just for her. She was relieved when Jonathan didn't pull away from her after their moment in the hallway. They never discussed it and she was thankful of him for that. If anything, he had been quite the pompous ass the last two days instead of backing off like she expected. 

She bit her lip until it was swollen attempting to counter her smile. She had read about it in books and seen it in the movies. That _feeling_   when someone was bindingly attracted to another. She thought for sure it was something that couldn't possibly exist outside the realm of fiction or Hollywood. At first she had believed she felt something special with Steve but she was certain now that she had it _all_ wrong. What Nancy felt when she was around Jonathan was overpowering and it scared her to death. He made her feel sick to her stomach in the most refreshing and demented way. She was finding that it brought out both the best and worst in her and it was far more than she ever thought she would allow herself to feel for another person. 

Nancy reached the mailbox and waived to a woman who was walking her dog. It was the first time she had ever seen anyone walking near Jonathan's house because it was so desolate on the outskirts of town. She grabbed the massive stack from the mailbox and it dawned on her that she really was by definition, playing house. She neatened the stack and started back towards the house when a distinct seal on the top of the pile caught her attention. 

It was undoubtedly a letter from NYU. She was more than likely holding Jonathan's acceptance letter to the school he spent years aspiring to get into. She knew this because there was no way he hadn't gotten in. She helped him pick the photos to send in and she practically wrote his essay. She ran her thumb over the seal, wishing she had the ability to see through the paper. Without even thinking she removed the letter from the pile and jammed it down the back of her shorts and pulled her t-shirt over it. She started back up the driveway stoically and grazed her hand over the crinkled envelope.

* * *

 

 

**June 7, 1988**

 

Nancy sat in mute disbelief in the passenger seat of Jonathan's parked car. She is categorically certain that her heart is going to expel itself from her body via regurgitation. The initial adrenaline of actually seeing Jonathan for the first time has worn off and dread has officially set in. Had she not already known how stupid it felt to flee from him she would've already taken off running. She isn't quitting that easily this time around though. She struggles to come up with something to say to him when he returns from the end of his driveway with her car. They sat in a dense and awkward silence on the short drive up because Nancy couldn't come up with anything to say and she didn't blame him for being speechless either. It didn't seem appropriate for the casual and polite chatter that was typical of old friends. Their situation is exceptionally different and they both knew this. 

Clearing her throat, Nancy musters all of the courage in her bones to open the car door and step out into the fresh air. She can faintly hear the tow truck coming back up the driveway and she moves her eyes quickly across the landscape, finagling her next move. She thinks of sitting on one of the chairs positioned on the front porch and estimates perhaps that was too intrusive and might suggest she was inappropriately making herself at home. The truck is getting closer and she can feel the sweat beginning to bead on her forehead. She laughs inwardly at herself over her innate ability of turning a natural activity into such a project.

The nose of the truck rounds the corner and just as Nancy is about to get back into the car and pretend she hadn't gotten out in the first place, she realizes it is too late. She desperately wants to seem unaffected by the entire situation. This is more or less her second chance and revealing too much so prematurely would only scare him away. A part of her still didn't believe she is actually standing in Jonathan's driveway and that she must be day dreaming. She spent far too much time over the last four years imagining what their first encounter again would be like, if there was ever going to be one at all. Out of the dozens of scenarios she pictured, none of them came close to this one. She presses herself casually against the side of the shiny black sports car and examines the beds of her nails like she actually gives a shit about what they looked like. The thrumming of the engine ceases and she can hear a door open and close.

"If you knew my Dad at all, I doubt you'd be leaning against his car like that." She didn't expect him to speak and she nearly jumps out of her skin when he did. 

"Oh. God, sorry...I-" Nancy's nerve-induced speech impediment activates as she stumbles forward and off of the car. She tucks her loose hairs behind her ears and can feel the heat in the tips of them. The high afternoon sun beams her in the eyes but she is more or less certain Jonathan is laughing silently. 

"You could beat it with rocks for all I care. I'm just saying he'd probably wind up exactly where he is right now if he saw you lean on his precious car, which actually doesn't sound so bad now that I say it out loud." 

Jonathan appears satisfied with this image as he releases the straps holding her car in place which slowly lower it back onto the ground.  _Does he mean prison?_  She wonders what his Father could've done to end up in jail and it causes her to shiver. 

"That sucks." Nancy's ailing attempt to sound casual is clouded by her apprehension. She was never the master at hiding her true emotions. She shifts a pile of rocks around beneath her sneakers and count them to distract herself from the atmosphere that seems to be thickening around her.  

"It's not like I notice the difference."

His response is muffled by the open hood between the two of them. She can still make out the words though and they sting. She's always known that his relationship with his Father was estranged but discussing it now is very awkward. They are treading very personal waters and she isn't sure how to respond to something like that anymore. Regardless of the thick underlying tension that is hanging in the atmosphere, Nancy can't keep herself from greedily taking in the sight of him. His grease stained t-shirt hitches slightly when he raises his arms above his head to steady the hood of her car and her stomach clenches in response. She would be lying to herself if she said she hadn't found him attractive when they were teenagers and now she willingly agreed with the more primal side of her that time had been very good to him. 

"This is going to take a little while. Beer?" Jonathan is extending a can in her direction and she wonders where he got it from. Then again, she is quite distracted so for all she knew, he left and came back with it. 

"Sure...thanks." Nancy clears her throat and blinks away her improper thoughts as she reaches for the drink. The can is warm from the sun and she knows the liquid inside would be unpleasant but she doesn't want to be anymore rude than she was already undoubtedly being. 

She isn't sure if Jonathan notices her discomfort and just rightly doesn't care or if he did not know her well enough anymore to change the subject when one of them was afflicted. Nancy opens her mouth several times to try and start a conversation only to close it again. There are so many things she wants to ask him, so many things she wants to say, but she comes up blank. Jonathan moves around her in silence for a few long minutes with only the clinking of metal on metal resounding between them. He finally breaks it by asking her to pass a tool on a bench behind her that she is blocking with her body. She hands it to him slowly and is hesitant to make eye contact. She raises her eyes from the cold metal in her palm to his own and it is all the reassurance she needs. He is looking at her with a nostalgic softness. Her chest swells with copious emotions and she has the overwhelming urge to wrap her arms around him and bury her face in the crook of his neck. 

The heavy metal slides from her fingers and into his hand but he is still watching her intently. She is dying to know what he is thinking, not just right now but about _everything_. She estimates that he must have something he wants to say to her regarding her sudden appearance and she's unsure of why he hasn't spoken up yet. However there is something in his eyes that she can't calculate. It's a consolidation of delicate curiosity and a darkness that makes her heart palpitate. 

It is then that she realizes, that none of her expectations matter anymore. It no longer _matters_  that this wasn't part of her _plan_. To hell with all of her plans. What _does_  matter is that he is still here, in Hawkins and so is she. She had run into Steve in the manner that she did for a reason and regardless of how uncomfortable the exchange was, it had lead her _here_. Jonathan moves away cautiously and returns to his work under the hood of the car. Nancy curses herself for revealing too much without uttering a word, again. 

"I'm sorry." The words come out rushed and unplanned. She tightens her grip on the beer can as her nerves wind inside her like a yo-yo. Jonathan stills under the hood and Nancy is sure he is going to ignore her shoddy apology.

"For lurking in my driveway or for avoiding me for years?" He glances at her briefly and then continues loosening the bolts under the hood as if he hadn't just spat venom at her. Nancy's vision starts to blur and she can hardly hear over the thrumming in her ears that echo whenever she is mortified. 

"Both." She isn't sure how she musters the gall to produce speech.  

He exhales audibly and leans forward on his elbows over the motor of her car, not taking his eyes off of her. She is certain she is going to burst into flames with embarrassment. She can't believe he just had been so candid about it. She knew she deserved it but it was the last thing she was expecting and she is very unprepared for all of this.

"I..." Nancy begins to speak over the rising acid in her throat but is interrupted by a car door slamming close by. She shifts her eyes from the direction of the sound and back to Jonathan who is still watching her like a hawk, the softness completely masked by rooted darkness now. She turns her head back towards the sound of footsteps crunching and a voice that was rounding the corner.

"-to blow me off you could at least _call you know._ I thought guys like you didn't do shit like-" 

Her mouth gaping in disbelief, Nancy stands rooted to the spot as the familiar female voice came into view. Her embarrassment is quickly replaced with confusion, anger, followed by bitter and _very real_  jealousy. All of which flush across her expression in less than a second. She quickly rotates her perplexed expression from Jonathan who is now standing at full attention and then back to _her_. 

"-Nancy Wheeler! No shit!" Carol snaps her gum obliviously over the heavy tension and greets her with that same presumptuous and distasteful aura that she quite clearly still radiated. What the _fuck_  is she doing here?

* * *

 

 

**May 4, 1984**

 

Nancy peered nosily out her window and down at another hushed argument between the boys below it in the driveway. Normally she would yell down at them and tell them to shut the hell up, however recent events caused her curiosity to flourish. Nancy knelt down and cracked the window gently so she could hear better. 

"We can't do this again Mike, it's passed us getting into trouble. We've seen how dangerous it can be and I'm not doing this again!"

It was evident that Lucas was genuinely angry and frightened and she was now certain they were getting themselves tangled in another mess. She was beginning to discern that the lingering fear in the pit of her stomach wasn't unreasonable. 

"You're not wrong Luke but we have to at least _try._ " Dustin agreed with Lucas but seemed to be taking her Brother's side. Nancy wanted to throw herself out of the window and demand they tell her what was going on. 

The rest was too soft to hear but Nancy knew regardless now that something bigger than all of them was still at large. Nancy instinctively felt the need to tell someone but who? There was no way she was going to tell her parents and Jonathan didn't want to believe that there was still a threat. Nancy fumbled with her necklace thoughtfully when Mike glanced up at her from the driveway, indicating he knew she was watching them. He stared apathetically at her for a few moments before peddling off after his friends. 

* * *

 

 

**June 7, 1988**

 

Nancy sat at the edge of her bed, clutching her sheets and bored her eyes into her throw rug. She traces the outline of it repeatedly as if it held the answers to the universe. Every time she begins to catch her breath, another meddlesome thought sends a shock wave of adrenaline through her body. She can barely remember the drive home and she is now sure that blacking out from emotional overkill was a real thing. She feels as though she is floating above her own body and seeing things through the eyes of another person. She could puke.

The darkness is hindered by a set of headlights outside of her window which bounce off of the steady stream of tears cascading down her cheeks. She runs her tongue over the salty liquid staining her lips as a bitter token of her situation. Nancy reluctantly releases her death grip and languidly lulls herself over and onto her side. The tears continue to well and trickle over the bridge of her nose with the shift in position. She watches as the clock on her end table tick further into the night while she skipped through certain pieces of the day's events in her head like a broken record player. She is conscious of the fact that she had no real reason to feel sorry for herself and that everything that had lead to this moment in time was of her doing. Nancy is more pissed off at herself than anything else. She has chosen this path for herself and while she had tried to alter others', it had failed and this was the consequence. 

Sitting upright, Nancy raises her fingers to her forehead as the room spun with the abrupt movement. She glares at the end of her bed where she had thrown her purse earlier, spilling its contents on her blanket. She reaches across to the foot of her bed with conviction and snatches the cassette out of the pile. She begins tearing at the film inside, ripping the tape apart. She pulls and yanks at the delicate material until there is nothing left but a tangled mess. She bunches the wad up around the tape and flings it across the room and casually lays back down. She notices the tears had subsided and she actually feels something akin to relief.

After brooding in her bed for hours she knows two things to be true now; whatever her initial intentions were when it came to Jonathan no longer mattered and she was willing to accept that if it meant should could finally _breathe_ again. Closure sucked and it was hard, but it was _closure._ She also makes a promise to herself that she won't continue to be the reckless person she has been. She will take today's events and everything preceding them collectively as a life lesson. She smears her palms across her eyes, dragging the stagnant tears and mascara with them. She places her hand to her chest, playing his parting words to her earlier that day on loop in her head.  _'It doesn't have to be like this you know.'_

"Yes it does."

* * *

 

 

**June 8, 1988**

 

Her eyes fling open with vigilance in response to a light that rippled through her eyelids. The light is bright enough to seem like someone shone a flashlight in her face as she slept. It takes her eyes a few moments to adjust to the darkness of the room and achieve the ability to see through the pounding in the back of her head. She rubs her temples, groaning as the pain grows sharper. _The cry headache_.

Lifting herself slowly on her elbows, Nancy scans her room for the source of the disturbance that woke her. She notesmthat she is still laying on top of the covers and even has her sneakers on. She kicks the back of her heals and sends them over the side of the bed. She is about to lay back down when an incredibly bright flash of light tears through her bedroom. She climbs out of bed slowly and moves towards the window, squinting through the dimly lit room. She moves her drapes to the side and presses her forehead against the cool glass seeking relief from the throbbing ache behind her eyes. 

She loves thunderstorms, even as a kid. There is something she's always found soothing about the consistency of the thunder that followed the brilliant bolts of lightening. Nancy appreciates order. She touches her fingertips to glass and waits for the next flash of light. Just then, a luminous flicker of blue light flashes along the horizon, tearing through her room once more. Nancy steps away from the window slightly, confused by what she is witnessing. She waits for the sound of thunder but she can't hear anything other than the neighbor's dog barking. Instead, another brilliant blue surges through the darkness. She furrows her brows in bewilderment, wondering if it was a sort of heat lightning that was causing the strange color. It is blue like a holiday firework but billowed for miles like lightning. It appears to be coming from a single source but it is hard to tell for certain because of how far it stretched on the horizon. 

Nancy waits for the next round of the phenomena but it never comes. All she can see now is her breath fogging the glass repeatedly with each shallow breath. She smudges the humidity on the window and closes the drapes. She sombers back over to her bed and flops herself on top of the sheets, falling asleep as soon as her cheek makes contact with the pillow. 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to start by saying thank you so very much for your loyalty and patience with this story, I honestly never expected this kind of feedback and you've all been amazing. This chapter is shorter than the ones before it and more importantly the ones that will follow. For those of you who follow me on Tumblr, I mentioned posting chapters 5 and 6 together. However, due to personal setbacks I won't get around to posting both this weekend so I wanted to at least get this one out there. Chapter 6 will be longer than the others because I've taken parts of this one out. I'm slowly realizing this is turning into a novel because we've barely scratched the surface on what's to come. As always your comments and feedback are everything, and thanks for reading.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH FOR YOUR PATIENCE, YOU'RE THE MVPs. I LOVE YOU ALL, ENJOY.

**SIX**

 

_She wanted a storm_

_to match her rage_

 

 

 

**June 11th, 1988**

 

The days following her traumatizing encounter with Jonathan were uneventful to say the least. She rotated her distractions between reading old novels and making trips down to the refrigerator only to stare into it's contents and then close it and flee back to her room. She hadn't eaten much of anything but she barely noticed. She had little to no appetite and still refused to eat at the table with her family for her own immature reasons. There was no real logic behind her avoiding her family other than she was still too mortified. Nancy had never handled embarrassment appropriately in her twenty two years of life and she certainly wasn't going to start now. 

Nancy lets out a long pent up sigh and tosses the book from her lap onto the floor along with the rest of the pile. She had pulled all her old favorites out of her closet and skipped to her favorite parts of each before moving onto another. She thought perhaps if she repeated the activities that once made her happy, that it would ease her anxiety now but it hadn't.

She rises from her bed, feeling her joints crack and pop from the lack of real motility and stands in front of her window. She closes her eyes against the Summer breeze and for a split second she feels like everything is going to be okay. The feeling evaporates as quickly as it came however when she opens her eyes and settled them on the horizon. The image of the opulent lightning from a few evenings ago flashes across her memory and with it came unrest. She had suffered her first night terror since her early days of college that same evening and the fear it had instilled was imminent. She hugs herself and runs her hands up and down her arms, still feeling that _slime._

The unexpected knock on the other side of her door nearly makes Nancy jump out of her skin. She blinks twice and the memories of _that place_ dissipate. She opens her mouth to answer and decides against responding. It's probably her Mother trying for the hundredth time to lure her out of the house but she wasn't going to budge. Or maybe it was Holly again, there to make her feel like even more of a piece of shit for not spending any time with her since she had arrived home. 

"Nancy it's me...can I come in?" The deep voice cracks slightly and it was the last person she expects to try and reach out to her. Well maybe not the _last_. 

"Yeah...sure." She almost doesnt respond but her curiosity gets the best of her. 

Mike emerges slowly into her room and he has a timid expression splayed on his face. Much like the one he would wear after he knew he had done something wrong when they were kids and was looking to her for backup. He steps fully into her room and presses his back against her door with a soft click. He rests his hands in his pockets and scans her room silently. Surely he is judging her haphazard unpacking job and the snack wrappers scattered at the foot of her bed and on her floor.  

"Sheesh, whatever's been goin' on with you looks a lot worse than I thought. Dad owes me ten bucks though, I told him you weren't starving yourself." Mike smirks slightly but it doesn't reach his eyes. 

Nancy hasn't moved from her spot by the window. She crosses her arms and narrows her eyes at his opening line and her curiosity is quickly turning to annoyance. "What do you want Mike? Did Mom send you in here to try and guilt me into-"

"-Mom didn't send me. I wanted to talk to you." He is still leaning against the door but he is bobbing slightly. Mike tended to fidget when he was nervous. Must be hereditary.

"Okay, so let's hear it then." Nancy didn't mean for it come out as harsh as it did but he appears to be unaffected either way.

"I wanted to say that I'm...sorry. I'm sorry for keeping you in the dark all this time. We used to be so close ya know?" Mike shifts his hands around in his pockets and is no longer looking at her, but at the pile of books on her floor.

Nancy softens immediately at his unexpected apology and she feels guilt contrary to relief. He shouldn't be the one apologizing, it should be her. She is the older of the siblings and the mature solution would have been for Nancy to take back her outburst minutes after it had happened.   

"Don't be sorry, it's me Mike...I'm all over the place right now...and at breakfast this week, that wasn't fair I should've-"

"-I'm not talking about breakfast. Forget about that.That doesn't matter." Mike ruffles his hand through his hair and holds his gaze on her firmly, forcing her to accept his words. 

"Then...?" Nancy arches her brows in confusion and slides her hands down into the backside of her short pockets, assuming her defensive position.

Mike's ambivalent disposition is quickly replaced with a body language she can't pinpoint. He pushes himself off of the door and opens it a crack and peaks outside before clicking it silently shut again. 

"Mike-"

"I'm trusting you with some serious shit Nance and you have to promise me as my Sister...and as someone who just _gets_ it, that you'll keep it to yourself." Mike's tone is dark and rigid and it frightens her.  

"Are you in trouble? Mike what is going-" 

"-I'm not in trouble, at least not yet. But we think there's _something_ going on still around here...something that's _more_ than the something that never really left...if that makes sense...and you're the only one we trusted to tell." Mike's words are fumbling and it is difficult for Nancy to decipher the meaning.

The wave of adrenaline that sweeps through her in conjunction with her lack of a real diet, alters her equilibrium and she has to move to her bed so she doesn't crack her skull open on her dresser if she loses her balance. She sits in silent disbelief for a long pause while she processes what Mike is telling her. _Something that never really left?_ Does he mean that the entire time that she had been away at college that her paranoia was _real?_ That her family was still in this shit hole town and in danger while she was miles away? Nancy can't let this happen again.

"Mike...if you think...this is bigger than us...we...you should call the Chief...he...he'll know what to do." Nancy rises from where she seated herself on her bed as her heart picks up speed so rapidly that she has to press her hand against her chest in attempt to steady it.

" _No!_ We're not calling anyone okay? That would put everything we've accomplished at risk and I'll die before that happens." Mike raises his voice forcefully but then quickly lowers it so that no one would hear their ridiculous conversation. 

Nancy cringes and recoils in response to Mike's callous tone. "Accomplished _what_? Mike, this is serious! You obviously don't remember things the way that I do because if you did-"

"-Oh I remember just fine Nancy! One of our best friends almost died and another one disappeared right in front of our eyes for us and-"

"-She wasn't your friend Mike! You have to let her go! It’s been years and she was a stranger, like a stray animal, she-"

"-And now we might lose him again and I am not going to let that happen...what did you just say?"

Sharp silence cut through their argument like a blade and the only sounds emitted are their hushed exhales. Nancy is so overwhelmed with incredulity and panic that she doesn’t  even realize what she had said about Eleven until after the fact.

"What do _you_ know about friends Nancy? 'Cause I haven't seen any." Mike hovers in her doorway for another few seconds, red in the face and afflicted with anger before he exits sharply, slamming the door behind him. 

Nancy charges at her bedroom door and flings it open, screaming after him. She doesn't  care who was home and who will hear them at this point. She knows it was too late though because she can hear the garage door slamming in the distance and she knows he won’t be coming back to finish their shouting match.

She drops her head against the door frame and squeezes her eyes shut to prevent the tears that she knew were coming. Nancy has so many questions but above all, she just wants her little Brother to be safe. In a sick way she actually feels a brief sensation of relief with this new information. At least she knows now after all this time she wasn't clinically insane for constantly looking over her shoulder and always feeling like there was something in the room with her, no matter where she went. That horrible feeling that loomed over her like a malevolent shadow when she was in Hawkins was real and it was for a _reason_ and _that_ was a start. 

She stands a while longer in her doorway until her breathing evens out. She scoops her hair up and back over the top of her head and lets out a deep exhale. Amidst the bustle of her tumultuous thoughts she is still aware that she needs a game plan. Holing herself up in her bedroom isnt helping her and she needs to take action if she wants answers to her questions. She is certain Mike isn't going to come around so easily this time and that she will have to figure things out herself. Mike was right about her not having any friends and while it was a hard reality to swallow, she was going to have to square her shoulders and move on. 

After slamming her door, she scans her room, unsure of her next move. She fixes her eyes on her purse on the ground and despite her messy room, the contrast of white notebook paper jumps out at her. She moves across the room and bends to pick up the paper, unsure of where it came from. She remembers clearing out her purse before she left from school so it definitely isn’t from class. She unfolds the mystery paper and her eyes greedily sweep across it.

 _It was nice bumping into you Nancy Wheeler...having a party this Saturday, stop by. Everyone would love to see you. - Steve_ :)

Saturday. _Today_  is Saturday. Nancy was never the type to believe in fate but she’s pretty damn sure that this note has appeared to her in this moment for a reason. While Steve Harrington wasn't the first person on her list of people to share personal things with anymore, she knew she needed someone to listen to her and she has a feeling he will. Perhaps he is someone she could still trust, even after everything that has happened. Without a second thought, Nancy glances at the time and calculates how much time she has to get ready. She folds the letter neatly, placing it on her dresser and heads for the shower. 

* * *

 

 

**May 20, 1984**

 

"NYU? This wasn't on your list of places you applied was it?"

Nancy's Mother slid the closed envelope across the kitchen counter while she nearly choked on the apple she was munching. She could practically feel her pupils dilating as she narrowed them on the paper. 

"Oh yeah, right. Safety school. Figured better safe than sorry ya know?" Nancy ducked her head and wiped her mouth on her sleeve to allow herself a chance to sell her lie. Karen Wheeler typically missed _nothing_. Nancy had been checking the mail almost every day since she applied but she had completely forgotten to look that day to intercept the letter. 

"Do they even offer premed courses?"

Her Mother had turned her back to her and continued preparing dinner. Nancy used this moment to seize the letter and stuff it into her pocket.

"Yeah it's kind of a new program but I figured the big city could be fun."

Nancy picked at the skin on the apple and started thinking of how she was going to duck out of dinner that evening. This wasn't a conversation she planned on finishing. 

"This doesn't have anything to do with Steve now does it? Because we talked about this."

Her Mother peered over her shoulder with her 'Motherly Eyes' as Nancy liked to call it. Whenever Karen Wheeler felt the need to intervene she had a certain look in her eyes that was not to be reckoned with.

"No _Mom_ , it doesn't." She wasn't lying. 

* * *

 

 

**June 11, 1988**

 

Nancy would have never imagined herself in a situation where she would be parked outside Steve Harrington's house again, that's for sure. In any case, here she is. She taps her hands on the steering wheel and evaluates her surroundings. The cracked window allows her to hear the soothing commotion of friends chattering and rock music dancing through the summer air in the distance. She peers into the rear-view mirror for a third time, fluffing her hair and puckers her matte cherry lips. She studies her reflection as if it holds the answers to her problems, while butterflies swirl in her abdomen. Social apprehension and anxiety isn't something she grew out of, contrary to her Mother always telling her that she would.

Her eyes begin to water the harder she examines her reflection and she enters that limbo-like state when you stare at something for so long that the world around you contorts like a fun house. A loud crack of static from the radio brings her back. A news broadcaster interrupts the pop-rock station to announce a fifth fatal car crash that weekend. She switches the radio refusing to listen to gruesome details about another family's lives being destroyed by a tragedy.

She reluctantly gets out of the car and locks it behind her. Mike's ugly insult earlier in the day chimes in the back of her mind and serves as bitter motivation to propel herself towards Steve's house. Just because she doesn't have many friends currently, doesn't dictate the potential to make them now. The sudden urge for an alcoholic beverage is very real. 

As Steve's driveway comes into view, the music grows much louder and she can see blurred and scattered figures through the various shrubbery on the side of his house. There's a large splash followed by an eruption of boisterous laughter. _Pool party_. She makes her way to the top of the driveway and can clearly see the party guests crowded near the pool and the back deck. Nancy sucks her breath in when the memory of Barb and shotgunning cheap beers clouds her vision. She allows the momentary zap of pain to her chest that always followed the flashbacks of her late friend, but only for a moment. 

"Nancy? Nancy Wheeler?"

Nancy twirls on her heels at the mention of her name. A platinum blonde girl, approached her with a honest but drunken smile. If that doesn't give her alcohol consumption away then the glassy film over her brilliant crystal-grey eyes definitely do. Her cheekbones are delicately sprinkled with freckles and she sports bright pink lipstick. She is absolutely stunning and Nancy has  _absolutely_ no idea who she is. 

"Hey...yeah...hi. Do I know you?"

She fumbles, sneaking her hand around into the back of her hair and scratches awkwardly. . She sweeps her eyes up and down the girl's face trying to figure out how she knows the stunning girl.

"I've heard a lot...about you! I've seen some...old pictures too." The mystery girl hiccups her response and tosses back the end of her drink trying to mask it, Nancy guesses.

This kind of response wouldn't bother the average person but Nancy's chest begins to overheat. Heard a lot from who? What had she heard? _What pictures_?

"I'm sorry but..."

As she twists her necklace in quiet distress, she is abruptly aware of how affected she still is even after all this time. After everything that happened, she is left with unrelenting paranoia and crippling anxiety. 

"You came! You _actually_ showed, I will be damned!"

Steve appears out of nowhere and wraps her in a quick and friendly hug, smelling of campfire, liquor and pine. She answers with a squeak and clears her throat when he steps away, sipping his beer.

"Here I am." Nancy replies weakly. 

"Well aren't we the lucky ones then?" Steve smiles charmingly and takes a long drag from his cigarette, acknowledging another guest with a fleeting shoulder to shoulder pat. 

Nancy cringes as the harsh cloud of smoke fills her nostrils. She fluffs her hair once more still feeling largely out place. She shifts her eyes back to the blonde who is curiously examining her. Steve must have noticed this because he speaks again.

"So I see you've met Aubrey. Aubrey DeSoto, this is Nancy Wheeler as you probably already guessed, Nancy this is my girlfriend."

She feels immediate relief with the introduction. She isn't entirely certain as to why she was so paranoid to begin with but she surmises it has something to do with her own misconception that everyone is out to get her. She automatically assumed everyone from her hometown thought ill of her.

"Ohh, okay." Nancy laughs with discomfort "You're very pretty."

It slips, but it's the truth. Nancy yelps and falls forward slightly as an eager party-goer accidentally slams into her. 

"Okay but have you seen yourself?! Let's get you a drink, you're making me sober just looking at you." Aubrey grabs Nancy's hand without any intention of asking permission and pulls her towards the back of the house.

"Go easy on her, she can't hang like she used to!"

Steve slugs his drink and winks at Nancy. Is this really happening? Is Steve Harrington's girlfriend on the other end of her arm pulling her towards her old high school classmates while simultaneously intending to get her intoxicated? Nancy will never know for sure why she can't just let things _be_ instead of having to over evaluate everything but it's like second nature and she can't help herself.

"Oh and Steve?" Nancy tugs gently on Aubrey's arm to slow her. She thinks the drunk girl was going to face plant. "I have to ask you something later, come find me?"

Nancy thinks she hears him respond with an 'oh boy' but he is tackled by a group of friends who have just arrived. She has to make sure she maintaines a level head and doesn't get wasted at the party. She scans the yard for exits if she has to make one with haste. While she is beginning to relax and feel less like ditching her skin, she just isn't ready to pretend she is someone she's not in front of so many familiar strangers. Not to mention she is really only here for one reason, and that reason being her desire to discuss with Steve the feeling of danger that she just can't shake. Some light alcohol and conversation definitely can't  hurt regardless, right?  

* * *

 

 

 _There now, steady love, so few come and don't go_  
_Will you won't you, be the one I always know?_  
  


 

 

 

**May 26, 1984**

 

"If you think I'm running in this you are dead wrong Jonathan!"

Cupping her hands around her mouth, she shouted at Jonathan from under the tree that was currently shielding her from torrential downpour. Boys would never fully understand the amount of time and effort it took girls to do their hair and she was supposed to attend a stupid family dinner that evening on top of it. Her Mother would murder her if she came home looking like a wet dog. Not to mention _he_ dragged _her_ back down to the quarry again to retake some photos. She would wait out the storm under the tree where it was _dry._

"You're going to get struck by lightening, get in the car!" Jonathan stuck his head out the window and flashed his high beams at her.

"It's not even thundering!" Nancy's voice cracked as her voice rivaled the heavy rain that hammered down around them.

"Are you...get in the car-"

"-No!"

Jonathan looked exasperated from what she could tell through the blurry waterfall between them and pushed himself back into the car. She briefly wondered if he actually would leave her there. _Not likely._  He shifted the car into gear and rolled it closer to her under the tree before stopping again. There was still a large enough of a gap between them for her to get soaked. As if he could read her mind his arm reappeared suddenly with a balled up object. In one swift throw he flung it towards her and she caught it intuitively. She unfolded a large red sweatshirt. Nancy tilted her head down knowing full well her cheeks matched the crimson of the fabric. Her heart swelled with the tactful gesture. 

Nancy flipped the sweatshirt over her head and tied the arms around herself like a bonnet and bolted towards the car door that Jonathan had already opened for her when she began her sprint. She launched herself into the passenger's seat with an inflated plop. She let out a small squeal as she released the sweatshirt and shook herself off like a cat who had been shot with a spray bottle. She rotated the fabric to the dry side and continued to wipe down her arms and bare legs with it. She was silently grateful she chose the blue dress over the white one she originally had on earlier. When she was finally situated she noticed they still weren't moving and Jonathan was staring at her with a discreet smirk.

"Yes?"

Nancy was very aware of their proximity as the scent of dew and early Summer humidity from the rain filled the tight space in the car. She re-positioned herself nonchalantly, allowing more space between the two of them so that she could breathe. 

"Oh gee, maybe a thank you around here would be nice once in a while?" Nancy tossed the wet sweatshirt at him and he laughed quietly as he put the car in reverse. He lobbed it right back at her, completely tousling her hair again. 

"Hey!" 

"What? I don't want it now after you just rubbed it all over yourself, I'll smell like a chick."

Even when he was trying to sass her he still managed to sound sweet. Nancy wouldn't bother denying to herself that she leaned into the crook of his arm when he slumped it around her headrest to reverse onto the main road. 

"What, you don't think I smell nice?"

Nancy grazed her nose across the fabric with her head turned towards the window so he wouldn't see before she finally cast it into the backseat. Once upon a time she was apprehensive about flirting with Jonathan but at that point, it was like a force of habit.

"I never said that."

One hand on the steering wheel, his tone promptly switched from playful to deliberate. He never took his eyes off of the road. Nancy watched as the goosebumps on her legs spread like a wildfire. It was from the rain, definitely the rain. 

"What's going to happen?" This was an extremely loaded question and Nancy was aware of that afterwards but it sort of just slipped out like the rest of her thoughts. 

"With?"

She glimpsed at Jonathan who was nibbling on his thumb nail, she learned this was something else he did when he was unsure. As often as the two of them passed into uncomfortable territory, they never faltered. If anything, they always ended up learning more about one another. What did that mean?

"Everything." Nancy knew this was vague but she meant it. Jonathan didn't answer her because he most likely knew she would elaborate when she was ready.

"After graduation, what's going to happen to us all? To Will? Your Mom? Mike? Do we just go on with our lives like they're totally normal? I mean I know there's that phrase about monsters or skeletons in your closet or whatever, but, _we're_ the exceptions you know? _We're the exceptions_. Those monsters were and _are_  real and I'm _still_ scared." She paused. "Just wondering what will happen to us that's all."

They drove in tranquil silence for several miles. The sound of the rain pounding on the windshield and the wipers working overtime drowned out the world around her. Nancy didn't think Jonathan would respond to her which was okay, so she was surprised when he did. 

"You're different, I'm different."

"Come again?"

Nancy rolled her head to look at Jonathan curiously. She wiped the beads of sweat forming on her brow line from the heat and humidity that was slowly building in the car from the lack of fresh air. 

"I mean yeah, things are different now and I guess they always will be, but it is what it is right?" Jonathan rubbed his chin thoughtfully while keeping his eyes forward. 

"Yeah, sure." Nancy wasn't sure how to respond and quietly regretted bringing up the subject to begin with. 

"You're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for Nancy." His response was hushed but it cut through her like a blade.

Nancy continued to study him while he spoke, enthralled. She knew the difference between someone giving her a general response specifically to shut her up and when they were being truly sincere. Jonathan meant every word of what he was saying to her. The goosebumps were back with a vengeance and this time they were accompanied by a tightening in her womb that caused her to clench her thighs and dig her nails into them. If Jonathan thought she was strong then he would never believe her opinion of him even if she were hooked up to a polygraph. She wasn't sure if Jonathan would ever know how highly she thought of him and how brave _he_ really was. 

"Jonathan." It was quiet but firm.

"Yes?" He tilted his chin towards her with the purest smile and shifted his eyes from the road to hers, and then back to the road.

Déjà vu was a wild phenomena. The moment felt oddly familiar, like they had been there before, but they hadn't. Nancy's heart was battering her chest like a snare drum and although the reaction that was devouring her from the inside out was not an obscure one, she was completely clueless on what to do about it. Not only was it inappropriate for her to act on it but she also didn't want to scare him away and run the risk of ruining their friendship.

The unforeseen sexually tense atmosphere that developed between the two of them was splintered when the engine emitted a loud knocking sound that could be heard over the rain and music playing on the radio. Smoke began to waft through the downpour that was pelting the hood of the car. They gradually slowed in speed and Jonathan slammed his wrist on the steering wheel cursing under his breath. The universe had a consistent way of interrupting the two of them and she hadn't quite figured out yet if it was for their benefit or not. 

Jonathan rolled the car off to the side of the road and threw the shifter into park while letting out a short but heavy exhale. He turned the ignition off and leaned down to pop the hood and opened the door and then slammed it shut again without saying anything. She watched as he scurried to the front end of the car and propped the hood open. He disappeared then and all she could see was blurred lights from the road in the setting sun that looked more like an oil painting on the windshield. She sat fully upright, waiting patiently for him to return. She wasn't really concerned about their car troubles and she blinked away the recognition that it was because he made her feel safe. 

The hood of the car slammed abruptly and Jonathan reappeared again and she watched as his cloudy figure emerged and sprinted back around to the driver's side and hurriedly flung himself inside. He was completely drenched. The logo on his black band t-shirt that hugged his chest like saran wrap was rising and falling rapidly with his shallow breaths. He bent his head downward and ran his fingers through his full locks, shaking them in their wake. He reached behind the two of them and grasped the red sweatshirt from the backseat again and attempted drying himself with it. 

"Engine overheated, at least I think. There's a lot of smoke but my temperature gauge is broken on the dash so it's hard to be sure. I'm not the best with this crap, my Dad was." She was wondering if they were stranded or not when he answered her subconscious. 

"..So.."

Nancy was unsure of how to respond to the mention of his Father and she wasn't going to pretend she knew a single thing about cars and what this meant as far as a diagnosis.

"...So we just have to wait a while and I'll add some fluid and it should be fine."

Jonathan was still working on the saturation dilemma but he must've realized it was pointless because he huffed and discarded the sweatshirt. Nancy selfishly followed his taught and glossy muscles that pulled and stretched while he fumbled some more with his unrelenting head of hair.

"Oh."

Feeling the heat around them closing in, Nancy shuddered. It was borderline sweltering in the car but she couldn't accuse the climate alone for the increasing heat in her core. Nancy was being wound so tightly with emotions that she definitely didn't understand. She felt like she was going to self-combust from the strain of it all.

He swept his hair up and over his forehead and despite the alteration, a few strands fell back down in front of his eyes. Nancy kicked off her sandals and casually rotated herself towards him. She tucked her knees sideways, being sure to keep the hem of her short sundress flat against her lap. She rested her head in her hand against the seat while blowing a piece of her own unruly hair from her line of sight and smiled. She had seen uncomfortable Jonathan before but this definitely took the Nobel Prize.

"What're you doing?" Jonathan was tentative and reluctant like she was a dangerous animal and he was wary of her next move. 

That's when it really struck Nancy for the first time. Maybe Jonathan _was_ afraid of her. Maybe he was hesitant because he was uncertain and maybe, _just maybe_ he was even more muddled by their budding relationship as she was. Her current theory generated an indefinable sentiment to surge her conscience. Nancy smiled a smile so wide that Jonathan matched it but he couldn't possibly know why. All she wanted was to show him he had nothing in this world to be afraid of when she was with him.

"How about a road trip game? Let's hear one."

Nancy made herself as comfortable as possible in her new awkward positioning while fiddling with a long rope of her hair. Was she trying to sound coy and... _provocative?_

"...You lost me." Jonathan didn't respond for several seconds and when he did he shrugged his shoulders and laughed timidly in defeat.

She had never seen him so uncomfortable before in all of their time spent together. She was sure he was about to open the door and take off down the road, regardless of the weather.  

"You mentioned once that you spent a lot of time on the road with your Dad, so I'm assuming you guys had some way to pass the time besides yelling at each other."

Nancy pursed her lips like she always did when she knew she was right. She tracked the single raindrop that collected on the fringe hanging over his forehead and watched as it dripped onto his nose and then staggered it's way down his lips. She followed it all the way down to where it splattered on his jeans and lazily lifted her gaze back to his when he spoke. 

"No road trip games, sorry to disappoint."

Jonathan's voice was low and raspy as he clutched the steering wheel and wiped his face on his forearm, most likely trying to escape her prevailing candidness. If Nancy was being honest with herself, she wasn't even sure where this newfound confidence was emerging from either, but she also couldn't stop herself. She was very aware of the fact that she was making Jonathan want to ditch his skin but only fueled her desire to open him up to her.  

Instead of responding Nancy just settled her eyes on his own golden ones and was praying to a higher power she could perhaps explain to him through her expression how she was feeling about him in that moment because her words wouldn't save her now. She stood her ground though, never breaking eye contact and trusted that the intelligent boy sitting across from her would understand her intention.

"I'm going to go check-"

Jonathan started to lean down to release the hood of the car again and Nancy finally intercepted. She placed her hand on his arm and it was if her touch sent a jolt through him because he stopped short. 

"-It's been like three minutes. Is it really that terrible being stuck here with me?" She had his complete attention now. 

"No." He breathed. 

"Well okay then." Nancy moved closer, throwing caution to the wind.

The goosebumps canvased her entire body now. Nancy gently slid her hand from his rain slicked forearm, up his bicep and raised it further to brush away the dripping bangs that hung over his innocent face. She wiped away the leftover water droplets on his cheek and traced the outline of his defined jaw line, all while never taking her eyes off of his. The way he was watching her was intoxicating and she determined that she could no longer resist. Nancy leaned even closer and watched Jonathan move his eyes down to her lips and then to her chest. An electrical current coiled through her body as she wondered what he was thinking about when he looked at her that way. His gaze slowly lagged back to match hers and she inched herself closer to him. 

"Okay." Jonathan's breath was condensed and he switched from reluctant to willing in rendition of her challenging demeanor.

"Okay." Nancy smiled devilishly with heavy and hooded eyes. She couldn't recall a time in her life where her adrenaline was so wanton and unbridled. 

She knew now that desire had a taste and it was exquisite and nectarous. She may have been only eighteen years old but she had never known an emotion like this really existed. Truthfully she was rather inexperienced herself, including the one time she had been with Steve so she was a bit hypocritical to judge Jonathan. Besides, what did she really know about his intimate past? Steve flashed through her mind, but only for a fleeting moment and Nancy guessed it meant that she felt nothing close to remorse in this moment. Her thoughts swirled through her hazy mind while her entire body throbbed with foreign want and need. She wanted to touch Jonathan, as in _,_ _touch_ him. He was no longer the broken and misunderstood boy that she once pitied. He was so much more than that to her now. He was Jonathan and she wanted to be touched by him too. Oh she wanted it _so_ badly. 

Raising his hand slowly but deliberately, Jonathan placed it on the side of her face. Nancy leaned closer instinctively and closed her eyes, letting out a concentrated sigh. Her toes were curling underneath her tucked legs and she wasn't sure how much more of this building tension she could endure before she exploded. His hand was cold and damp from the rain but it was exactly the notion that she needed. She flickered her eyes back open and he was even closer than before. He lowered his hand and dropped his thumb to the fullness of her lower lip, tracing it back and forth before letting it go with a soft pop. _He was testing his boundaries._ Nancy let out something akin to a whimper at the sensation and felt embarrassment torch her cheeks. Jonathan must have noticed because he smiled bashfully.  

The anticipation was torturous. She opened her mouth to say something along the lines of sarcasm about him just making a move already but then he was kissing her and she had no breath to make another sound. His lips were warm and soft and tasted of rainwater and aftershave. She breathed out in short bursts from her nostrils, her heart drubbing relentlessly, and she wasn't sure yet if this was actually happening. Jonathan moved his head, taking her bottom lip between his own. She released a long pent up breath and curled her fingers into his shirt, kissing him back with all of the emotion and frustration that had been building between the two for months. This was real, _this was real._

He made a small noise in the back of his throat while she felt his fingers run up the length of her neck to cradle the back of her head in his hand. Her stomach was rolling and flopping with every movement of their lips and she felt the absurd urge to cry out but her lips were too preoccupied. She pulled away suddenly for air but didn't release her grip on his side. Jonathan's gasps matched her own and she couldn't resist the giggle and rush of relief that escaped her. She liked to think they both wanted this for quite some time now. Just when she assumed he would pull away because she had, he surprised her. Jonathan leaned in for a second time, this time kissing her with more intensity than before. Nancy guessed Jonathan was unaware that she caught him smiling back before he leaned into her again. If she hadn't seen it, she could easily feel his upturned lips against her own. 

It was clumsy at first in desperation, but they soon found a rhythm that satisfied them both. Nancy opened her mouth to his and flicked the tip of his tongue with her own. She curled her tongue around his before following him back into his mouth. They chase away the initial unease with heat and shameless breathy sounds. The kiss is feverish, erotic, and desensitizing. Nancy felt like her skin had been set ablaze with every movement of their mouths on one another and hands grasping at anything and everything. 

As the initial rush of their first kiss contracted, Nancy felt a surge of an entirely new set of emotions and hormones. Nancy flattened her palms against his chest and slowly slid them down while she pushed off gently, breaking their breathless kiss. She was still close enough where the tips of their noses hovered, just barely touching. She pressed another chaste kiss on his swollen lips and pulled away completely. She knew if this wasn't done in one swift motion she would lose her nerve, so without another thought she swung her legs around so she could navigate her way to the backseat of his car.

Her mind was running a mile a minute and although her experience was lacking, she had enough awareness to know she preferred to not be the one taking control of a sexual encounter. She also understood that Jonathan was far too much of a gentleman to ever instigate it himself. If she wanted him she was going to have to take it. She was fairly confident at that point that he wanted her just as badly judging by the darkness of his eyes when they dipped down to where her breasts were pulled taught together in her sundress. 

The inevitable fear and insecurity weighed like a ball in her throat as she clumsily settled herself into the backseat. She hadn't the slightest idea of how to position her body to color herself as enticing or provocative. She inwardly reminded herself of how comfortable she felt around Jonathan when they _weren't_ dripping wet in his sultry broken down car and used this to calm herself. She felt a thick bead of perspiration trickle down from her collar bone and into the cleavage of her dress. She dipped her hand beneath the fabric and wiped away the moisture there and traced her fingers back up and across her chest. She watched Jonathan closely while she did this and the primal way he was looking at her was the final boost of confidence she needed to verbalize her next intention. 

"Come here."

Nancy arched her back slightly with her raspy demand and didn't bother hiding it. She bit her lower lip while they examined one another, long enough where she began to taste iron on her tongue. What was he thinking about? She released her lip and let out a small and breathy sigh, her legs parting ever so slightly. Once again she heard a knowing sound emitted from Jonathan's throat and she smirked wildly at him. She extended her hand to him and wiggled her fingers.

"Are you going to make me beg?"

Nancy hardly recognized her own voice. It was low and thick with yearning. Was this the person she morphed into when she was this aroused or was this just her reaction to him and only him?

She had clearly awakened something within him because just like that he pushed passed her extended arm and lifted himself up just as ungracefully as she had. She giggled playfully while he fumbled his way passed the two front seats and instead of him seating himself beside her like she expected, he hovered above her. His knees pressed firmly into the seats, one in between her thighs while he seized the arm she had outstretched and the other steadying himself on the back dash. She had to fight the intense urge to close her eyes and just _feel_ but she didn't want to miss a thing. She wanted to commit every single line of his face in this moment to memory so she could selfishly reflect on it when she was alone. His eyes were dark, his mouth swollen and cheeks flushed. He looked at her in a way that she couldn't remember another person ever doing before and it sent a spark of excitement between her legs. He was absolutely beautiful. 

He lowered her arm to her side and slid his hand tenderly back up to her shoulder, grazing the nape of her neck. Nancy shivered and allowed him to see the reaction. He earned it. She loved the way she felt so small underneath him like this. She had been acutely aware of their difference in size prior but there was something about being enclosed like this that was powerfully intimate and her womb tightened and untightened in anticipation of whatever was coming next.

"You are really somethin', you know that?"

His breath was blazing against her mouth and if she wasn't studying him so carefully she wouldn't believe the voice came from her Jonathan. _Her_ Jonathan?

"Touch me Jonathan." Nancy's voice cracked through her arousal but she wanted him to know how serious she was about this. She didn't want to leave any room for doubt or apprehension.

She was turned on, uncomfortably wet against her thin underwear and the feeling only increased when his knee slid closer to the heat of her. Her heart pounded painfully and she pulled his neck down so their lips could crash together once more. She tangled her fingers in his dampened hair and drifted her other hand between the two of them and hooked her finger on the hem of his jeans. Nancy was ready to get lost in the boy that had saved her life and stolen her heart.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *And boom goes the first round of dynamite* I was going to drag this out a bit longer just for slow burn's sake but I think you guys deserve the world for waiting so long for an update. So I did some very necessary rearranging. Many of you kept asking me when they would finally kiss and my response was always when I felt that they were ready. I think I finally got them to the point where they were ready to make that leap. Next two chapters coming soon. I will be introducing the conflict and antagonists in those two chapters as well. Thanks for holding on during the beginning of this journey. I've got a great deal going on in my personal life including just starting my career and starting my masters degree next semester. You're all so wonderful. Please let me know what you think. Much love - Steph
> 
> *PS - We're getting closer to season two ya'll!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ: If anyone suffers PTSD from a car crash, please skip this chapter if you're triggered by images or descriptions of motor vehicle accidents. I don't describe violence in great detail but it's a warning for those who need it.

**SEVEN**

 

 _There's a humming in the restless summer air_  
_And we're slipping off the course that we prepared_

 

 

 

**June 11, 1988**

 

 

"Steve's always had nice things to say about you, you know. Even though it sorta annoys me." Aubrey snaps her gum loudly and hands Nancy an unidentified drink in a plastic red cup.

Nancy is still adapting to the stimuli around her and she almost doesn't process Aubrey's bold and quite honestly, backhanded compliment. 

"I'm sorry?"

Nancy accepts the drink skeptically, sniffing it and cringes. This girl had  _some_  nerve. She can feel the heat speckle her cheeks with annoyance and discomfort. She think about excusing herself to the bathroom with no plan of returning to the unbearable exchange but then Aubrey speaks again. 

"Sorry, that was rude." The stunning blonde's hazy eyes soften as she exhales, throwing back a shot glass of dark brown liquor. So this girl is aware that comes off rather, _strong_ , yet still doesn't hold back. 

There's no real desire to respond to the apology, so instead she tips her drink slightly, signaling truce. Albeit she is mildly curious as to why this girl felt any sort of hostility towards Nancy is beyond her understanding, she can't bring herself to ask why. 

"You're just the infamous Nancy Wheeler, kind of hard to compete with that." Aubrey tosses a knowing smirk over her shoulder at a familiar male face that treads passed them.  _Faithful,_  she thinks. 

"I..." The awkward conversation leaves Nancy unsure of sure what to do with her words or posture. _Who says things like that?_ Not to mention she never managed uncomfortable social situations with grace. While she maintained a seemingly outgoing composure, she would still feel as though her own skin didn't belong to her. She is inwardly aware that she most likely appears uncouth right now but makes no effort to hinder her standoffish demeanor. 

Aubrey giggles drunkenly and leans against the railing of the deck, her large silver eyes calculating Nancy. She figures that Aubrey wouldn't normally be quite so blunt, but then again she  _is_  a stranger. The fact that this conversation is even happening is absurd enough in itself. Nancy Wheeler at  _Steve Harrington's_  pool party like they were back in high school, like nothing had changed at all. Even though _everything_  had changed.

"You're so naive. It's no secret around here that you left your mark on quite a few people." Aubrey tilts her drink back, emptying it's contents down her throat completely. She lobs the cup over the railing and onto the grass.  _Who the hell does this girl think she is?_

"Okay, I don't know you, I don't have to listen to this. You also have  _no_  idea what you're talking about, so on that note I'm-" Nancy's cheeks are heated with chagrin and she makes to move passed the crude and ignorant blonde, but Aubrey snatches her arm.

"Wait."

Nancy pauses against her better judgement and narrows her eyes on the delicate manicure digging into her skin.

"I'm sorry. I'm an ass, 'eriously.." Aubrey hiccups and slowly releases her grip on Nancy's forearm.  

She felt virtually no loyalty to anyone in this town so it was unbeknownst to Nancy as to why she decides to stay and endure another minute of uneasiness, regardless of how badly she wanted to talk to Steve. She crosses her arms defensively, shielding herself from whatever insulting crap could potentially be expelled at her next.  _Where is Steve._

"I've 'lways been a little jealous ya know? It's pretty 'bvious he still gives a crap about you after all this time, and I guess...well that it 'timidates me." Aubrey does her best to finish her overtly personal confession without hiccuping but doesn't succeed. She lowers her eyes to the ground in what Nancy guesses is shame. 

Nancy softens in response to the daring girl's disclosure. She never thought of it that way before-that Steve might still care for her. Maybe not in the way he once did, but he cared enough to share a drink with her and invite her to his party. More importantly, he _forgave_  her. But that's what  _friends_  did, right? Lovers on the other hand, was another story entirely. 

"You don't have to feel that way, Steve and I...it was  _so_  long ago and my heart was never really in it, so just don't worry." Nancy glances at the ground and back up to the sky as she trips over her own words. She squeezes the cup in her hand and the plastic crackles against her palm. She can feel the heat flush her cheeks and chest in embarrassment once more.

Aubrey's only response is a low snort and another chug hurled back. The sound of the party erupting around them still is not enough noise to nullify just how grievous this confrontation really is. Nancy is certain she can't stand much more of it and immediately wishes she hadn't left Steve when she arrived. Her mission had been to find out whether or not Steve could confirm or deny any suspicions she's had, not to get drunk with his jealous girlfriend. 

Nancy begins to quip herself with a proper comeback, in the event that Aubrey slings another remark at her but she's relieved to note she most likely won't have to. The topic of conversation joins them once more as he steps out onto the deck with two plates filled with various barbecued food.  

"Brought you ladies some grease to soak up all the booze, especially you." Steve grins fiercely and hands a plate to Aubrey who returns the gesture by rolling her eyes.

"Oh thanks, but I already ate."  _Lies._ She just can't stomach food at the moment.

"More for me then." Steve rests his hips against the deck railing and Nancy watches him as his eyes scan his own party.

She hadn't really noticed until then just how many people are here. He's definitely going to have quite the mess on his hands when it's over. Actually, he probably doesn't even care. If her memory serves her, Steve may have been terrified of his Father but wasn't the tidiest person she'd come across. Old habits really _do_ die hard.

Nancy's own scanning eyes pause on two police officers standing on Steve's lawn. They appear to be speaking to some party guests as they scribble in their notepads. 

"Oh, look." She taps Steve's side with the back of her hand. "What're the police doing here? Noise complaint?"

Lifting her head to the sky, she cringes into the intense heat and light that greets her, it was still early. The sun is undoubtedly going down now but there's enough daylight to be spared for it to be a disturbance to the distant neighbors. Nancy sips the bitter drink and winces as it burns a slippery path down her throat. She really doesn't like alcohol  _at all_. 

"Nah, they had some questions about those missing teens from Fairview County." Steve's response is muffled by his mouth stuffed full of grease.

"Missing teens?"

The proverbial sense of dread begins seeping into her gut and though she doesn't know who these teens are, she can't help but assume that it's not a coincidence. Nancy had been trying to think of way to ease into the topic with Steve and she thinks that it may have just fallen into her lap. 

"Yeah, the story is actually kind of spooky." Aubrey continues her righteous hiccuping and leans over Steve's plate, snatching a piece of his food and plops it into her mouth.

"What do you mean by spoo-" Nancy's speech drops off to a low whisper when she sees him. 

His chestnut hair whisks in the light Summer breeze as the lowering sun sends a beam of gold propelling back into the sky. She hardly recognizes him in torn cutoff jean shorts and a white sleeveless band tee. He's visibly lively and content in the crowd which makes him more unrecognizable than anything else. Even from this distance she can tell that the scruff spattering his jawline is more prominent than earlier in the week.

Somewhere lost in the unrelenting humming in her ears, Nancy can make out a voice speaking her name, trying to capture her attention but it's currently being spellbound by him. Her heart thuds heavily once, twice, and several more times before crumbling deep into the pit of her stomach. Nausea rises and falls like a restless tide in her gut and she absurdly senses something akin to acidic jealousy that he's happy without her. Pressing her hand against her abdomen, she tries to soften the blow that just struck her there directly. It only worsens when he throws his head back in vibrant laughter, his Adam's apple bobbing slightly. What is he doing here? Is he friends with Steve now? Why would they be friends? They couldn't be. And Carol? 

"Yo, Nancy? Nance? You look like you just saw a ghost."

She turns her head briefly to meet Steve's eyes but her attention is still needed elsewhere. Her eyes water from the burn of neglecting to blink but she can see that Steve is watching her carefully and slows his chewing with concern. The air around her is thick and the lump that is swelling in her throat threatens to cut off her oxygen supply.

"I might have." She's certain they can hear the relentless bounding of her heartbeat over the music and raucous party cheers. 

Using her peripherals she notes Steve shifting his glance between her and then towards her line of sight and then back towards her again.  _"Byers?"_

"What?" The response is weak and fumbling and she knows it's too late to appear passive.

"What's with you 'awkins people? You guys are always all worked up. You're killin' my buzz, see you later dudes." Aubrey slurs throwing a waive behind her fleeting back and Nancy is silently grateful for her disappearance. Except now her inability to breathe has been replaced with another burden entirely. 

"She's charming." Words taste like poison now, as they always do when she feels this this way.

Nancy dumps the rest of the contents of her cup down her throat, never taking her eyes off of him. She hopes it will numb the ache in her core but it doesn't.

"She's wasted is what she is. She's usually a lot...different. She's been through a lot lately."

Scoffing, she thinks to herself how much she _does not_ care to discuss Steve's repugnant girlfriend or why it is she is the way she is. She continues to watch Jonathan some more and fleetingly considers approaching him. Though inwardly she accepts she'll likely never have the audacity to do anything like that again. She is even more vulnerable now than before.

"What's the deal with Carol and Jonathan." To hell with being discreet at this point. The question stung her lips as it left her mouth and she could taste acid rising vehemently in her throat. 

"How do you-" Steve presses his lips in a thin line when Nancy glares daggers at him. 

The reaction is instinctual and she thinks this may reveal even more than she already has. If Steve hasn't already figured out she has Jonathan Byers issues then maybe he was the dumb jock she used to believe him to be. She muses that even _if_ he confronts her about these issues, the question shouldn't be if she does or doesn't, it should be why. It has been four long years and that amount of time lapse in her case warrants a reasonable explanation. 

He clears his throat and cracks his neck. "Weird how different everything is since graduation right?"  He pauses. "As far as Byers and Carol, they just hook up, I mean I think, because we all know Carol isn't incapable of being with one dude. Time doesn’t always change people."

His tone is playful in his response and he then continues to impale his face with food casually, completely unaware of the bomb he has just detonated inside of her.  _They just hook up, you think?_

"Oh. _"_  Nancy's hands shake slightly and the plastic of the cup cracks beneath her narrowing grip, superficially slicing her palm.

It's too arduous to label her emotions exactly but it's comparable to _rage_. She presses her lips together and then curls the bottom one beneath her front tooth, nearly drawing blood. The tightening of her jaw reflects the stiffness that extends throughout her entire body. Steve is still babbling away next to her about them but the knowing hum in her hears muffles him indefinitely. The heat of the burden scorches painfully up her slender neck and spreads to the creamy skin of her face. She feels virulent and feverish. The only time she can recall being so manic from the inside out was during Barb's disappearance, when no one would listen to her. But that _made sense_  to Nancy. Barb was her best friend and something terrible happened to her. This, this  _hurricane_  of asperity is distasteful and just  _wrong._ She has absolutely no business allowing herself to get so worked up over something, over  _someone_ , who is no longer her concern. He never really was.

The flash of full, bouncing brown curls and a slender tan arm draped over his shoulder is all Nancy needed to send her over the edge into a toxic freefall. "Steve, thank you for inviting me, but I'm going to leave now. We'll catch up another time."

Nancy flings the empty cup onto the picnic table adjacent to her and snatches her purse off of the deck chair. She doesn't even bother meeting his eyes as she rudely breaks free. She spins on her heels swiftly before sprinting down the deck stairs. "I'm sorry. I'll see you around."

Before he can respond or try to stop her, she moves promptly through the thick clumps of party-goers, accidentally shoulder bumping along the way. She bites her lip forcefully with muttered apologies while focusing on just making it to her car and getting the fuck out. Her sandals slap against the asphalt of the driveway and she can all but taste the impending relief. She treds a slow jog once she reaches the end of the driveway but skids on her heels, nearly falling forward.  It's her nerves, she thinks.

"Nancy!" 

She was so accustomed to hearing his voice in her head for so long, that identifying reality from imagination is unclear. It’s not her imagination however. The indisputable voice dawdles behind her, hitting her heart like a punching bag. She turns slowly but still continues backwards and away from the root of her angst. Her breathing is heavy from her hasty departure but she hides it well, letting out small and shallow breaths at a time. She inches herself backwards, not wanting to stop completely, out of fear that her feet would cement her in place.

"I was just on my way out, I gotta go home." Nancy tries fiercely to sound unaffected.

"I just want to talk." Jonathan moves closer to her at the end of the driveway and when he does she takes three steps backwards. He realizes that she's deliberately trying to increase the distance between them and stops.

His hands rest firmly in his pockets and it's like they are back in high school. A flicker of desperation washes over his face and it's the exact reason why she doesn't want to look at him. He has a way of bringing her to her knees like no one else could ever manage. The softness of his expression is a counter of her own. He appears delicate and forgiving whereas Nancy is harsh and begrudging. She doesn't deserve someone like him, she never has. Things don't work out the first time for a reason.

"No! Okay  _no_! This isn't a thing! Me and you,  _us_." Nancy ushers her hand between the two of them. She felt a single bead of sweat trickle down her temple. "We're not friends anymore Jonathan. Do me a favor and just stay  _away_  from me. I'll be gone in a couple of months again and it'll be like I was never even here. Thank you for fixing my car, really  _thank you_ , but this ends here." 

His name leaving her lips practically makes her sick on the spot with grief. Turning her back on him, she continues her final departure.  _She is always running._  She refuses to let him see the tears she knew would come now and couldn't bare to see the look on his face. If she hadn't been so enraged by the image of Jonathan and Carol together, she is certain she would never have such audacity to be so cruel to someone so undeserving of it. Animosity though is a mighty compelling thing. She inhales harshly, hoping the imminent sob could hold off just a little longer. She feels like she's being slowly stoned to death with each passing second and the increasing weight on her chest threatens to suffocate her as she tries to ignore his finals words spoken to her fleeing back because they did not matter.  _She's not my girlfriend._

Nancy finally makes it to her car, heaving herself inside. Her hand shakes violently as she fumbles for the ignition. She will not look in the rear view mirror because she is expecting him to still be standing at the foot of the driveway, watching her leave as always. This is the last time. As soon as the engine turns, she presses down on the gas as hard as she can. A small screech and puff of smoke from the spinning tires indicates she is finally safe.

She waits and waits for the tears that should've come by now, but they don't. The tears never come and she wonders if maybe there is just nothing left in her weep. Perhaps after years of breakdowns and the trauma of it all, there is just simply nothing left. For four years, Nancy thought about how she almost lost her life to a dangerous creature in a nightmarish place that until very recently, still had her questioning whether or not any of it could've actually been real. But the more apparent loss of life wasn't the physical or tangible. Nancy feels as though she lost the part of life that makes life worth living, that it was _taken from_ her. She remembers what it feels like to be whole, but even when she is her happiest now, it doesn't compare. Something is always missing now. So the tears do not come this time.

Aubrey was only half right, Nancy isn't thoroughly naive. She knows _exactly_ what is wrong with her and _everything_ is wrong with her. She's been broken for a long time now and accepts that she may never feel like herself again. She is however, naive to think that any of this mattered anymore. She can try to convince herself all she wants that she had no idea she would see Jonathan again but growing up in a small town, she knew better. He is almost always in the back of her mind and if he isn't there, he's in the forefront. She wasn't entirely surprised to see him at Steve's one bit. But what had surprised her was her intense reaction to the sight of Carol and Jonathan together for a _second_ time. Her hatred and malice of the situation is the ugliest emotion she has ever felt and distance is the only remedy. 

Pulling the strap of the seat belt across her chest and clicking it into place, she increases her speed. She had one drink but the mixture of that with her all encompassing fury was was enough to be intoxicated. She clutches the wheel tighter, watching the speedometer creep up to sixty, then seventy, and then eighty. Normally she would experience an intense adrenaline rush from driving so fast but she felt nothing but the acidity of anguish.

Nancy drives for several more miles going  _way_  too fast. She didn't realize that she is almost on the outskirts of town already. A car ahead of her distance appears suddenly and she realizes she would have to slow down. The decrease in speed brings her down from her trance. _She's not my girlfriend._

Nancy plays his words over and over in her head against her better judgement and curses the car in front of her for distracting her. Why did he feel the need to say that? What did he think it would change? It shouldn't matter whether he had a girlfriend or not. And much to Nancy's dismay, it also shouldn't matter to her if that girl was Carol. Regardless she can't get the image of the two of them  _like that_ , out of her head. Her stomach turns the way it does before she is sick and she can feel the rage burning again like wildfire. She stares down at her purse on the floor, half remorseful she destroyed the tape, half smug with relief.

When she brings her eyes back to the road it's far too late to bother slamming on her brakes. The car in front of her is suddenly engulfed in flames and the wreckage of it is barreling towards the front of her car. Nancy opens her mouth to scream and everything goes black. 

 

* * *

 _If ever there was a doubt_  
_My love she leans into me_  
_This most assuredly counts_  
_She says most assuredly_

**May 26, 1984**

 

The sound of the rushing rainwater and recurrent breathy gasps resounded through the muggy car. It was almost dusk now, and the eager ray of setting sunlight peeking through the storm settled around them, creating a near unrealistically enchanting glow. Jonathan looked fascinating like this, dripping with sweat and rainwater, eyes darkened with passion. Nancy yearned for a way to freeze this moment in time so that it would never end. In all her life, she had never felt so turbulent and free. 

Straddling his lap with her thighs secured tightly around his own, she could barely recall switching positions. Their mouths alternated between desperate and teeth clattering to slow and chaste. Jonathan ravaged her mouth once more before moving his swollen lips to her neck while Nancy lolled her head to the side, allowing him fuller access. She breathed a soft moan in response to the new sensation. Nancy could feel his lips turn upwards in a smile against the sensitive flesh and her heart swelled. Any thoughts of apprehension she had regarding Jonathan's experience was irrelevant now because of the way he was making her feel. 

Nancy shifted her weight marginally due to the increasing numbness in her legs, which caused the heat of her to grind into his arousal. The sudden awareness resulted in Jonathan halting his wet trail of kisses and a gasp into the dip of where her neck and shoulder met. She exhaled harshly into the fabric on his shoulder and cursed him inwardly for still having it on. Her eyes opened at the hardness beneath her and she didn't know why she did not expect it. It made her nervous suddenly yet simultaneously implemented an overwhelming feeling of pride and power. It was something she couldn't name but it only fueled her desire further. 

Letting out a low whimper, Nancy noticed he still wasn't kissing her. She turned her head slightly to look at him and she was surprised to see something comparable to predatory staring back at her. Nancy had never been so turned on in her life and was certain she would explode without some sort of lapse in the tension. As if he was reading her mind he moved his hand from her waist and up to the strap of her sundress, slowly sliding it down. The movement was simple and innocent but incredibly sensual.

As Jonathan pressed his lips to her bare shoulder, she let out another long sigh and fluttered her eyelids shut once more. She lazily dropped her head back, her long locks tickling the bare skin of her open-backed sundress. Jonathan's path of soft kisses drifted from her shoulder and across her collarbone.

 _"Jonathan..._ " Nancy groaned, tightening her grip on his shoulders.

Up until that point they had kept their hands on the more decent parts of one another but Nancy couldn't take much more teasing, no matter how much she was enjoying it. As Jonathan slid down the other strap of her dress, she seized his hand and moved it to her chest. Although Nancy was pleasantly surprised with how ardent Jonathan was being so far, it wasn't enough. She guessed he was too timid to pass into more intense territory without a push. Nancy moaned in satisfaction as Jonathan cupped her breast through the fabric of her dress. He lifted it in the palm of his hand, massaging it gently. 

Nancy glanced down at his hand on her chest and then back up to calculate him. She was unsure of what she would find staring back at her regardless of how much he had surprised her already. Though his eyes were still dark with lust, there was a touch of uncertainty there. Nancy realized he was probably nervous and unsure and hell, so was she, but she wanted this far too much to allow their nerves to interfere. Nancy wiggled her shoulders gently and manipulated her arms, shaking herself free from the straps. The only thing holding the top of her dress now was Jonathan's hand on her chest. Without taking her eyes off of his, she lifted his hand off of her breast, the dress falling away with it. She felt the goosebumps that never dissipated fully intensify and she swore Jonathan cursed under his breath as he bit his lip. 

It was in incredible feeling, to allow someone to see the most intimate parts of you. Although Nancy had done this once before, she felt far more like a woman in this moment in time than she ever had. The connection she felt to Jonathan was a rare one and it both thrilled her and scared her to death. 

She slowly brought his hand to her lips, kissing the tips of his fingers before taking one into her mouth with a soft suck. She guided his finger deeper into her mouth and moved her tongue around it slowly. She hadn't the slightest clue where this forthright side of her was coming from but she didn't dare allow herself time to dwell on it or she would lose her nerve. Jonathan's hips lifted upward in response as she ground herself downward. They were both surprised by their vocal moans as she released his finger with a pop. 

The dress was bunched around her waist now, completely exposing her naked torso to him. Her cheeks flushed with arousal and she grinned sheepishly when she fully understood the effect she was having on him. His eyes were slicked with fervor and his hair was sticking up in every direction. She wanted to tell him how beautiful she thought he was but her words were failing her. Her exhales left her lips in short bursts as they stared at one another in breathless silence. Nancy was beginning to think he was stalling because he didn't want to go all the way with her and she cringed at the bitter pang of rejection that stabbed her in the gut. 

"Are you sure you want this? With me?" Jonathan's voice cracked and it sounded as though he were pained to ask, like he had been working up the courage to ask the entire time. 

The fear of rejection was replaced with a guilt so heavy she had to fight the urge to wince. The rain had slowed to a steady drizzle and the lack of background noise made her very aware of how exposed they both were right now, physically and emotionally. She wasn't sure if she did something to make him feel as though she didn't want this, _want him_ , but she needed to fix it.

Nancy watched the unsteady rise and fall of Jonathan's chest and moved her hand from his thigh and slipped it up and under his damp t-shirt to place it against his chest. More specifically, his heart. She held it there for a few long seconds, just feeling the beat of his heart under her finger tips and she hoped the gesture was enough to convince him that she was more than sure she wanted this with him. Her plan must have worked because his lips crashed against hers, stealing the breath from her lungs. 

Jonathan sat fully upright, grasping the bottom of her thighs, lifting her higher onto his lap. Nancy moaned into his mouth, quivering in anticipation of what was about to happen. She gripped the edges of his shirt and clumsily pulled it over his head, seizing the moment to catch her breath. As soon as his shirt was tossed to the side, their bare chests collided for the first time in a carnal kiss. The sensation of her breasts pressed against his slick and heated chest was exquisite. 

"I want...you..." Nancy whispered her broken and throaty demand each time his mouth left hers for her neck.

Releasing a soft moan, Jonathan slid his hands greedily up her thighs, dangerously close to the heart of her desire. Nancy untangled her hands from his unruly hair and fumbled them between the two of them to the button on the front of his jeans. His arousal was pressing uncomfortably against her own and she couldn't wait for there to be nothing between them. Nancy let out a whimper of frustration when her efforts to undo his pants failed. Jonathan laughed timidly and moved his hands between them to help her. The combination of the lust and softness in his eyes was exhilarating and Nancy was sure she would never forget it. 

Nancy's legs shook as she lifted herself off of their awkward position, allowing him to squirm out of his jeans. She seated herself again with a heavy slump and raked her hands over his bare chest. She was completely gone, her want had finally consumed her. There was no turning back now. She dragged her hands down his taught chest and in one confident motion, placed her hand on his hardness and gently squeezed it. 

Breaking their kiss in a harsh gasp, Jonathan dropped his head to rest it on her shoulder. Nancy moved her hand to graze it over his groin and palmed it once more. Jonathan bit into her shoulder hard enough where there would surely be a mark. He was inflating her ego to the point where he could mark up her whole body and she wouldn't care. This was it Nancy thought, finally. She clutched the hem of his boxers, savoring the moment. Her chest was heaving from their exertions and she could feel herself soaking through her underwear and onto his boxers. She rose up onto her wobbly knees once more and started to pull back his boxers when Nancy's heart shattered in her chest like it was made of porcelain. Jonathan's grip on her waist and thighs tightened dramatically and it looked like he had turned to stone. A tapping on the driver's side window paralyzed them both. 

* * *

 

 

 

Her mouth was dry. Her mouth was so incredibly dry. She had never been so thirsty in her life. She opened her eyes slowly but the world around her was too blurry to make anything out of it. She rubbed the sleep-like gunk away from her lids and blinked until she could see adequately. She was freezing, and _so_ very thirsty. She sat up with a groan and held her hand on her neck to support the crippling weight of her head. _There had been an accident_. Nancy gasped as everything came rushing back to her. The explosion and the scalding hot flames and screams that followed. 

There was a woman and her young daughter, wailing for help as the flames consumed their overturned vehicle. Nancy wondered if they made it out okay. Wait, had she made it out okay? She ripped the blanket off of her and examined herself thoroughly.  She frantically ran her hands down her arms and legs, and then her torso, ensuring herself she wasn't paralyzed or injured in any way. Not a scratch. She had been lucky then. She was naked however, under her blanket. Why wasn't she wearing a hospital gown? It was then that she noticed her room was rather bare and dismal. Where was her family? The doctors? She assumed she was in the hospital but it was eerily quiet now that she focused her attention on it. 

She climbed out of the bed carefully, her joints cracking and knees weak. She sombered over to the door on the far side of her room and scanned the walls for a clock but there was none. Something wasn't right but she felt no fear, only curiosity. The hallway outside of her room was dark and she could see her reflection in the window on the door. Her skin was paler than ever and the bags under her eyes had never been more prominent. She pressed her finger tips to the cool glass and stared back at her uncanny muse. She lowered her hand to the knob, half expecting it to be locked. When it turned with ease in her hand, she pushed it open. She poked her head outside in the long dark hallway, looking right and then left.

"Hello?" Nothing.

Nancy realized she wasn't wearing anything but her skin and turned to search the room for something to cover herself with. There was no sign of the clothes she had been wearing at the time of the crash and no hospital gowns either. She settled for the blanket on her bare bed and draped it around herself. The tiled floor was cold under her bare feet as she ascended down the empty hallway. The overhead lights at the end of the corridor flickered menacingly and Nancy headed for those. 

"Mom? Dad? Mike?" Nancy inquisitively called out her family members name's growing increasingly concerned as to why they weren't by her bedside when she awoke from a car accident. 

The light at the end of the hallway grew brighter and Nancy slowed her steps. For the first time since she woke up, she was afraid. It was like she had been comatose until that very moment and now her adrenaline was in full swing. To the left was another passageway and straight ahead was a bright exit sign. Nancy had a bad feeling about the desolate hospital and determined she should get out and try to find her family. Just before she could reach the exit sign, she saw movement in the corner of her eye. She backed up instinctively and receded to the darkness until she could identify the source.  

The movement she realized, were shadows. Shadows of figures on the wall opposite of a room with what appeared to have a large observation window. She inched herself closer to the shadows, as to not draw attention to herself. She poked her head around the corner just enough to see inside of the room. It was the only part of the hospital that had any lights on that she had seen so far. That was the first thing she noticed. The second thing she noticed was the very obvious number of doctors in the room with what appeared to be a patient on the bed. A boy, a young boy. Maybe around Mike's age. She could not see his face though, only his bare abdomen and jawline. 

The doctors were moving around one another fluidly while vigorously scribbling in their notepads. Some were operating the complex machinery that lined the walls of the exam room. Hundreds of knobs, buttons and flashing lights. Nancy wondered what these machines were for and what could possibly be so wrong with this boy that he needed so many specialists. He must be very sick she thought. 

There was one doctor in particular that Nancy kept going back to. He had piercing white hair and two large claw-like scars that started on his forehead and descended the length of his face and neck. She shivered, not wishing to know what kind of animal would give someone a scar like that. She had only ever known of one in particular. Her curiosity was getting the best of her now and she wanted to get a better look at the boy. She moved closer to the glass, raising herself up onto her tiptoes attempting to see over the tall men that surrounded him. Just like that, one of the doctors moved away and she could clearly see his face. He was awake and staring at the ceiling. He looked frightened but also as though he were used to whatever it is they were doing to him. He was naked as well, other than the sheet draped over his midsection. Was he sick? Where was he? Where was she? _Was she dead_? Oh my god, was she dead? 

The boy turned then, and looked directly at her. Like he knew she had been there the entire time and was waiting for the opportune moment to make eye contact. Nancy gasped, startled by his unexpected glare. She pulled the sheet up and around herself tightly, suddenly feeling very self conscious. The boy never took her eyes off of her though. She stared back at the devastatingly familiar face until she surmised that she did indeed know him. How could she be so foolish. The boy was Will Byers. She hadn't seen him since he was 12 years old, that's why she hadn't immediately recognized him.

"Will!" Nancy instinctively yelled his name and tapped vigorously on the glass. 

His eyes widened dramatically and shook his head at her. She had given herself away. Every pair of eyes in the room were on her now but the ones that scared her the most were the ones behind the terrifying scar. Nancy turned to run without another thought and bolted down the hallway towards the exit sign. She reached the door and slammed on it's handle with all of her weight but it didn't budge. Just then a piercingly loud alarm resounded through the long and empty hallway. The echo nearly deafening her. Nancy would have held her hands over her ears but they were wrapped around body holding up the sheet.

Her eyes darted wildly, searching for an escape as she heard the voices getting closer to her. Nancy cried out in terror as she realized she was trapped. She didn't know who or what she should be afraid of or what this place was but the malevolent feeling that was weighing down on her was not to be reckoned with. Nancy doubled over with one hand on the wall and the other clutching her breasts with the sheet as she attempted to catch her breath. She was having a panic attack. The footsteps and voices grew closer but she couldn't move her feet. She was completely overpowered and numb with fear. The men appeared then, stopping ten feet from her when they realized she was no real threat. The menacing man with the scar smiled dangerously at her and tread towards her with predatory intentions. 

The sound of her gasping attempts to catch her breath could be heard over the blaring alarm and Nancy knew she was in terrible trouble. She fell to her knees in a heap of useless bones and clutched her chest as she stared up at the man who she was positive was going to harm her. She closed her eyes tightly like she had done since she was a child when she was frightened. There was something comforting about not being able to see the thing that scares you even though you know it's still there, waiting for you. She squeezed her eyes tighter and tighter until there was only a crushing bright red light behind her eyes. 

When she opened them again she was still gasping for air but this time she was suspended upside down in her car. Her ears were ringing combatively and the bitter taste of iron flooded her mouth. Blood, there was blood everywhere and it was so incredibly _hot_. There was blood on the deflated white of the air bag and all over the shattered glass that was sprinkled around her. She let out of whimper of pain when she tried to release her seat belt to free herself from the wreck but couldn't. Her right arm was definitely broken and the left was pinned by the crushed up door. She released another cry of agony and frustration when she realized she was likely stuck there until responders freed her. Blood trickled from the gash on her chin and ran up her cheeks until it stopped when it reached her eye. _The red._ She watched the sky from her suspended position as a flock of birds flew over and she desperately wished she was one of them. 

Nancy screamed as a small explosion sent debris spewing across the road and into her line of sight. A muffler and other various car parts skidded across the dead highway as small bundles of flames pattered down after. She was certain it was her car and that she would be burnt alive now but then remembered the other vehicle in the wreck. She hadn't caused the accident, the car in front of her did. The car that exploded seemingly out of nowhere. Nancy could hear the screams of another woman and a child. It was faint but she could hear it. 

"Help." Nancy wept out another pitiful cry but it was inaudible. "Help!"

"Help! Please somebody, help me! Please _god_...help me." She wasn't sure if she were choking on blood, her sobs or both but she was certain this is how she would die and all she could see was his face.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my favorite chapter so far but I'm realizing there's still so much story to tell and that we're just getting started so not every chapter is going to have a wow-factor. Let me know what you guys think of the direction so far, as always your reviews are my motivation. Also, thank you for your continuing patience and understanding with how long it takes me to update. You guys are the best. #SeasonTwoCantComeSoonEnough


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ: If anyone suffers PTSD from a car crash, please skip the beginning of this chapter if you're triggered by images or descriptions of motor vehicle accidents. I don't describe violence in great detail that often but it's a warning for those who need it.

  
**EIGHT**

 

 

 _The places that you've come to fear the most,_  
_Is the place that you have come to fear the most._

 

 

  
  
  
**June 11th, 1988**

 

 

The initial panic has subsided and acceptance began settling in. No one has come to their aid yet and the screams that are echoing from the opposite side of the highway are now dulled to quiet cries and dismal pleas. The pain that's radiating from her arm and head injury was enough to blind her at first, but is now acting as numbing agent. The human body is quite amazing when it's in distress and Nancy is thankful for that. She tries desperately to free herself for over thirty minutes and finally gives in to exhaustion. She hangs there loosely in suspension soundlessly, humming a drawled out tune to herself. Blood and perspiration dribble up her cheeks and blur her vision due to her inability to wipe it away. There is smoke and blood. There is _so_ much blood. On her arms, her hands and her shirt. She can feel it caked and layered on her face and in her hair. The combination of blood, smoke and adrenaline makes her want to vomit, and so she does. She spits and spits in attempt to rid the horrible taste from her mouth, but it's no use. _"God."_

While dangling, Nancy occasionally turns her head towards the other car, each time expecting to see the escaped passengers coming to free her. The scent of burning rubber and gasoline stings her throat every time she dry swallows the poor air quality. The smell and heat of it all is unbearable and she feels herself fading in and out of consciousness. She also knows that the key to surviving injuries is to stay awake, even though she still doesn't know the extent of them. She rotates her head towards the other car once more, wincing in misery. She thinks they will die soon, if they haven't already. The car had been engulfed in flames for close to an hour now. For all she knows, this could be her own last moments and with that realization she continues replaying thoughts of her failures and shortcomings. For someone who gave up so often she doesn't want to die and will give anything to see her family one last time. To see him.

It takes her several minutes to comprehend her own sobbing. The heat of her tears is no competition for the sweltering atmosphere encapsulating her. Nancy's shoulders shake violently with every sob and it sends searing jolts of agony throughout her limp body. Her mind flashes over to the drink she had at Steve's party and wonders if she wouldn't have been driving so fast if it weren't for that. Maybe then she would have been able to avoid the wreck in front of her. Or perhaps it wasn't the drink at all that had lead to her being so reckless.

"Why...god... _why.._ " 

Nancy's whimpers are hushed by the whooshing sound of an approaching vehicle in the near distance. She silences herself and listens closely, trying to drown out the crackling sound of fire and crunching metal. The knowing sound grows louder and Nancy rejoices with relief. She squeaks out a half sob, half laugh knowing help is finally on the way. She squirms restlessly as she desperately tries to determine whether or not it was emergency responders or a civilian. She can't hear any sirens but she was just incredibly grateful _someone_  is coming. Maybe she will survive this after all. 

Glass crunches under tires as the vehicles come to a stop. She distinctly hears more than one car and she chokes out a sigh in elation. Coughing harshly, she clears the blood and smoke from her lungs. "Here! I'm here!" 

Car doors are slamming and shoes are scraping the scattered debris over the pavement. There's low male voices and a single high pitched one indicating a woman in the group. Nancy can hear the sound of a hose, or maybe a fire extinguisher putting out the blaze that had been broiling near her. Why hasn't anyone checked to see if she is okay yet? Another set of vehicles pull up followed by more car doors slamming and the pattering of footsteps. Panic pools back into her gut as she frantically wonders why they hell no one is helping her. She stares out the broken windshield and up at the clear, blue summer sky in confusion. "Hello! Help! _I'm here!_ "

Nancy cries out until she sees red while using all the strength she had left to twist her upper body, barely enabling her to see why they haven't even approached her wreck yet. Are the just attending to the fire? Do they think her vehicle is unoccupied? Why haven't they at least checked to see? White dots dance across her vision followed by dark smudges and she knows she doesn't have much time before she falls unconscious again. She needs to get their attention. She needs to _fight_. Her right arm is broken indefinitely but she can try to tear her arm out that is pinned in the door. 

A bite down onto the seat belt, a count to three and several guttural screams later, Nancy is able to pry her arm free. She leaves layers of flesh in the twisted metal behind in her wake. Blood pours from the fresh open wound and Nancy contests with everything she has to stay conscious. Thick, hot acid rises in her throat and she hacks once more. This time it's vomit and bile again. She turns her head and spits to the side, disbelieving this is actually happening to her. " _Jesus_..."

Clearing her throat, she spits one last time and snatches a piece of unidentifiable twisted metal. She smashs it onto the pavement over and over again. "Please! Help me! "Here! I'm here...help..." 

Her cries are hardly coherent through her howls of agony but it seems to finally be working. Two sets of footsteps approach her and the blood-soaked metal slips from her finger tips as she slumps back into her cocooned position, allowing her eyes to finally close. 

 

* * *

 

 

**May 26th, 1984**

 

 

She would never get the image out of her head of Chief Hopper shining his flashlight into the backseat of the car, she was certain of it. Or of Jonathan frantically scrambling to gather enough clothing to cover her naked torso while simultaneously using himself as a human shield for that matter. She couldn't decide on what was more agonizing, the chief probably seeing her naked, stumbling to get her clothes back on while Jonathan got rid of him _or_ knowing they had an entire car ride home to endure after coming _far_ too close to going all the way. 

 _'Saw that boyfriend of 'yers at the High School just before.'_ He had turned off the flashlight by then and regardless of his cheeky smirk, he was without a doubt judging her integrity. Nancy fucked up, big time. Not only had she betrayed Steve, but she betrayed everything she knew to be honest and _right._ She betrayed the way her Mother had raised her and above all, she betrayed her relationship with Jonathan. She quite clearly had no concept of self-control and neither Jonathan nor Steve deserved her unpredictability and utter lack of responsiblity.

Her skin was on fire. Like she had been soaked in gasoline and tossed into a fire. No, she was being crushed. _Yes_ , she was being stoned to death. Well, that's what it certainly felt like, that is. An all consuming fire paired with an unbearable weight. It's incredible how fast a moment can change. The body and the mind's capability to flip like a switch at any given time. Nancy's skin had been on fire in all the right ways just minutes earlier but now, _now_ \- it was an entirely different situation. Nancy's skin was ablaze with mortification and regret. The kind of regret and shame that is soul-crushing. She cradled her head in her hand against the passenger side door, more self-conscious now than she had ever been in her life. And _that_ was something. 

Silence. There was so much silence and Nancy braced herself against it because guilt is the biggest, most brutal thing to ever work your throat around. She was so ashamed of what had just happened. How did she let herself lose control like that? She had initiated it too. _She_ pushed him, _she_ encouraged him. Nancy couldn't even bring herself to look in his direction, let alone into his big brown eyes. She had no clue how she was going to break the torturous silence, but she didn't have to. 

"Please say something." His voice was strained and thick, obviously paining him to be the first to speak. 

Scooping her still sweat-soaked bangs up over her forehead, she cringed, reflecting on why they were even wet in the first place. She bit her thumbnail until it cracked while she peered at him under her loose hair that stuck to her damp shoulders. She watched him while he glanced at her using his peripherals, though he never turned his head completely. That small indication solidified that he knew what they had done was wrong as well. She hugged her arms around herself, pulling the strap of her dress up even higher, feeling more naked then than she was before in his backseat.

Nancy thought about responding with, _like what Jonathan?_ Or, _what did you expect?_   But instead she turned her gaze back out the window and pressed her forehead against the cool window, wishing she could just evaporate like the raindrops she watched trickle down the window. 

"He's not going to say anything, ya know." Jonathan cleared his throat and hit his blinker. They were just a block from her house. "And at some point, we're going to have to talk about... _this_...if not now, that's fine...but eventually.. _"_

"Oh, _so_ does that mean you're going to tell Steve or am I?" Nancy spat the reply with all the unnecessary venom in the world, all while never lifting her head off of the window. She squeezed her eyes shut tight knowing it was cruel. 

"Well Nancy he's not my boyfriend, he's yours...or _is_ he? Because I can't keep up anymore." Jonathan was quick to retaliate and Nancy's stomach sunk, shocked by his mirrored callousness. He was right, but she was angry now. 

"Don't be _confused,_ you're not my boyfriend either Jonathan!" She even surprised herself with how ugly she could be when she was backed into a corner.

"Yeah, I'm _well_ aware. Guys like me don't get girls like you. Trust me, I got that part." 

He slowed down just before her house, turning off his headlights like he always did. His eyes now leveled on her, darkened with irrefutable hurt. He looked as if he were literally biting his tongue. Like there was a million things we wanted to say to try and devastate her. Instead, he gave her one of the ugliest faces she had ever seen. It was an expression that required no words at all. 

Her heart was racing and her chest heaved silently. She wanted to kick and scream and throw an outright tantrum. It was an infuriating but completely justifiable response. Instead, she bit her lower lip and tilted her chin upward, rolling her eyes to the ceiling of the car as she fought tears. She would damned if he watched her cry right now.

"Tonight was a mistake." It felt like poison as it left her lips.

Jonathan's wounded expression hadn't faltered since her first hurtful comment. He blinked, "Yeah." 

"I think we should s-stay away from each other for a while." Nancy stuttered with evident contrition. Her heart felt like a black hole that was going to implode in on itself.

Jonathan didn't say another word after that. She waited ten seconds, twenty, and then a full minute. The all-knowing burn threatened the back of her eyes and she knew it was time to leave him. She grabbed her purse off of the floor and slowly opened the car door. She looked back at him before shutting the door, against her better judgement. His stare was blank but filled with dark emotion all at the same time. She couldn't bare another moment and slammed the door, taking off in a sprint through the rain towards her driveway. The downpour cooled the scorching in her skin but not her heart.

 

* * *

 

 

 

**June 11th, 1988**

 

 

During her mandatory Freshman year psychology class, Nancy was assigned what she thought at the time was an unusual topic for extra credit. She was instructed to research near-death experiences and interview a survivor if possible. She had no idea what that had to do with the id and ego but she was never one to turn down extra credit. The older woman she interviewed had actually flat-lined after drowning in only five feet of water. Nancy would sometimes lie awake at night, weeks and months after turning the assignment in, replaying the woman's story in her head. The _way_ she described what it was like to die. Specifically about how the "bright light" _did_ exist and she had to fight like hell not to go into it. Now Nancy had wondered if maybe that was the universe's way of warning her of things to come. 

After closing her eyes in the wreck, everything turned to infinite darkness and painful stillness. And then, just like that, everything is angelic white. She cannot feel her body or see anything other than a blinding white light all around her. There's a muffled humming in the distance but other than that, it was just _white._ Nancy is sure she has died. There is no other explanation. It was just too long for her to lay in the wreck with so much blood loss. Her brief pre-med school training kept her grounded through the entire experience which ultimately lead to her accepting it was just too much trauma for her small body to endure. 

But that was _then_. Now, she is more or less aware that she is lying in a hospital bed. She hasn't been able to open her eyes yet, whether it's due to medication or exhaustion, but she knows that's where she is. She deems this to be true because of the intense throbbing that rips through her entire body. The kind that starts in your toes and ends with the hairs on your head. Before she felt nothing, and now she feels  _everything_. Secondly, she can hear the familiar voices of her family around her. The bustling of a hospital, machines and monitors beeping, voices over intercoms and if she listens closely, an IV dripping. 

 

* * *

 

 

**June 12th, 1988**

 

 

She tries opening her eyes several times once she figures out where she is but is unsuccessful. Nancy thinks it's because she just isn't ready yet. Not yet ready in a sense that she is enjoying the serenity of the darkness, regardless of the morbidity of the situation. She shifts her eyes back and forth, willing to face her reality and find out if she will ever walk again. Or if she will now be consuming her meals through a goes dark again. She waits ten seconds before trying once more, this time a searing light and blurred figures appear around her. Her eyes adjust much faster than she thought they would. The blob of big, bouncing hair and another with fishbowl glasses move towards her eagerly. 

"Nancy...oh Nancy...sweetie! Oh my god! You're awake...Jesus...you scared us to death." Her Mother collapses next to her bedside, taking her hand in hers. She can feel the indentation of her face being pressed into the mattress as her Mother sobs. 

Everything is much clearer now and Nancy can see near perfectly. Her Father kneels down next to her Mother and rests his hands on her leg. She could feel his touch. _She could feel his touch._ She starts sobbing too, quietly acknowledging at the very least, she isn't paralyzed. Her eyes move around the room, taking everything in. So far there is only her Mother and Father in the room with her. Her eyes fall onto the clock on the wall which reads 10:19. It's useless though, because she has no idea what day it was or whether it was morning or evening. 

"This has been such a nightmare, we're so glad you're awake...if something happened to you...I..." Her Father doesn't finish his sentence as he covers his mouth with his hand, wiping downward. His eyes are glistening behind his big glasses and Nancy's heart swells

"Mom...Dad...I'm...I'm s-so sorry. I-I'm so sorry...the car..I.." Nancy coughs, the fire in her throat still blazing. 

"No! No, you stop that right now. Forget the car, are you kidding? God that is just like you." Her Mother laughs through her tears as she squeezes Nancy's hand tightly. 

"We all thought we lost you." Her Father's voice is low and the remorse floods her. She's the one who had almost died and yet she feels guilty for putting her parents through it all. 

"I love you guys." Nancy musters a weak smile but the intense drought in her mouth makes her wince. 

"We love you too, so, _so_ very much." Nancy's Mother places a gentle palm against her cheek, tracing the outline of what she assumes is a cut or bruise. 

"Ah! There she is! You're one of the toughest, and quite honestly, the luckiest patients I've ever had." A beaming middle aged male doctor erupts into the room with tenacity.

Nancy attempts to pull herself upward but cries out, completely spacing her injuries. She wiggles herself a little farther upright and coughs once more. "Ow."

"Woah, woah! Take it easy there killer. You've been awake for what, five whole minutes and you're already trying to run. You are going to have to take it _way_ easy for a while kid." 

 _How long was a while?_ Nancy is terrified to know the extent of her injuries. "What _exactly_ happened to me, doctor?" 

The doctor crosses the room and flicks on the light behind the X-Ray board and places two sheets on it. He turns and smiled, "Call me Jack, Dr. Jack Henderson."

Where had she heard that name before? Her groan interrupts her thoughts as pain shoots down her shoulder and into her hip. 

"Dr. Henderson...Jack, has been very helpful the last twenty four hours. He's kept us in the loop every step of the way. We're really so grateful to you all." Nancy's Mother squeezes her hand firmly again, another tear rolling down her cheek. 

"It's my job Mrs. Wheeler and we may take an oath that states we're supposed to treat all patients the same but if I'm being honest, that just doesn't fly when the patient is close in age with my son. Hits close to home right?" He smiles vibrantly and redirects their attention to the X-Rays. _Here we go_.

"So Miss Wheeler, you suffered one fracture in your right forearm. Clean break though, it should heal within six to eight weeks. You'll need to come back in a week or so to have the hard cast put on. Your left shoulder was dislocated which we already reset. We put forty stitches in your left arm as well. It looked like you were mauled by a bear when they brought you in. Can you remember how that happened?"

She ignores his question. "And my legs? Was there internal bleeding? And my head? I know I hit my head pretty hard when the car rolled, and-" 

"You suffered only a minor concussion considering the extent of the overall trauma. There were no major injuries to your legs and no internal bleeding, but..." The doctor removed the X-Rays and switches the light back off. He places them back into her chart and moves to the end of her bed.

"But...?" Nancy's hoarse voice cracks with the exertion. 

"-But, because you're no longer a minor we can't withhold medical information from you. So with that being said, against your Mother advising me not to, I do have to tell you that you were declared dead on arrival when you got to the hospital by ambulance. We were able to revive you soon enough though and there is no permanent damage that we're aware of so far." His eyes are melancholy and his is voice soft, like it's some of the worst news he's ever given. 

Three sets of eyes are watching her intently, waiting for the impending breakdown. But it never comes. Her Mother strokes her hand with her thumb. "I know." Nancy whispers.

 "You know-" Her Mother's inquiry is interrupted by Mike and Holly who have suddenly appeared in the doorway with snacks and soda. 

"Nancy!" Holly drops her snacks on the ground and rushes to her bedside, throwing her small torso over Nancy's good shoulder. She still grimaces and Mike pulls her off gently. 

Mike's expression is delicate and he exhales with what seems to be relief and smiles. "Glad you're not dead." 

"Michael!" Her Mother and Father sing in unison.

"Mom, it's fine." Nancy smiles weakly and fiddles with the IV wire that is draped over her. She's silently grateful for their interruption.

She softly places her bandaged hand in Holly's small one and smiles generously. She doesn't feel like explaining how she knew she had been dead, even for just a short time. It's just too, _heavy_ right now. Not to mention she literally feels like she has been hit by a car, no pun.

Two other figures are huddled in the doorway, not crossing into the threshold however. She recognizes them almost immediately, even though it has been quite some time since she's seen them last. It was Dustin and Lucas. They waive timidly when her eyes meet theirs. God, they have gotten _so_ tall. Nancy can't fight the warmness that encompasses her that so many people give a crap about her accident. Sometimes it takes something drastic, like a serious car accident to open your eyes to what you have.

Another doctor appears in her room with a floor-length lab coat, longer than Dr. Henderson's and with platinum blonde hair. He's wearing a strange uniform under the lab coat, like he doesn't work in the hospital. He looks out of place. He keeps his head low, his eyes strenuously sweeping over his clipboard. Nancy watches him carefully, nausea and dread immediately washing over her and she hopes it's the morphine drip. Dr. Henderson and her parents' voices turn to muffled drawls as she hones in on the mysterious man. 

"Who are you?" Nancy clears her throat and locks her eyes on the questionable stranger. 

Dr. Henderson swirls around and waives at him, obviously not noticing he was in the room. "Hello Dr. DeSoto. Nancy, this is the man who drove by the wreck and called it in on his cellular phone. Luckily for you he's a doctor from a few towns over and he just so happened to have one of those portable phones with him. He may have saved your life." 

Dr. DeSoto? She's definitely heard that name before. He barely looks up from his clipboard to acknowledge the praise and he is blatantly uncomfortable. His lips upturn briefly in a fake smile before resting them in a flat line once more.  _Where_ had she seen him before? The familiarity is killing her.

There is one major issue with this explanation though - no one had simply _driven by_ her accident. Multiple people had shown up to the scene, stopped, and didn't help her or even recognize her pleas before she fell unconscious. 

"So what about the other car then? "Those other people? I literally _died_ because you waited so long." Nancy cuts through the chatter around her, staring the man down. The beeping of her monitor next to her quickens rapidly.

"Nancy...I...she's tired you'll have to forgive-" 

"No. This man and...and his friends...or...or people I don't know...but they left me there. I was dying and you were too busy to ev-"

"Nancy there was no other car. We got the call for a single car crash and single passenger." Dr. Henderson smoothly interrupts her and places his hands on her ankles, watching her curiously. 

"-Even...what? Yes, yes there was! That's the whole reason I crashed! Is this some kind of joke?" The monitor continues to beep faster and Nancy feels her heart rate and blood pressure rising.

"Nancy I need you to calm down." Dr. Henderson rises and moves around to her bedside, looking at her monitor. A nurse enters the room as well, pushing passed everyone. 

"Mom, there was another car! It, it burst into flames in front of me. It...it hit something that I couldn't see and then it went up in flames. I swerved to avoid the accident that's the whole reason I'm laying in this fucking bed!" The monitor is beeping wildly now and her parents stand, her Mother beginning to cry again while Mike appears stunned. 

"You were drinking and speeding Nancy, that's why you crashed." Her Father's tone is shaky with his explanation.

"I had ONE drink! Are you fucking kidding me! Why isn't anyone listening to me! I can't just imagine the screams and cries of a fucking child burning alive next to me." Tears pour down her face with incredulous frustration. What is going on?  What the _hell_  is going on? 

Dr. DeSoto moves closer to her and Nancy screams with indignation. "You _stay_ away from me! I know you! I know who you are! I've seen you before! You...you were with Will! Will Byers. You, you were doing experiments on him...I saw it with my own eyes!" Nancy's IV tears from her arm and the wire whips clean across the room. 

"Nancy if you don't try and relax right now we will have to sedate you. You're too weak to be this worked up. You're experiencing some concussion side effects and you're confused. It's very normal after-"

"I believe her. Nancy, I believe you. It was an empty lab right? Where you saw Will? Is that where you saw him?" Mike moves closer to her bed with wild, pleading eyes. 

"God, I just can't anymore." Nancy's Mother buries her face in her hands, scurrying out of the room. Her Father follows suit. 

Another nurse enters the room with a loaded syringe and Nancy knows what is coming next. "No! No! Stay away from me! Get away!" 

Nancy has lost all sense of self and control at that point. She's hysterical, thrashing violently as Dr. Henderson and three nurses attempt to steady her for the needle that is coming at her. She slams her bad shoulder and cries out as she continues to fight the sedation.

"Mike! He was afraid! He, he told me to run! It's not over! He tried to warn me! It's not over!  _Mike_!" 

Mike is shoved forcibly out of the way by another nurse with long Velcro straps that she hands to the doctor. He brings his hands to his face in horror as he watches his big sister being restrained to a hospital bed like she is some kind of deranged psychopath.

"Mike...don't let them...don't..make sure you.." Drugs are a powerful thing. 

One muscle at a time, she loses all power of speech and ability to fight them off any longer. Before her eyes are forced shut by the medication, Nancy makes sure to look him in the eyes, vowing to herself she will get an explanation even if it kills her all over again.

* * *

 

  
**June 13th, 1988**

 

 

She has one of the worst tastes in her mouth she can ever remember having. She licks her lips but it's no use, the inside of her mouth was like an ill-attended houseplant. Nancy winces in discomfort, slowly piecing the chain of events of her memory together. Steve's house, the accident, the blood and smoke, the terror, waking up, more terror, the sedation. She lolls her head from the right to the left, looking for the clock on the wall as if it mattered. Her eyes halt on a blurry figure sitting in one of the chairs next to her bedside. Craddled in his hands, is his full head of messy brown hair. He's unaware she's awake it seems. She stares in disbelief a little longer, thinking it  must be a side effect of the sedation.

Much like deciding against skipping a perfectly flat rock against a dead calm lake, she doesn't want to disturb the sight of it. She's unsure of where her family is or why him of all people is sitting beside her but the overwhelming comfort that comes with it is enough to lull her back to sleep. She strains to keep her eyes open just a little longer, stealing as much of the sight as she can. She makes a small noise in the back of her throat and his head snaps up at the tiny sound. They lock eyes for a few short seconds before the medication proves once again to be too powerful. 

_"Nancy?"_

 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting there guys! Finally a real plot is on the horizon! It's taken a while to build up, like I promised it would! But now we're going to start getting into the weird stuff. Like what exactly caused that crash that Nancy was in and what kind of repercussions is it going to have on the town? Let's not forget that portal was never actually closed.
> 
> And honestly Jon and Nancy, you two are the most stubborn people I've ever met. Why can't you just sit down and talk about your feelings? Hehe. Teaser: Pretty soon they're going to have no choice but to face everything. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Xoxo


	9. Chapter 9

**NINE**

 

 _You don't want to be here in the future_  
_So you say the present's just a pleasant,_  
_Interruption to the past_

 

 

 

**June 13th, 1988**

 

 

Nancy is unable to recall a time where she had slept so much in her life, save for maybe when she had mono as a kid and even that is a reach. She feels like she's been asleep for days, which she very well could've been. She's warily mindful that she's awake, but doesn't want to open her eyes just yet. Facing her reality again after the sedation is less than desirable. 

The past day or so has been a blur. Between the sedatives in conjunction with her injuries and emotional state, it's impossible to clearly distinguish the fuzzy the line between nightmare and reality. Over the span of hours and days, there had been familiar voices and then there were others that she didn't recognize. There were mundane hospital sounds mixed with the screams echoing like a broken record player over her tumultuous thoughts.

She thinks of him and speculates whether or not he had actually been there in the room with her at all. If he had been, she has no idea of when exactly that was. Time didn't have much baring when you were confined to a hospital bed. 

Nancy also thinks of her incredibly vivid nightmare the day of the accident, if that's what she could even call it. She wonders if perhaps she had been in that place after all. No one around here had provided her with any palpable answers about what happened since she had woken up. Mike seemed scared, like actually scared when she described to him what she saw. And that man, that strange man who paced the length of her room with the clipboard. She had definitely seen him in her vision. What did that mean? She's left with far more questions than answers since she left for Steve's party. 

Groaning against the light that penetrates through the considerably large window for a hospital room, she fights the delicate and fatigued muscles of her eyes. She swallows the hardened lump of worry in her throat and tries to let go of it for the time being. Her lazy vision sweeps the room and she's relieved to note that she's alone this time. A throng of colors in her peripherals draws her attention and she winces against the aggressive cracking in her neck. A bouquet of flowers sits on the end table with the names _Steve and Aubrey_  written in messily on the tag. Typical male handwriting. She smiles weakly at the gesture but fights the impulse to smash them onto the floor all the same.

She thinks that perhaps she's been given a second chance and it eventually leads to her to mulling over how much she has essentially taken for granted over the years. She can cast shade on her nuclear family all she wants but deep down she's always known she's had it better than most. She spent the better part of her adolescence and early adulthood presuming that she deserved better, that there was something better out there for her, something better than Hawkins. Her heart sinks at the realization of how wrong she has been about it all. Her eyes well with tears realizing it has taken such a close call for her to comprehend all of this in it's entirety. It was time to grow up.

There's still been no update on the occupants of the other vehicle, despite everyone telling her it was a single car crash. What she _does_  know is that she has lived through the accident, a _survivor._ She flexes her shoulder, inducing discomfort intentionally. The pain meant that she is very much _alive_  .

* * *

 

 

**June 17th, 1988**

 

 

The effects of the potent medications she was pumped full of since the accident are finally out of her system and a new sensation has replaced it;  _pain._ All-encompassing and very real _pain_. Nancy is so uncomfortable most of the time that she literally tried ripping her arm out of the sling and a nurse had threatened sedation again. She's bored to tears and sick to death of looking at the same dismal wallpaper and bland curtains everyday. Not to mention it just smelled like _death_ constantly. She feels she's ready to be discharged but they had kept her for an extra few days. _Precautionary_ they had called it. Regardless, she's unable to shake the feeling that something else could be at large.

The fussing and panic finally subsided and her parents finally didn't feel the need to _live_ at her bedside. Nancy is grateful for her room to breathe. The doctors, nurses, and even herself reassured them tenfold that she would be just fine alone for a while. If there's anything in the world that Nancy needs and appreciates the most, it's her space and independence, regardless of the situation. 

Despite her gratitude for the isolation from them, she's still disturbed over her parents forbidding Mike to see her until she returned home from the hospital. Her Mother had said something along the lines of, ' _well you two haven't exactly been on the best terms since you got home so we think some space is for the best right now.'_ Followed by a bogus excuse for his outburst. She knew nothing, as she has always known nothing when it came to their secret. It is imperative that she and Mike lay everything out on the table. No more lies, no more discretion. Something has the both of them seriously freaked out and it isn't a coincidence.

Nancy's thoughts are disrupted by a gentle knock on her door frame. She glances up from her pile of magazines to meet the Chief's warm expression. For such an abrasive man, he usually appears very inviting when he drops the tough-guy pretense. She raises her eyebrows in curiosity. She's only seen him in passing these last few years. Time however still hasn't chipped away at the unmitigated shame she still feels about  _that night._

"Hey." Nancy's voice cracks and she clears her throat, tossing the open magazine to the side and blinking away the memory.

"I'm not interrupting anything am I?" The Chief removes his hat and places it to his chest.

Nancy scoffs in sarcastic amusement, "Right. Let me guess, my parents sent you." It comes off strong, so she smiles feebly. 

"Actually no, I'm wondering if we can chat for a few minutes. I came by a couple times already but you were out cold."

He drags a chair from the opposite side of the room and slides it next to her bed, taking a seat. She winces at the shrill pitch of metal scraping the tile.

 _Out cold._ She shutters."Oh, okay...yeah sure. What's up? 

Releasing what appears to be a long pent up sigh, he finally speaks. "How have you been doing?" 

He moves his thumbs in circles in his lap and he looks afflicted. How does she respond to a question like this where the answer seems so clear? How does he think she is doing? 

"I'm fine, sore, tired...bored _,_ but fine." Nancy fumbles a corner of a magazine, keeping her eyes low.

He emits something like a soft chuckle. "I meant in general kid. It's been awhile." 

Her eyes lift slowly to meet the dark circles under his own. Nancy has a hard time admitting to herself how she's feeling, but regardless she doesn't immediately respond with her default set of lies. Instead she purses her lips and raises her eyebrows knowingly in the warmth of his gaze. There is no logic in lying here.

He acknowledges her response with a similar twist of his own lips. His head dips marginally in a nod and clears his throat. "It's to my knowledge," he pauses "that you still haven't given a full report of the incident. We know that the state police stopped by here a few times but they were thankfully turned away. All they do is make a fuckin' mess out of everything. I was just hoping you could fill in the gaps for me instead." Chief Hopper leans forward, fumbling the decal on his sheriff hat, his symbol of leadership, before meeting her confused gaze.

"Gaps?"

"I guess there was mention of another car? When responders got there, it was only you, only your car and-" 

Voice splintering with conviction, Nancy sneers a caustic laugh.  "Listen, I _know_ what I saw and I'm not going to keep explaining this shit because _everyone_ thinks I'm crazy. Or, or a drunk. I had one drin-" 

The Chief raises his hand as to silence her, staring firmly into her eyes. There is something about his heightened expression that daunts her. Her chest is heaving silently and slowly, plainly reacting to the accusation. 

"I'm not saying you're crazy Nancy. That's not what I'm saying at all. We’ve been dealing with a...situation. I just have some questions that's all." He pauses again. "You'd be s'prised at what I'd believe at this point." His glare is all too knowing and she acknowledges deep down that she'd be a fool not to trust him either.

Unsure of how to field the questions, Nancy continues to focus on the Chief's steady gaze. A situation? Should she even bother asking? He’ll likely disclose nothing to her. The groggy gears of her mind are working overtime. She's trying to process the thick and bizarre atmosphere that has suddenly settled over the sounds of the hospital equipment. 

"So, so w-what exactly do you want from me then? What can I do? I...I don't even really live here anymore." Nancy stumbles, raising her free hand to her chest and splaying them over her quickening heart rate.

"Well, you're not the only with questions for starters.” His eyes are leveled on her own and any sense of warmness that had previously been there is replaced with something portentous. 

It is then she realizes that there is a mutual and unspoken understanding between the two of them. The one that she used to have with Mike, and with Jonathan. While everything felt like it was crashing down around her, there is an odd sense of comfort that blurs the line between safety and danger here. Despite everything that happened in Hawkins, she sometimes neglects to remember that she isn't the only one _desperately_ trying to keep a terrible secret and smooth out the wrinkles in her life in the fallout of it all. Jim Hopper has kept the dreadful occurrence from the public for the most part and she had been mostly grateful for that. In the beginning, she was cold and distrustful of his decision to keep it away from the public because of Barb. She knew that by _protecting_ Will, Joyce and the rest of them, also brought  _injustice_ for her late friend.

Nancy is also tuned into the dismal truth of how much the chief has probably suffered since the last time they really spoke. He took the brunt of terrible situation and was ultimately left to deal with some very concerned citizens, unexplained missing persons and a conspiracy like no other. She never really gave the chief's inevitable suffering after it all much thought before and now her empathy runs deep.

She clears her throat again and evens out her tone. "Where do you want me to start?" 

His response is raspy and thick with burden. "From the beginning."

 

* * *

 

 

**May 26th, 1984**

 

Red. All she could see was red. A crimson canvas that filtered her vision which emulated the raw indignation that would surely consume her if she didn't calm herself. Thick, relentless raindrops pelted the bare skin of her shoulders and her already soaking wet hair. Her sandals slapped against the wet pavement and sprayed water up the back of her dress but she couldn't hear anything other than the rushing vigor of the storm and the sound of her abysmal breathing.

She had taken off running towards her house after she slammed the car door because the look he had given her was the most loathsome she had ever had the displeasure of being on the receiving end of. She had _so_ much left to say to him. The conversation was far from over and he had to know it too, he _had_ to. She refused to believe that he meant what he said to her because she immediately regretted the terribly offensive things she had. She was frenzied following it all and she let her impulse cloud her judgement.

Nancy charged up her driveway and reached the short walkway which lead to the front door. An ugly sob suddenly ripped through her and she nearly gagged on it. She didn't know if they would ever come back from that and the emotion that followed the recognition was agonizing, but Nancy refused to name the reasoning behind it. 

She threw open her front door so hard that it hit the adjacent wall and ricocheted back with such a force that it almost hit her in the face. She then remembered her entire family was over for dinner and there were approximately twelve or thirteen very startled faces staring back at her. One of which was _Steve_. Her Mother had invited Steve without telling her. Steve was here, in her home, this entire time. While she was, _elsewhere._

She was soaked to the bone but also certain either way that it was obvious she had been crying. Breath ragged, she calmly but firmly closed the front door behind her. Her relatives as well as Steve stared back at her in bewilderment and her Mother was already crossing the length of the dining room in concern. "Nancy?" 

Her Mother and Steve's voices rang out in unison and she already knew what was coming next. Steve pushed himself up and away from the table with a force that sent his fork bouncing off the table and onto the floor. 

"I...I'm not feeling very well, I'm...I...I'm going to go to bed." Regardless of the heavy strain in her voice she knew it wouldn't placate either of them.

Her Mother had to know she never stood a chance. Nancy heaved herself up the stairs, skipping a step with each lunge and hurled herself into her bedroom. She clicked her door shut more gently than she would have liked to and dropped to all fours, sure she would vomit.

“Nancy!  _Nancy!”_

She couldn't face any of it right now, it was sensory overload. She drew her trembling hands up to her face, raking them down over her cheeks and biting down hard on her nails. The bounding of her heart was deafening, muffling the relentless call of her name from both her Mother and Steve. _Steve._ How would she ever explain it? She couldn't. No, _no_ she couldn't. He would _never_ forgive her and rightfully so. He didn't deserve the truth. The truth was too offensive and much too cruel. She would never be able to reveal _any_ of this to him. Lie, yes, that's what she'd do. _She would lie._  She gasped in exertion from the merciless anxiety that wracked her body. She was absolutely going to be sick. 

The pitch of her Mother's shriek meant she was definitely livid and she would normally have to explain herself immediately. Except, she wouldn't be explaining herself. There was no amount of relentless mothering or threats of groundings. She waited for the sound of a deep voice on the other side of the door but hushed confusion from the dining room was all she could make out. Nancy's Mother must have told him to leave her be and for that, she is grateful. She wasn't ready to illustrate how she had betrayed someome who trusted her. Who cared for her. 

She stared through the loose, dripping curls that swung gently in front of her face in her slumped position. She watched as the tiny water droplets beaded up and then silently fell to the floor. She scooped the mop-like spirals up and over the top of her head and squeezed her eyes shut tight. Despite the severity of the situation, she still thought of the way the rain water fell from the bridge of Jonathan's nose just before he had kissed her.

"What have I done." Barely a whisper, Nancy exhales the pained question into the stillness of her room. Her knees began to ache on the hard floor and so she rolled backwards on them, pushing herself up and back again, leaning against her bed dramatically. She was ill with disgust. She _hated_ herself. 

The cold rain water continued to drip slowly down her shoulder and followed the delicate curve of her spine. She shivered against the breeze that swept through her open window and tucked her knees up, hugging her arms around herself for comfort. Tears fell silently but steadily from her eyes, splattering against the tops of her knees and she glances at the picture on her dresser of her and Barb from last Summer. 

She reached for the picture and laid it against her upright legs. Running her thumb up and down the frame, her eyes generously trace every detail of the photo. Every Summer Barb's Mother took them both to Lake Michigan. Every year since they became best friends ten years earlier. Each trip had always been a memorable one but that particular year was special. Nancy obviously hadn't known at the time it would be their last real chance to make those memories together but there was something about it that Nancy just knew was _different._  Almost like the universe had planned this all along. But how could that be? How could something so cruel and _violent_ be planned for someone like Barb?

She sobbed heavily and closed her eyes, remembering every detail of the moment the photo was taken. The sound of the eager seagulls that had crowded their towel after she had spilled that bag of chips. The smell of the lake water mixed with the hint of coconut from her sunscreen. Barb's boisterous laughter when the wind blew half of their camp down the beach. 

Nancy knew if Barb was still alive, she would know what to do. Barb _always_ knew just what to do when life got tough and she always admired that about her. She was a textbook role model, someone most people could only aspire to be. A wonderful daughter, a straight-A student, _a true friend_. She never got the chance to tell her that she actually respected those qualities about her because you always think that there's more time. Instead, her last night alive Nancy had turned her away for being _responsible._ Had she left with her that night, Nancy was certain she would still be alive. Everything really _was_ her fault. She clutched the frame tighter, the plastic creaking under her grasp and she sobbed silently. "I'm so sorry Barb. I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me. I need you to tell me what to do. Please, tell me what I should do." 

Sliding slowly onto her side, she pulled her knees in tighter and continued to clutch the picture to her chest. As the clock ticked further into the evening, the distant sounds of company downstairs dwindled to eventual silence. She waited again for the knock on her door from her Mother or Steve but it never came. 

* * *

 

 

**June 18th, 1988**

 

_"-Continued reports of psychiatric hospitals and treatment centers overflowing and discharging dozens of patients...due to the ongoing power outages all over the county...officials are unsure of when...recent reports state...numerous patients...and local shelters are filled with these...and no one has real answers about..."_

Furrowing her brows in concern, Nancy reaches for the volume button on the remote. She cranks it all the way up regardless of the static interruptions that cut through the reporters broadcast. She'd be lying if she said she'd ever _really_ watched the evening news prior to being in the hospital but she's finding it to be rather interesting as of late. Is it simply because she's getting older and cared more about the events of the world and their direct effect on her? Or is it perhaps more likely due to her paranoia which seems to be growing by the day? She bitterly thinks the latter.

Nancy nibbles her right thumb nail and uses what she can of the broken left one to twist her necklace in interest. _"We've been assured of the productivity on getting the power back on in these locations and keeping it on for that matter, but officials are still unsure of when exactly the...but the governor has not yet declared a state of emergency...residents to remain calm and patient during this time of..."_

A sharp zap fills the room, followed by a low whistling sound. The fluorescent overhead lights flicker off for four, maybe five seconds, before the backup generators hum to life, filling the room once more with the painfully harsh yellow glow. 

"Damn these lights! As if we need anymore drama around here!"

Nancy whirls her head towards the doorway where a middle-aged woman appears with a thick Southern drawl. She assumes this will be her nurse for the evening. She opens her mouth to speak but the salt and pepper-haired woman beats her to it.  

"Been here for thirty damn years and here I was thinkin' I'd seen it all." She tosses her hands in the air before placing them on her hips, much like Nancy did when she knew she was losing an argument. "Well...until recently that is."

She eyes her laminated name tag that dangles from her breast pocket, _Peggy_ it reads. Nancy raises her eyebrows and twists her lips in light amusement, unsure of how to respond to the crass woman. "I, um...I-"

"Forgive me dear, I'm on my third overnight in row, I'm losin' my marbles. How are we feelin'?" Peggy crosses the threshold of the room and scribbles something on the chalkboard that hangs near her bed. 

"Much better, I'm definitely ready to go home." Nancy is sure to use a clear and confident tone when responding, as if it's any use. She had subtly dropped hints to the doctors and nurses on multiple occasions that she was ready to leave but they would either answer with a chuckle or not at all. 

"Trust me darlin' you do _not_ want to go out there. All the damn loonies are on the loose, worse than ever." She moves to her bedside and gestures for Nancy to extend her injured arm out to her. 

Nancy releases her necklace and flexes her arm towards Peggy, wincing in discomfort when she examines the bandages. Her heart thuds heavily three times at Peggy's choice of words. "The loonies? You mean, the patients from the news?"

Peggy pauses, pursing her lips and gently lowers Nancy's arm. Her rough, weathered fingers move to the collar of her scrub top and she pulls it down, revealing several gruesome scratch marks and a single bite impression. "Like I said, thirty years darlin'." 

Nancy's stomach turns and she gasps audibly. "Did someone, did a _patient_ do that to you?" 

"Places like Wayward Psychiatric Ward and hospitals all over Indiana have had an overflow of mentally ill patients this half of the decade. To hell if I know whether it's somethin' in the water 'round here, what we're feedin' people these days or just the overall decline of the country, but the numbers don't lie. There isn’t anywhere to put these people. This year alone we're facin' the biggest surplus yet."

Peggy's glossy brown eyes move from Nancy's and back down to her casted forearm. "Tell you what though, my pension won't matter for anythin’ if I ain't around to collect it. They can consider it my final day here if something like this ever happens again.”

Peggy huffs with conviction and nudges her chin downward to where she had just revealed her grisly injury. Nancy's eyes widen with horror and her mouth is suddenly very dry. She can feel the knowing rigid numbness begin to spread like a virus throughout her body. 

"This is the first I'm hearing of this. I...I-"

"-Where have you been dear? Our state alone has been struggling with this problem for a few years now, but lately, it's serious. Like a...a full moon complex or somethin'.

Nancy's mouth gapes open so she closes it tightly, dry swallowing the ball of anxiety that is slowly building there. It was like every time Nancy turned around, there was something else she had missed. Important events she was unaware of or information she would benefit from. Something else she had been too busy trying to ignore because reality for her had been too arduous to face. She thinks of Will Byers and wonders if that _place_ she had gone to during her accident was real and if this meant he needed help. Help that he isn't being given. 

The silence between them is heavy with her uneasiness but Peggy speaks again "Government sanctioned budgets have cut back remarkably on a lot of things recently, but it's the ones who need help the most who've suffered. Our hard earned tax dollars going straight to that godforsaken lab they insist is _helping the community._ "

With a heavy sigh Peggy places Nancy's arm gently on her stomach, tapping it twice. She rises slowly and straightens her uniform out upon standing. Nancy must look nothing short of horrified because something in Peggy's facial features softens and she laughs briefly.  

"Didn't mean to frighten ya, had a long day is all. The universe has a way of balancin' itself out either way right?" Peggy is right about one thing, Nancy is definitely frightened. 

"Should I be worried?" The question slips without thought.  

Peggy hovers in the doorway a few moments longer, contemplating her question it seems. Nancy thinks she isn't going to respond when she speaks softly before exiting. "We've all got somethin' to worry about." She pauses. "I'll lock this behind me if it makes you feel safe, all of the overnight staff has a master key. Goodnight now, Miss Wheeler." 

The door clicks shut almost silently but it still splinters through the room like shattering glass. Running the bed sheet between her slim fingers, she thoughtfully combs through all of the information she's absorbed lately and most of it is hard to fathom. She reflects on her conversation with Chief Hopper and Peggy and wonders if any of it is connected. But then again, in Hawkins, everything seemed to be connected one way or another. 

Tossing her head back onto the stiff pillow she focuses on the ceiling tiles as if it held any answers. She replays her conversation with Hopper over and over, like she had missed something that was important. What troubled her the most wasn't the fact that Hopper had more or less admitted he’d bargained with the Hawkins Lab to help keep their secret mum, yet he'd left out how he benefited from that exactly. It wasn't that he'd warned her to be careful, to be careful _who_ she spoke to and _what_ she said. But when she had asked him if she should trust him he had only smiled, exhaling a small laugh before exiting the room all together. Something is gravely _wrong_. 

She needs to start writing things down and organizing the chaos. She sweeps the room with fatigue for a pen and spots one on the ledge of the chalkboard. She swings her legs out of bed and cringes as her legs crack and pull from the recent stagnation. She snatches the pen and rummages for scrap paper. 

Nancy flings the bedside drawer open but the only thing inside is a tattered bible. Frustrated she slams the drawer shut and shuffles through her stack of magazines, seeking a blank enough of a page. She pauses and then moves back to the drawer, removing the bible. She flips to the back of it and finds the last two blank pages. Without a thought she tears the pages free and eagerly moves back to the warm sunken dip in the mattress. She circles the pen in tight, aggressive circles to draw ink from it and scribbles  everything she can think of that may or may not be of significance.

 _Department of Energy. Blue lightning?? Missing teens - how many? Car crash. Man with scars. Jim Hopper. Psych wards/“loonies.” Power outages._ She places the pen down and bites her lip, boring her eyes into her list until the dry burn scolds her to blink. Lifting the pen once more she draws a deep breath in. _Will Byers._

* * *

 

**June 19th, 1988**

 

The Hawkins' storm warning alarm that would resound through the rolling valley whenever a supercell threatened to produce a tornado had always terrified Nancy. There was something about it's deafening and powerful wail that never seemed to end had tormented her for years. Every so often, even as she grew older, she'd dream of the boisterous roar and she'd always awaken slick with sweat.

Nancy rolls somberly onto her side and shivers as she hazily becomes aware that she is slowly coming out of the other side of yet another nightmare. She presses her eyes shut as tight as she could and pulls the sheet over her dampened shoulders, waiting for the sound to dissipate. Instead of it steadily fading away as she gained consciousness however, it is only growing louder, and sounds much closer. 

Snapping her eyes open, Nancy rips the covers back off of herself and sits upright with an effort that makes her dizzy. Not a dream, she realizes. The town's tornado warning system is indeed going off and it’s the loudest she can ever recall it being in her life. Her heart immediately begins to race as she climbs from her bed clumsily with dread. A dozen terrifying scenarios swirl through her mind as she realizes that she is here, in this fucking hospital against her will, separated from her family. From anyone familiar for that matter. 

She stumbles across the room with purpose, accidentally smashing her bandaged arm on the foot of the bed frame. _"Shit!"_ She hisses in agony, clutching her injury as she makes her way to the window.

She pulls the the curtain string fiercely and reveals the vibrant blue, red and white lights of emergency responders billowing off the shadows casted in the night. Her eyes cannily take it all in. She looks to the sky, expecting to see tumultuous clouds and trees in the distance to be bent sideways from violent gusts. Instead she's greeted with a crystal clear night and a light breeze if that.

Moving closer to the window she desperately tries to make sense of the apparent mayhem outside. There are dozens of people scattered throughout the courtyard in front of the building as well as in the parking lot. A large handful of them are police officers. Some appear to have military uniforms on, and they are _armed_. Some are clearly hospital staff, dressed in scrubs and lab coats and the remaining look like terrified civilians. Though the glass is soundproof she can gather that they are arguing with one another. Why are there guns? _What_ is going on?

Nancy’s rapidly increasing breathing fogs the glass and she wipes away the condensation rigorously. The hammering of her heart is combative with her whisper.  “What the _fuck_?”

The siren is still screaming away with no indication of stopping. Nancy staggers backwards, away from the window. The bright lights outside tear through the darkness and adrenaline floods her body.

Another bright red flash of a signal flare ignites the night and sets her room ablaze. She clutches her broken arm as every shrill pitch rips through her injury, causing it to throb. Feeling powerless Nancy spins on her heels in endless circles, scanning the room while desperately trying to come up with a plan. Running her fingers through her hair in confusion, she draws several sharp breaths in, attempting to calm and ready herself for whatever is going to come next. 

A thunderous banging on the outside of her door extracts her from the inevitable panic. “National Guard! Unlock your door or we’ll knock it down!”  

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO’S BACK. BACK AGAIN. I am so incredibly sorry for the wait. I will never do this to you guys again. Thanks for sticking around and still showing interest in my story. Bless you all.


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